The Geek Code, by Robert Hayden.

Please note that a new version of the Geek code is now online, and this document is now out of date.

A new version is available at http://krypton.mankato.msus.edu/~hayden/geek.html. I suggest you scoot on over there.

But if you're a real geek, see the Exotic Erotic Ball page instead.

=)

Robert Hayden: GJ/CM d- H-- s-:++>s-:+ g+ p? au+ a- w++ v* C++(++++) UL++++$
P+>++ L++$ 3- E---- N+++ K+++ W M+ V-- -po+(---)>$ Y++ t+ 5+++ j R+++$ G-
tv+ b+ D+ B--- e+>++(*) u** h* f r-->+++ !n y++**

The Code of the Geeks v2.1

July 18, 1994, by Robert Hayden

Origional Geek Code can be obtained by clicking this

So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to yourself your geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people too; geeks have rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the world that you are a geek. Your courage will give you strength that will last you forever.

How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek code. By joining the geek organization, you have license to use this special code that will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know who you are in a simple, codified statement.

The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code to signature file and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you may give other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might want to hang on to your copy of the code in order to help them along.

Background:

The first version of the Geek Code was 0.1 and consisted of only about five categories. 0.2 was mostly a spelling and bug fix. 0.3 added a couple more categories.

1.0 was released about 4 months after 0.3 on July 17, 1993 and added several more categories as well as the rules for cross-overs and variables. 1.0.1 was a bug-fix released later that day.

Over the course of the next year or so, I received some 75 or so various suggestions for improvements and changs in the Geek Code. Due to time, I wasn't able to sit down and collect and sort all of the suggestions and put everything together. Finally, in early July, 1994, I found the time and decided that I would release version 2.0 on July 17, 1994, one year after version 1.0. Version 2.0 and represents the recommendations of many dozens of people too numerous to mention in here.

This version, 2.1, represents the fixing of several serious bugs that slipped through while I was in a hurry to get 2.0 out the door.

I hope you like the Geek Code and find it an entertaining and useful file.

Instructions:

The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code. It is this single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over of what a great geek you actually are.

Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly. Simply choose that qualifier that MOST CLOSELY matches you. Also, some activities described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in, while you do engage in others. Each description of each qualifier describes the wide range of activities that apply, so as long as you match with one, you can probably use that qualifier.

Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big difference between a 'u' and a 'U'.

VARIABLES:

Geeks can seldom be quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any one category the geek may not be able determine a specific rating, variables have been designed to allow this range to be included.

@ for variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or with individual interaction. For example, Geeks who happen to very much enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation, but dislike the old 60's series might list themselves as t++@.

() for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to C--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "c+") could use C+(---). Another example might be an m++(**). This would be a person who mostly listens to classical music, but also has an extensive collection of other types of works.

> for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is currently at one rating, they are striving to reach another. For example, C->++

$ Indicates that this particular category is done for a living. For example, UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes unix and gets paid for it. Quite a lucky geek, for sure.

@ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the category, while @ ranges all over.

Type:

Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation of the particular geek. To start a code, a geek must declare himself or herself to be a geek. To do this, we start the code with a "G" to denote "GEEK", followed by one or two letters to denote the geeks occupation or field of study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one vocational training should denote their myriad of talents with a slash between each vocation (example: GCS/MU/T).

*GB	Geek of Business
*GC	Geek of Classics
*GCA	Geek of Commercial Arts
*GCM	Geek of Computer Management
*GCS	Geek of Computer Science
*GE	Geek of Engineering
*GED	Geek of Education
*GFA	Geek of Fine Arts
*GG	Geek of Government
*GH	Geek of Humanities
*GJ	Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)
*GL	Geek of Literature
*GM	Geek of Math
*GMD	Geek of Medicine
*GMU	Geek of Music
*GP	Geek of Philosophy
*GPM	Geek of Pre-Med
*GS	Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, 
	  Biology, etc.)
*GSS	Geek of Social Science (Psychology, 
	  Sociology, etc.)
*GT	Geek of Theater
*GTW	Geek of Technical Writing


*GO	Geek of Other.  Some types of geeks deviate
	  from the normal geek activities.  This is
	  encouraged as true geeks come from all walks
	  of life.
*GU      Geek of 'Undecided'.  This is a popular
	  vocation with incoming freshmen.
*GAT     Geek of All Trades.  For those geeks that can
	  do anything and everything.  GAT usually
	  precludes the use of other vocational
	  descriptors.
*G!      Geek of No Qualifications

Section I: Appearance

Dress:

Geeks come in many different types of dress.

