Subject: Z Shap of Things to Kum

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially
the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a
feasability study of ways to improve efficiency in communications between
Government departments.
 
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and
thorough.  What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out
these anomalies and anachronisms.  Of course such a program would be
administered by a committee of eminent linguisticians from all participating
nations.
 
In the first year, for example, the committee might suggest using 's' instead
of the soft 'c'.  Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this
news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters
are pronounsed the same. This kould klear up konfusion in the minds of
klerikal workers, plus typewriters kould be made with one fewer key.
 
Enthusiasm kould snowball when, when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that
the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.  This would make words
like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments
would enkourage removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent
to akurate speling.
 
We can al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful.  Therefor we kan drop thos and kontinu to read and writ as though
nothing had hapend.  By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began
and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
 Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al,
half a 'w'.  Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words
kontaining 'ou'.  Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations
of leters.
 
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuali hav a reli sensibl
riting styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis and
evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand etsh ozer.  Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud
finali hav kum tru.

From: Ray