As a result of my trying to loose about 5-10 pounds in the next two
weeks, I have come across a diet that I really like.  I highly
reccommend this nutritional advice...

                 The Non-Stress Diet

This diet is designed to help you cope with stress which
normally builds up during the day.

Breakfast
  1/2 Grapefruit
  1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, Dry
  8 oz. Skim Milk

Lunch
  4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
  1 cup Steamed Spinach
  1 cup Herb Tea
  1 Oreo Cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack
  Rest of the Oreos in the package
  2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream
  1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
  Nuts, Cherries, Whipped Cream

Dinner
  2 Loaves Garlic Bread with Cheese
  Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza
  4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
  3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars

Rules For This Diet
1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the
   candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you
   don't eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count.  Example: hot chocolate,
   brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the
   entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
   Example: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories.  The process of breaking the cookie
   causes calorie leakage.
8. Late-night snacks have no calories.  The refrigerator light is not strong
   enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter. 
9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives
   and spoons have no calories.  Examples: Peanut Butter on a knife and
   ice cream on a spoon.

Food of the same color have the same number of calories.  Examples are
spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.
Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.