*d++     I tend to wear conservative dress such as a 
          business suit.
*d+      I tend to wear trendy political messages
          like "Save the Whales" or "Free South Africa".
*d       I dress a lot like those found in catalog
          ads.  Bland, boring, without life or meaning.
*d-      I tend to wear trendy political messages
          like "Nuke the Humans", "Question Authority", or 
          "Big Brother's Watching".
*d--     I wear jeans to work just to piss off my boss
*d---    At work, I have holes in my jeans and/or 
          obscenities on my shirt.
*d----   Punk dresser
*dx      Cross Dresser
*d?      I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let
          alone what I wore yesterday.
*!d      No clothing.  Quite a fashion statement, don't
          you think?
*-d+     I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter
          the occasion, often forgetting to do laundry 
          between wearings.

Hair:

Just as geeks have a stylish dress appearance, a geek's hair can also be an important statement. Add an 'h' rating to tell about your hair.

*H+++    My hair goes down past my waist
*H++     My hair dangles to my mid-back
*H+      It's down to about my shoulders
*H       It's just pretty normal hair
*H-      It's cut above the neck
*H--     Above the neck AND ear (flattop)
*H---    It's about 1/8" long.
*H----   I shave my head daily, otherwise it gets too
          long
*!H      I'm bald
*H?      I have wigs that allow me to vary my hair
*H*      My hair is dyed funky flavors (add the '*' to
          one of the above)

Shape:

Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts. The first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each section to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.

*s+++:+++	I usually have to duck through doors/I
		  take up three movie seats.
*s++:++		I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
*s+:+		I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
*s		I'm an average geek
*s-:-		I look up to most people.  Everyone
		  tells me to gain a few pounds.
*s--:--		I look up to damn near everybody.  I 
		  tend to have to fight against a strong
		  breeze.
*s---:---	I take a phone book with me when I go
		  out so I can see to eat dinner.  My 
		  bones are poking through my skin.

Glasses:

Geeks have traditionally worn glasses.

*g+++    I have coke-bottle classes that I can use to
	  start leaves on fire in the hot sun.
*g++     I've got four eyes and tape in the middle.
*g+      I've got four eyes, what's your point?
*g-      I have contacts
*g--     I have colored contacts
*g---    I have those funky contact that have
	  interesting designs on them such as happy
	  faces or some such.


*!g      I have no glasses.
*g?      I can't find my glasses.

Pens:

Geeks have lots of pens (and pen-like things) in their shirt pockets. Look down at your shirt pocket and count them. Add a p(number) into your code, where p stands for pen-count.

*p#      Average number of pens or pencils in a geek's
	  pocket at any given moment in time.
*p?      I can't find a writing instrument
*!p      pens are obsolete.  I have a newton.
If there is also a calculator (or slide rule) often attached to your belt or in your pocket or you carry a portable computer around with you, add a plus sign, i.e. p4+.

Automobile:

There is an old saying that one's wheels define a person. Tell the world about yours.


*au++++  I have my chauffeured limo take me everywhere.
*au+++   I own four different colored Mercedes.
*au++    I drive a brand new car that cost more than most
	  houses
*au+     I have a sporty-looking car which would be a
	  babe-mobile if I wasn't such a geek.
*au      I drive a car which I bought from my parents. It
	  has four doors even though I'm the only one who
	  ever rides in it.
*au-     I drive my parents' car.  Hey, if I could afford
	  my own I wouldn't be living at home with them
	  (see section on housing).
*au--    My car has rust everywhere and the muffler drags
	  along the ground.
*au---   I drive a '77 Pinto which went over 100,000 miles
	  two years ago.
*au----  I have a Yugo


*!au     I don't have a car
*au*     I have a motorcycle

Age:

The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience. To this end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use the qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran years).

*a+++    60 and up
*a++     50-59
*a+      40-49
*a       30-39
*a-      20-29
*a--     10-19
*a---    9 and under
*a?      ageless
*!a      it's none of your business how old I am
In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the number after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42

Weirdness:

Geeks have a seemingly natural knack for being "weird". Of course, this is a subjective term as one person's weirdness is another person's normalness. As a general rule, the following weird qualifiers allow a geek to rate their weirdness.

