Mr. Baby/\
Blonde jokes
When she took me to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport left", she turned around and went home.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
When the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the "Any" key.
When I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said, "Cherry or Grape?"
She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She tried to drown her goldfish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and nearly starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
She took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She asked for a price check at the dollar store.
She stands up on an empty bus.
She studied for a blood test and failed.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald's and said, "Hold the cheese".
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
She peels M&Ms to make chocolate chip cookies.
She got locked in Furniture World and slept on the floor.
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
One day a blonde lady went to a local Florida Department Store to buy a pair of alligator shoes. As she was looking at a very nice pair of shoes she noticed the very expensive price. She didn't have enough to pay for the shoes, and she was outraged. She marched right up to the counter and told the clerk exactly what she thought of him. She left very angrily, but on her way out she made a comment to the clerk and in that comment she said,"With prices like these I should just go out buy me a gun and kill my own alligators." the clerk replied very sarcastically,"Good Luck!" The clerk went on with his day not even thinking about the lady that came in early. As he was locking up to go home at the end of the day something caught his eye. There in the swamp was the lady waist deep with a gun in her hand. At that moment something else caught his eye, off to the left about 25 yards away was an alligator swimming right towards her. The man started jumping up and down screaming at her trying to get her attention. She turned seen the alligator took aim and shot. She drug it to shore where there was about eight other alligators laying dead on their backs. Then she flipped it over too and said,"damn this one is not wearing shoes either."
There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day she decided to get makeover. She cut and dyed her hair brunette and went driving down a country road, searching for someone who would appreciate her for her intelligence. When she came across a herd of sheep, she stopped and called the shepherd over. "That's a nice flock of sheep," she said. "Well thank you," said the herder. "Tell you what, I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" "Sure," agreed the Shepherd. So the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied: "382". "Wow," said the shepherd. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then the herder said: "Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Yo mama jokes
Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can seen people waving.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles.
Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN".
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop.
Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "I'll take it!'".
Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn".
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please".
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code.
Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved.
Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her.
Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky.
Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball.
Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun.
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell.
Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck.
Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views.
Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family.
Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon.
Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.