From Once Upon a
Time When the Princess Rescued the Prince
by Rosemary Lake
Queen-of-the-May and the Vampires
Once there was a pretty country girl whom everyone called Queen-of-the-May, because she seemed to have an almost-perfect life. She had charming manners, and everything she tried turned out well. She won all the village honors, whether for playing or dancing or crafts, and was chosen Queen of the May every single year; so that became her name.
In all the village, the only people who did not love May were her own two sisters, who were mean and stupid and spent all their time looking for some way to get May into trouble.
Now one autumn, just at the Harvest Festival, Prince Randolf, whose father was king of the whole country, happened to be riding through the village. He reined his horse for a few moments to watch the pageant, and happened to see May being crowned Homecoming Queen. He stared and stared, then told his attendants to ride on without him. When May stepped down from the stage, the prince was there holding out his hand.
May and the Prince danced and danced; then they slipped away from the crowd to walk all night in the woods, sharing their hearts' secrets. “When I come of age,” the prince said, “then we can be married.” For they both knew that the king would not approve a romance between the prince and a simple country girl.
“But how can we see each other in the meantime?” said May.
They had come out of the woods into a hidden glade between a rocky cliff and a peaceful lake. The prince looked at the cliff and smiled. “Come here to this glade next week,” he said, “and I will have a surprise for you.” And then they bade each other fond farewell, and the prince rode on to the capitol.
When he got back to the palace, the first thing Randolf did was to visit his chief wizard. “Build me a tunnel,” the prince commanded, “from my room in the palace to a certain rocky cliff in the country.…” And he told the wizard the whole story. “And I will need a way to travel back and forth very quickly,” he finished.
The old wizard smiled. “Youth and love.… Just leave it to me!” Next day while the prince was dressing, a magic door opened in the wall of his room and the wizard popped out, bowed, and said: “Your tunnel is ready, your highness.”
Beyond the magic door was a round tunnel lined with gleaming polished crystal. “Just take a running start, your highness,” said the wizard, “and – slide!”
The prince did so, and the tunnel was so smooth and magical that he instantly slid all the way to the other end and popped out of the rocky cliff into the glade, just as May was stepping into the glade from the path through the woods.
After they had hugged and kissed, she stammered, “But how–?”
“May I show you?” Putting his arm around her, the prince jumped into the tunnel and slid them both to the palace. There he introduced May to the wizard.
“Ah,” said the wizard, with a sigh. “As I suspected! Youth and love! – And here is another gift for you both.” He gave each of them a small bag of blue powder. “When one of you wants to see the other, just throw a pinch of this powder into the air, and it will instantly carry your message.”
After that, May and Randolf spent many happy times together in the glade. When May wanted to see the prince, she threw a pinch of powder into the air; and, immediately, wherever he was, the prince saw a small blue cloud and began sneezing. At once he would withdraw to his room and slide to join her.
In the glade, together, the sweethearts built a little bower of blossoming branches, and they played at sliding back and forth in the crystal tunnel (though May was too cautious to come out into the palace). And for May's birthday the prince brought her a luxurious gilded canoe.
Randolf had quite a time smuggling the canoe into his room, but once he got it into the tunnel, it slid smoothly to the glade and popped out right in front of May. She laughed and pushed the canoe into the lake; and from then on, their frolics included paddling about and exploring all the hidden places around the lakeshore.
Thus all went well for a long time. But May spent so many hours away from home that her mean sisters became suspicious. One day the oldest sister followed her to the glade and spied on the sweethearts. As she watched, the prince kissed May goodbye, then knocked on the secret door in the cliff to open it, took a running start, and slid away.
The oldest sister hurried home and told the middle sister all about it. “We can't let her get away with this!” they decided. “She's had all the village honors, and now she's going to marry the prince. That is just too much.”
“But what can we do?”
“I've heard there are some vampires living in the woods,” said the oldest sister. “Let's go and ask them.” For it was well known that the prince was a great enemy of vampires.
So the evil sisters went into the woods and searched till they found a gloomy mansion, where the fence was made of bones and the lanterns on the gateposts were made of human skulls. Steeling her nerve, the oldest sister knocked at the door (don't ask what the knocker was made of!).
A fat, hairy vampire man opened the door and said, “Who are you?”
“We are enemies of Prince Randolf,” the oldest sister answered.
“Then come in and welcome!” said the vampire.
“Er, no, thanks,” said the oldest sister. “But our sister and the prince–” And they told him the whole story.
“I've got just the thing!” said the vampire, showing all his teeth in an evil grin. He brought out a bottle marked:
VAMPIRE
SPECIAL
POISON IVY
EXTRACT
“Spread this on the floor of the prince's tunnel,” he said, “and break the crystal walls, so there will be lots of sharp crystal pieces on the floor. Then when the prince slides through, he will cut his skin and get poison in the cuts.”