*w+++    Mainstream?  I heard of that once, I think.
*w++     I am so weird, I make Al Yankovic look sane.
*w+      so?  what's your problem with weird.
*w       I am not weird.  I'm perfectly normal.
*w-      I'm more normal that most people normally are.
*w--     I am so incredibly boring...

Verbage:

A geeks mastery of the spoken language is an important attribute. Tell us about it.

*v---    I don't talk.  I just type.
*v--     When I talk, people usually look mildly
	  embarrassed.
*v-      I use words like 'grok' in everyday conversation.
*v       At least I speak in complete sentences.  Usually.
*v+      People compliment me on my vocabulary.
*v++     People compliment me on my eloquence.
*v+++    I was the regional forensics champ.


*!v      Speech is irrelevant, I use telepathy
*v?      I mumble
*v*      I babble

Section II: Computers

Computers:

Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers, consult the following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with 'computer network'):

*C++++   I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic
	  interface installed into my skull.
*C+++    You mean there is life outside of Internet?
	  You're shittin' me!  I live for muds.  I haven't
	  dragged myself to class in weeks.
*C++     Computers are a large part of my existence.
	  When I get up in the morning, the first thing I
	  do is log myself in.  I mud on weekends, but
	  still manage to stay off of academic probation.
*C+      Computers are fun and I enjoy using them.  I play
	  a mean game of DOOM! and can use a word
	  processor without resorting to the manual too 
	  often.  I know that a 3.5" disk is not a hard
	  disk.  I also know that when it says 'press any
	  key to continue', I don't have to look for a key
	  labeled 'ANY'.
*C       Computers are a tool, nothing more.  I use it
	  when it serves my purpose.
*C-      Anything more complicated than my calculator and
	  I'm screwed.
*C--     Where's the on switch?
*C---    If you even mention computers, I will rip your
	  head off!

Unix:

It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among most geeks. In addition to telling us about your unix abilities, you can also show which specific unix OS you are using. To accomplish this, you include a letter showing the brand with your rating. For example: UL++++ would indicate a sysadmin running Linux.

*B       BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is
	  mentioned below)
*L       Linux
*U       Ultrix
*A       AIX
*V       SysV
*H       HPUX
*I       IRIX 
*O       OSF/1
*S       Sun OS/Solaris
*C       SCO Unix
*X       NeXT
*?       Some other one not listed
        
*U++++   I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my
	  machine don't be surprised if the municipal
	  works department gets an "accidental" computer-
	  generated order to put start a new landfill on
	  your front lawn.
*U+++    I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just
	  modified su so that it doesn't prompt me.  The
	  admin staff doesn't even know I'm here.  If you
	  don't understand what I just said, this category
	  does NOT apply to you!
*U++     I've get the entire admin ticked off at me
	  because I am always using all of the CPU time
	  and trying to run programs that I don't have
	  access to.  I'm going to try cracking
	  /etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone.
*U+      I not only have a unix account, but I slam VMS
	  any chance I get.
*U       I have a unix account to do my stuff in
*U-      I have a VMS account.
*U--     I've seen unix and didn't like it.  DEC rules!
*U---    Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.

Perl:

If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you might as well rate yourself in this sub-category. Non-unix geeks don't know what they're missing.

*P++++   I don't write Perl, I speak it.  Perl has
	  superseded all other programming languages.  I
	  firmly believe that all programs can be reduced
	  to a Perl one-liner.  I use Perl to achieve 
	  U+++ status.
*P+++    Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not
	  only do I no longer write shell scripts,  I also
	  no longer use awk or sed.  I use Perl for all
	  programs of less than a thousand lines.
*P++     Perl is a powerful programming tool.  I don't
	  write shell scripts anymore because I write them
	  in Perl.
*P+      I know of perl.  I like perl.  I just haven't
	  learned much perl, but it is on my agenda.
*P-      What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?
*P--     Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are
	  just showing off.
*P---    Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of
	  sed, and the performance of awk with the
	  simplicity of C.  It should be banned.


*P?      What's Pearl?
*!P      Our paranoid admin won't let us install perl!
	  Says it's a "hacking tool".

Linux

Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to unix. It originally and continues to run on your standard 386/486/Pentium PC, but is also being ported to other systems. Because it is still a young OS, and because it is continually evolving from hacker changes and support, it is important that the geek list his Linux ability.

