Title: Dibertisms

DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK

If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A "Pat on the back" is only a few inches from a "Kick in the butt."

Don't be irreplaceable, you'll never get promoted.

It's not what you do that matters, it's what you say you've done or
going to do.

After every raise, you'll have less money at the end of the month
than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen the rest
of the day.

When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again, then quit.  No use being a
damn fool about it.

There will always be empty beer cans in your car when the boss wants
a ride home.

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

Never delay the end of a meeting or the beginning of Happy Hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is
supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really
good, you can get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

The authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of
pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules won't get the job done, but getting the job done
is no excuse for not following the rules.

You can solve any problem by asking, "How would the Lone Ranger
handle this?".

No matter how much you do, it is never enough.

The last person fired will be held responsible for everything that
goes wrong.

From: Greg