“And our sister will get in trouble. Wonderful!” The evil sisters took the bottle. “But what do you want in return?”
The vampire licked his lips. “You say your sister is young and healthy?”
“Oh, yes.”
“Then send her to me. She sounds delicious! You can tell her I have the antidote…”
Next day the sisters hurried to the glade and followed the vampire's instructions. They slid halfway through the tunnel, then pounded the crystal wall into millions of pieces. When the floor was covered with sharp glass splinters, they poured the poison all over it.
Then the evil sisters slid back to the glade and hid themselves in the bushes and waited.
After a while May stopped by, on her way home from the village. She sat down on the canoe to rest for a few minutes; then, looking around at the beauty of the tall trees reflected in the lake, she sighed, “I would like to see Randolf for just a little while.” So she took out the magic powder and threw a pinch of it into the air, and waited happily for the prince.
But a few minutes later, instead of the prince arriving as usual, there was a horrible scream from the middle of the tunnel. Then Randolf stumbled out, his skin cut all over.
“I must go home … to the palace doctors.…” he gasped, after he told her what happened.
“I'll go for help,” said May.
“No,” said Randolf, “I must not be missed at the palace. I have to go back through the tunnel.”
Try as she might, May could not dissuade him. So finally she said, “Then we'll use the canoe.”
She pulled the canoe to the mouth of the tunnel and Randolf lay down in it, while May held the gunwale so the canoe could not slide away by accident.
Walking carefully along the slippery tunnel, she pulled the canoe with the tip of one finger till they reached the broken section. There she stood back and gave the canoe a push and watched it SCRUUNNCHHHHhhhhhhhh across the broken crystals and glide out of sight, carrying the helpless prince. Then May went sadly home to wait for news.
Soon the bad news was proclaimed throughout the kingdom: Prince Randolf was on the point of death, and the palace doctors had given up hope. His father the king was offering a reward: any woman who could cure the prince might marry him, or any man who could cure him might have half the kingdom. “Well, May,” her oldest sister sneered, “now's your chance! Wouldn't you like to be queen of the realm, as well as Queen-of-the-May?”
May scarcely listened. “I am going to see him,” she said, running to change clothes.
“Maybe,” her middle sister called after her, “the vampires would have an antidote.…”
May quickly pinned her hair up tight, put on rough riding trousers and jacket, saddled her horse, and rode off for the capitol. She chose the quickest route, a narrow dirt road leading over a lonely mountain.
Night found May in the middle of the deep dark woods. She wanted to ride on and on, but her horse was tired and thirsty, and far off in the woods she saw a dimly lit house. “Maybe there we can get some water for you,” she said to her horse, turning him that way.
When she drew closer to the house, she saw that its fence was made of bones and the lanterns on the gateposts were human skulls. “Woops, not a safe place to get water!” she murmured, patting the horse. “Vampires must live here.… But didn't my sister say something about vampires having an antidote that might help the prince?”
May tethered her horse in a thicket out of sight, then tiptoed back and circled the gloomy mansion. At the back she found a giant oak tree whose limbs overspread the bony fence and grew close to a lighted upstairs window.
Stealthily she climbed the tree and peered in the window. Inside was a dining room with a wall hung with trophies: stuffed animal heads, human heads, elf heads … swords, lances, maces … suits of armor and the like. A fat vampire was sitting at the table with a red napkin tied around his neck, and his wife was setting down a big platter holding a roasted whole dwarf with a toadstool in its mouth.
May held her breath and listened for whatever the vampires might say.
“Oh handsome fat hairy one,” the female vampire said, “what is the news of the world?”
The male answered: “Well, those two girls used our poison and Prince Randolf is about to die. The king has announced a reward for his cure, but of course the doctors are wasting their time.”
The female asked, “Why cannot the doctors cure him?”
“Because,” the male boasted, holding up a tiny bottle, “the only cure for Vampire Special Poison Ivy Extract is this Vampire Special Antidote.”
May did not wait to hear more! She climbed down the tree, hurried to the front of the house, and knocked loudly with the knocker, without even noticing what it was made of.
“Who is there?” called the male vampire.
“I am a poor helpless maiden,” May answered, “lost and hungry, oh, dear, what will become of me?”
From a window above, the female vampire threw her a loaf of stale bread.
“My thanks for your mercy,” said May. “But I am a poor tender plump tasty maiden, and where shall I spend the night?”
Smacking his lips hungrily, the male vampire let the girl in and led her upstairs to their dining room. “Just sit down, my dear girl. Wife, bring her the … special … wine.”