*L++++   I am Linus, hear me roar.
*L+++    I am a Linux wizard.  I munch C code for
	  breakfast and have enough room left over for
	  a kernel debugging.  I have so many patches
	  installed that I lost track about ten versions
          ago.  Linux newbies consider me a net.god.
*L++     I use Linux almost exclusively on my system. I
	  monitor comp.os.linux.* and even answer
	  questions some times.  I've aliased Linux
	  FTP sites to make getting new software
	  easier.
*L+      I've managed to get Linux installed and even
	  used it a few times.  It seems like it is just
	  another OS.
*L       I know what Linux is, but that's about all
*L-      I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't
	  give a rats patootie about it.
*L--     Unix sucks.  Because Linux = Unix.  Linux Sucks.
	  I worship Bill Gates.
*L---    I am Bill Gates.


*!L      I don't even know what Linux is!

386bsd:

386bsd is another version of Unix written for 80x86 like systems. Often there is a friendly (and periodically not-so-friendly) rivalry between the forces of Linux and the forces of 386bsd. Identify your BSDish rating below.

*3+++    I am a 386bsd wizard.  I munch C code for
	  breakfast and have enough room left over for a
	  kernel debugging.  I have so many patches
	  installed that I lost track about ten versions
	  ago.  386bsd newbies consider me a net.god.
*3++     I use 386bsd almost exclusively on my system. I
	  monitor comp.os.386bsd.* and even answer
	  questions some times.  I've aliased BSD FTP
	  sites to make getting new software easier.
*3+      I've managed to get 386bsd installed and even 
	  used it a few times.  It seems like it is
	  just another OS.
*3       I know what it is, but that's about all
*3-      I have no desire to use 386bsd and frankly don't
	  give a rats patootie about it.
*3--     Unix sucks.  Because 386bsd = Unix.  386bsd
	  Sucks.  I worship Bill Gates.
*3---    I am USL's lawyer.


*!3      I don't even know what 386bsd is!

Emacs:

GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor available for just about every computer architecture out there.

*E+++    Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my
	  psycologist! I use emacs to control my TV and
	  toaster oven!  All you vi people don't know
	  what you're missing!  I read alt.relgion.emacs,
	  alt.sex.emacs, and comp.os.emacs.
*E++     I know and use elisp regularly!
*E+      Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!
*E       Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my
	  regular editor.
*E-      Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes
*E--     Emacs is just a fancy word processor
*E---    Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!
*E----   Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!


*E?      Emacs? What's that?

Usenet News:

Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble, was designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's hard drive. It also is a way for people to talk about things.

*N++++   I am Tim Pierce
*N+++    I read so many news groups that the next batch
	  of news comes in before I finish reading the
	  last batch, and I have to read for about 2
	  hours straight before I'm caught  up on the
	  morning's news.  Then there's the afternoon...
*N++     I read all the news in a select handful of 
	  groups.
*N+      I read news recreationally when I have some
	  time to kill.
*N       Usenet News?  Sure, I read that once
*N-      News is a waste of my time and I avoid it
	  completely
*N--     News sucks!  'Nuff said.


*N*      All I do is read news
*!N      We don't have news.

Kibo

Kibo is. That is all that can be said.

*K++++++ I _am_ Kibo
*K+++++  I've had sex with Kibo
*K++++   I've met Kibo
*K+++    I've gotten mail from Kibo
*K++     I've read Kibo
*K+      I like Kibo
*K       I know who Kibo is
*K-      I don't know who Kibo is
*K--     I dislike Kibo
*K---    I am currently hunting Kibo down with the
	  intent of ripping his still-beating heart out
	  of his chest and showing it to him as he dies
*K----   I am Xibo

MS-Windows:

A good many geeks use the MicroSoft windows program running on DOS to operate their PCs. Rate your Windows Geekiness.

*W++++   I have Windows, Windows NT, and Windows NT
	  Advanced Server all running on my SMP RISC
	  machine.  I haven't seen daylight in six
	  months.
*W+++    I am a MS Windows programming god.  I wrote
	  a VxD driver to allow MS Windows and DOS to
	  share the use of my waffle iron. P.S.  Unix
	  sux.
*W++     I write MS Windows programs in C and think
	  about using C++ someday.  I've written at least
	  one DLL.
*W+      I have installed my own custom sounds,
	  wallpaper, and screen savers so my PC walks and
	  talks like a fun house.  Oh yeah, I have a
	  hundred TrueType(tm) fonts that I've installed
	  but never used.  
*W       Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.
*W-      I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have
	  at least one peripheral that never works right
*W--     MS Windows is a joke operating system.  Hell,
	  its not even an operating system.  NT is Not
	  Tough enough for me either.
*W---    Windows has set back the computing industry by
	  at least 10 years.  Bill Gates should be drawn,
	  quarted, hung, shot,  poisoned, disembowelled,
	  and then REALLY hurt.


*!W      I don't do Windows.  Got a problem with that?

Macintosh

Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer and moved over to the macintosh. It in important to give notification of your mac rating.

*M++     I am a mac guru.  Anything those dos putzes and
	  unix nerds can do, i can do better, and if not,
	  I'll write the damn software to do it.
*M+      A mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.
*M       I use a mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.
*M-      Macs suck.  All real geeks have a character
	  prompt.
*M--     Macs do more than suck.  They make a user
	  stupid by allowing them to use the system
	  without knowing what they are doing.  Mac
	  weenies have lower IQs than the fuzz in my
	  navel.


*M?      What's a macintosh?

VMS

Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their mainframe and network activity.

*V++     Unix is a passing fad compared to the real
	  power in the universe, my VMS system.
*V+      I tend to like VMS better than Unix
*V       I've used VMS.
*V-      Unix is much better than VMS for my computing
	  needs.
*V--     I would rather smash my head repeatedly into
	  a brick wall than suffer the agony of working
	  with VMS.  It's reminiscent of a dead and
	  decaying pile of moose droppings.  Unix rules
	  the universe. 


*!V      I've not ever used VMS.

Section III: Politics

Politics:

Geeks come from widely variant political backgrounds.

*po+++   Fuckin' Minorities!  Adolf Hitler is my hero!
	  And so is Rush Limbaugh!
*po++    All in favor of eliminating free speech, say
	  aye!
*po+     Let's get the government off of big-business's
	  back
*po      Politics?  I've heard of that somewhere but in
	  all honesty I really don't give a shit.
*po-     Bring back the 60's
*po--    I'm still living in the 60's
*po---   No taxes through no government


*-po+    Don't label me you moron!  Both sides are
	  equally fucked up!

Cypherpunks:

With the birth of the overused buzzword "The Information Superhighway", concerns over privacy from evil governmental bad-guys{tm} has led to the formation of of an unofficial, loosely organized band of civil libertarians who spend much of their time discussing how to insure privacy in the information future. This group is known by some as "cypherpunks" (to others, as anarchistic subversives). To this end, tell us how punkish you are.

*Y+++    I am T.C. May
*Y++     I am on the cypherpunks mailing list and
	  active around Usenet.  I never miss an
	  opportunity to talk about the evils of Clipper
	  and the NSA.  Orwells' 1984 is more than a
	  story, it is a warning to ours' and future
	  generations.  I'm a member of the EFF.
*Y+      I have an interest and concern in privacy
	  issues, but in reality I am not really all that
	  active or vocal.
*Y       I'm pretty indifferent on the whole issue.
*Y-      It seems to me that all of these concerns are a
	  little extreme.  I mean, the government must
	  be able to protect itself from criminals.  
*Y--     Get a life.  The only people that need this
	  kind of protection are people with something to
	  hide.  I think cypherpunks are just a little
	  paranoid.
*Y---    I am L. Detweiler.

Section IV: Entertainment

Star Trek:

Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television show (in any of its four forms). Because GEEK is often synonymous with TREKKIE (real geeks aren't so anal as to label themselves TREKKER), it is important that all geeks list their Trek rating.

*t+++    It's not just a TV show, its a religion. I
	  know all about warp field dynamics and the
	  principles behind the transporter.  I have
	  memorized the TECH manual.  I speak Klingon.
	  I go to cons with Vulcan ears on.  I have
	  no life.
*t++     It's the best show around.  I have all the
	  episodes and the movies on tape and can quote
	  entire scenes verbatim.  I've built a few of
	  the model kits too.  But you'll never catch me
	  at one of those conventions.  Those people are 
	  kooks.
*t+      It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only
	  things good on television any more.
*t       It's just another TV show
*t-      Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what
	  the big deal with Star Trek is.  Perhaps I'm
	  missing something but I just think it is bad
	  drama.
*t--     Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William
	  Shatner isn't an actor, he's a poser!  And
	  what's with this Jean-Luc Picard?  A Frenchman
	  with a British accent?  Come on.  I'd only
	  watch this show if my remote control broke.
*t---    Star Trek SUCKS!  It is the worst crap I have
	  ever seen! Hey, all you trekkies out there,
	  GET A LIFE!  (William Shatner is a t---)

Babylon 5:

For many years, Sci-Fi geeks have wished for a television show that would overcome the limitations of Star Trek. For many, a new show called Babylon 5 has met that demand, with a deep storyline, exciting characters and state-of-the-art computer generated effects.