May sat down and ate some bread and butter and fruit, pretending not to notice the roasted dwarf. The tiny bottle of antidote was still sitting on the table.
With an evil smile, the male vampire closed and locked the window. While his back was turned, May grabbed the bottle of antidote and put it in her pocket.
The female vampire returned with a glass of wine. May pretended to drink some, then pretended to get sleepy. “Do you have a bed for me?” she murmured.
“That–” said the male vampire, standing up and baring his fangs, “ –will not be necessary.”
“Roast pickled dwarf is all very well,” added the female vampire, “but it cannot compare with fresh warm blood. Fresh warm frightened blood…”
They both came toward her, blocking the door.
There was nothing to do but fight!
Queen-of-the-May threw the wine in the female vampire's face, grabbed an elfin sword from the wall of trophies, and slashed at the male.
Screaming in rage, both vampires bared their claws and attacked, clawing and biting.
Furiously May slashed and thrust with the sword, and soon both vampires lay dead on the floor.
May checked the bottle of antidote in her pocket – it was all right. She ran downstairs and out to her horse. Delaying only to feed and water him in the vampires' barn, she rode on immediately for the capitol, not even stopping to wash her face.
May rode all night and arrived at the palace just as the sun was rising. Forgetting that she was wearing rough clothes and was dirty from the trip and bloody from the fight, she knocked on the door and asked to see the king at once. “I can heal the prince,” she begged. “Please hurry!”
“Are you crazy?” said the gatekeeper. “Guards, get this dirty tramp out of here!”
No one would let her into the palace!
Finally May had to sneak in through the servants' entrance. In the cloakroom she stole a beautiful red satin cloak and a plumed hat with a veil studded with jewels to hide her dirty face, and pearled satin gloves to hide her bloody hands.
When, so dressed, she came out of the cloakroom, everyone made way for her. Swirling the cloak, May strode up the stairs like a grand lady and announced arrogantly: “I can heal the prince!”
The king hurried to meet her and led her straight to the prince's bedside, asking no questions.
The prince was lying unconscious, his face drawn in pain and his skin deathly pale except for livid red gashes.
Reaching under her red satin cloak, May took the bottle of antidote out of her trouser pockets and gently spread the medicine on the prince's wounds.
Immediately the look of pain left the prince's face, and in a few minutes the wounds closed and healed. To May’s great joy, the prince stirred. Looking confused, he opened his eyes and sat up. Still dazed, he stared without recognizing May behind the jeweled veil.
May was too happy to speak.
The king said, “My son, this great lady has healed you and won the reward I proclaimed, namely to be married to you.”
Dazed but polite, the prince said: “Married? I give this grand lady my thanks, but unfortunately I cannot give her my heart, for it is already given to a village maiden.”
Has he lost his wits? May thought, forgetting she was in disguise. It may take some time to win his love again… How can I be near him…? In a choked voice, she said to the king, “In that case … I claim the promised reward of half your kingdom.”
The king sighed, because he would rather marry his son to this splendidly dressed lady than divide his kingdom. “Do you love your village maiden so well, then?” he asked his son.
The prince answered, “More than my life.”
May reached her gloved hand to him, but the prince drew back. “Please, madam–”
Then May realized what was wrong. She tore off her satin gloves, hat, veil, and cloak and stood there grinning in her dirty trousers and shirt, still covered with horse sweat and vampire blood.
“Guards!” shouted the king.
“May!” shouted Randolf. He jumped out of bed and kissed her, and her hair fell down in shining curls around them both. “Father,” he said after a moment, “may I present my fiancée?”
The king was so happy to see the prince recovered, and was and so grateful to May, that he straightaway gave his consent to their marriage. And when the king found out that May had killed the vampires, he gave her one-quarter of his kingdom as well.
The wedding was celebrated that very week with great festivity; and as for the wicked sisters, they were so angry that they jumped into the crystal passage themselves and died of their own poison.
May and Randolf lived happily together in the king's palace for many years, and after the king’s death they got rid of all the other vampires and divided the whole kingdom between them.
Though many details are mine, this story follows “Verde Prato”, Second Diversion of the Second Day, in the Pentameron by Basile, translated by Sir Richard Burton. Some of the motifs show up in stories in other southern lands: Lang’s “The Satin Surgeon” who disguises herself as a doctor to heal her lover, a pinch of magic powder thrown to bring the lovers together, etc.
When a girl sets off on an adventure, many old stories say she “disguised herself as a man” or “put on men’s clothing.” Often I think the point is merely that (because women normally wore dresses) trousers, boots, and practical jackets etc were referred to as “men’s clothing.”