*5+++    I am a True Worshipper of the Church of Joe
	  who lives eats breathes and thinks Babylon
	  5, and has Evil toughts about stealing Joe's
	  videotape archives just to see episodes
	  earlier.  I am planning to break into the bank
	  and steal the triple-encoded synopsis of the
	  5-year arc.
*5++     Finally a show that shows what a real future
	  would look like.  None of this Picardian
	  "Let's talk about it and be friends" crap.
	  And what's this?  We finally get to see a 
	  bathroom!  Over on that Enterprise, they've
	  been holding it for over seven years!
*5+      Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh
	  perspective in the Sci-Fi universe.  I watch
	  it weekly.
*5       I've seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.
*5-      This show is sub-par.  The acting is wooden,
	  the special effects are obviously poor quality.
	  In general, it seems like a very cheap Star
	  Trek ripoff.
*5--     You call this Sci-Fi?  That is such a load of
	  crap!  This show is just a soap with bad actors,
	  piss-poor effects, and lame storylines.
	  Puh-leese.


*!5      I've never seen Babylon 5

Jeopardy:

Simply the geekiest television show in the world.

*j+++    I dress like Art Fleming, practice Alex
	  Trebek's vocal nuances, and make a pilgrimage
	  to the Jeopardy studio every six months to
	  either take the contestant test or to cheer
	  from the audience. 
*j++     I watch Jeopardy regularly, and annoy others
	  in the college rec center by shouting out
	  the answers.
*j+      I watch Jeopardy regularly.
*j       Sure I watch it, but, hey, it's only a show.
*j-      Jeopardy?  That's show's for a bunch of
	  no-life eggheads.
*j--     I annoy others in the college rec center by
	  shouting out the *wrong* answers.


*!j      I've never seen Jeopardy or don't watch it.
*j#      I've taken the Jeopardy test # number of times.
*j$      I've won money on the show.
*jP      I've gotten the d*mn Lee Press-On Nails on
	  the show (or some other lame-o consolation
	  prize)
*jx      I don't watch Jeopardy because it's too easy

Role Playing:

Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of the traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in their role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of the following role-playing codes.

*R+++    I've written and publish my own gaming
	  materials.
*R++     There is no life outside the role of the die.
	  I know all of piddly rules of (chosen game).
	  _MY_ own warped rules scare the rest of the
	  players.
*R+      I've got my weekly sessions set up and a
	  character that I know better than I know
	  myself.
*R       Role-Playing?  That's just something to do to
	  kill a Saturday afternoon
*R-      Gosh, what an utter waste of time!
*R--     Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.

Magic: The Gathering:

Magic: The Gathering is taking over. If you haven't heard of it, it involves collecting cards that summon creatures, cast spells, represent artifacts, etc., for the purpose of reducing the opponent's life points from 20 to 0 in the course of a game. Many of geeks have spent over $100 on these things, some a lot more.

*G++++   I am considered a Magic(tm) god. I have
	  nicknames for every card and know just about
	  every strategy there is.
*G+++    I have a Lord of the Pit, a Black Lotus and
	  a Reverse Damage.  I play for hours every night.
*G++     I've spent almost $100 on cards. A good chunk
	  of my spare time goes into playing or
	  constructing decks and keeping up my checklist.
*G+      Ok, ok, so I bought a few packs of cards. Big
	  deal.
*G       I play Magic, if I can borrow a deck.  It's
	  an ok game.
*G-      I don't even play anymore. I just collect. My
	  cards fill three shoeboxes.
*G--     I don't go to class/work anymore. Sometimes
	  I don't sleep.
*G---    I have 3 Lords of the Pit, Armageddon, Wrath
	  of God, and two Reverse Damages. I also have
	  all five of the Elder Dragon Legends.  I can
	  quote the exact wording and, in some cases,
	  casting cost, of any card on demand.  I've
	  memorized the PPG.  I am a Magic munchkin.
*G----   Some friends and I are trying to get boxes of
	  booster packs at cost so we can sell them at
	  a profit and buy more cards at cost that we can
	  sell for profit and buy more cards at....


*G?      What the hell _IS_ Magic?


*G'      I don't play Magic on purpose.  It doesn't seem
	  worth it.
*G''     I make fun of my Magic-playing friends.
	  Magic's a scam.
*G'''    I shun those who play Magic.  They are stupid
	  sheep who can't see what an obvious scam it is.
*G''''   I go out of my way to warn others of the dangers
	  of "Crack for Gamers" aka Magic:the Gathering.

Television

Many geeks have lives that revolve around television.

*tv+++   There's nothing I can experience "out there"
	  that I can't see coming over my satellite
	  dish. I wish there were MORE channels.
*tv++    I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't
	  miss anything.
*tv+     I watch some tv every day.
*tv      I watch only the shows that are actually worth
	  while.
*tv-     I watch tv for the news and 'special
	  programming.'
*tv--    I turn my tv on during natural disasters.


*!tv     I do not own a television.

Books:

In addition, many geeks have lives that revolve around books.

*b+++    I consume a few books a week as part of a
	  staple diet.
*b++     I find the time to get through at least one
	  new book a month.
*b+      I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very
	  often.
*b       I read the newspaper and the occasional book.
*b-      I read when there is no other way to get the
	  information.
*b--     I did not actually READ the geek code, I just
	  had someone tell me.

DOOM!:

There is a game out for the PC-class (and soon others) computers called DOOM. It's a 3D virtual reality simulation where you race around and blow things away with large-caliber weaponry. It can be quite fun. Tell us about your DOOM experiences.

*D+++    I crank out PWAD files daily, complete with
	  new monsters, weaponry, sounds and maps.
	  I'm a DOOM God.  I can solve the original
	  maps in nightmare mode with my eyes closed.
*D++     I've played the shareware version and bought
	  the real one and I'm actually pretty good
	  at the game.  I occasionally download PWAD
	  files and play them too.
*D+      It's a fun, action game that is a nice
	  diversion on a lazy afternoon.
*D       I've played the game and I'm pretty indifferent.
*D-      I've played the game and really didn't think
	  it was all that impressive.
*D--     It's an overly-violent game and pure crap
*D---    I've seen better on my Atari 2600


*!D      I've never played Doom!

Barney:

Some people have heard of the Great Purple One. How do they feel about him?

*B+++    I worship the ground He walks on.  I wish to
	  erect a shrine for Him in my front yard.
	  I feel a need to sell all my worldly
	  belongings, shave my head, and go to airports
	  where I will hand out Barney dolls and spread
	  His message of universal love for everyone
	  regardless of race, creed, color, sexual
	  preference, or species.
*B++     I don't miss an episode, except when I have
	  to work or go in for a root canal.  Barney
	  loves me.
*B+      I like him.  He has a nice, wholesome message.
	  He's good for the country.
*B       Hey, the little tykes love him, they don't go
	  around karate-chopping each other any more;
	  what's the big deal?
*B-      Barney is annoying
*B--     Don't talk to me about him.  I'm getting sick
	  of his smarmy message.  He makes me ill.
*B---    He's sick.  He's polluting our children's minds
	  with this love and tolerance crap.  Boycott
	  any station or store that carries him.  His head
	  would really look good on my wall next to
	  stuffed Smurfs.


*B?      Who's Barney?

Section V: Lifestyle

Education:

All geeks have a varying amount of education.

*e++++   Still pretty stupid, over qualified to work
	  any job, went and got my Ph.D.
*e+++    Had not learned enough to know better not to
	  go back and try for a master's degree.
*e++     Managed to finish my bachelors.
*e+      Started a degree, plan to finish it some day.
*e       K-12, been on a college campus.
*e-      Got my bachelors, escaped alive, and am making
	  hoards of money writing unmaintainable
	  (except by me) software.
*e--     The company I work for was dumb enough to fund
	  my way through a masters degree, then started
	  paying me even more money.
*e---    Achieved a Ph.D, have devoted my life to
	  insignificant research, which my employer pays
	  dearly for.


*!e      Flunked high school, learned life the hard way
*e*      I learned everything there is to know about
	  life from the "Hitchhiker's Trilogy".

Music:

Musical interests vary widely, also.

*u+++    I consider myself over-refined and grok that
	  heavy-duty elevator music.
*u++     I consider myself refined and enjoy classical
	  and new-age selections
*u+      I own a tape or CD collection (records also
	  count, but you would be admitting how old
	  you really are).
*u       I occasionally listen to the radio
*u-      Just play it loud
*u--     I play air-guitar better than anyone else.
*u---    LISTEN!  I SAID TO PLAY IT LOUD!


*u*      I listen to music that no one else has ever
	  heard of
*u**     I listen to so many types of music that I
	  can't even keep them straight
*-u      I like _both_ kinds of music: Country AND
	  Western

Housing:

Tell us about your geeky home.

*h++     Living in a cave with 47 computers and an
	  Internet feed, located near a Dominoes
	  pizza.  See !d.
*h+      Living alone, get out once a week to buy
	  food, no more than once a month to do
	  laundry.  All surfaces covered.
*h       Friends come over to visit every once in a
	  while to talk about Geek things.  There is
	  a place for them to sit.
*h-      Living with one or more registered Geeks.
*h--     Living with one or more people who know
	  nothing about being a Geek and refuse to
	  watch 'Star Trek'.
*h---    Married, with the potential for children.
	  (persons living with a fiance might as well
	  label themselves h---, you're as good as
	  there already.)
*h----   Married with children - Al Bundy can sympathize


*h!      I am stuck living with my parents!
*h*      I'm not sure where I live anymore.  This
	  lab/workplace seems like home to me.

Friends:

Yes, it's true; geeks do have friends. At least, some of them do.

*f++     I have so many friends, I make other people
	  jealous.
*f+      I have quite a few really close friends.  We
	  get along great. They are all other geeks,
	  though.
*f       Yeah, I have friends.  Who told you?
*f-      I have a few friends.  They barely seem to
	  speak to me anymore.
*f--     I've got about one friend left in the world,
	  who probably wants to shoot me.
*f---    I used to have friends, but I didn't like it


*f?      I *think* I have friends.
*f*      Everyone is my friend.
*!f      I have no friends.  Get lost.

Relationships:

Many geeks are highly successful at having relationships, a good many more are not. Give us the gritty details.

*r+++    Found someone, dated, and am now married.
*r++     I've dated my current SO for a long time
*r+      I bounce from one relationship to another,
	  but I have quite a few.
*r       I date periodically
*r-      I have difficulty maintaining a relationship
*r--     Most people aren't interested in dating me
*r---    I'm beginning to think I'm a leper or
	  something, the way people avoid me like
	  the plague


*!r      I've never had a relationship
*r*      signifying membership in the SBCA (Sour
	  Bachelor(ette)'s Club of America).  The motto
	  is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'.  First founded
	  at Caltech.

Nutrition:

Geeks usually consume food. Some eat everything they can grab while some others are quite conscious of their food. (Note: 'n' is used for nutrition as 'f' is used elsewhere.)

*n+++    I graze like a bunny - pass me a carrot!
*n++     I like the fibers in food
*n+      I like food - especially when it is healthy.
*n-      Food? I just grab something from the shelves
	  with meat in it.
*n--     I eat only the cheap things - even with
	  artificial meat and vegetables.
*n---    I eat meat - seen Jurassic Park?
*n----   I _live_ on snacks and coke.


*!n      Eh what? never mind the menu, give me
	  something to eat!

Sex:

Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have any). Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of sexuality for that matter), it is important that the geek be willing to quantify their sexual experiences.

This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use 'x' in this category, while males use 'y'. Those that do not wish to disclose their gender can use 'z'. For example:

*x+      A female who has had sex
*y+      A male who has had sex.
*z+      A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.
For those person who do not wish to give out any details of their sex life, the use of x? (where x is the gender code) will allow you to so.

*x++++   I have a few little rug rats to prove I've
	  been there. Besides, with kids around, who
	  has time for sex?
*x+++    I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically)
	  whenever I want. 
*x++     I was once referred to as 'easy'.  I have
	  no idea where that might have come from though.
*x+      I've had real, live sex.
*x-      I prefer computer sex to real sex.
*x--     I was once referred to as a 'cyberslut', but
	  I have no idea where that might have come from.


*x*      I'm a pervert.
*x**     I've been known to make perverts look like
	  angels.


*!x      Sex?  What's that?  I've had no sexual
	  experiences.
*x?      It's none of your business what my sex life
	  is like (this is used to denote your gender
	  only).
*!x+     Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to
	  learn!

The Geek Code is copyright 1993,1994 by Robert A. Hayden. All rights reserved. You are free to distribute this code in electronic format provided that the file remains unmodified and this copyright notice remains attached.

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