Emmet County The Des Moines river is tangled in the hills of Emmet County like a calloused hand in the hair of a young farm wife. Above a graying barn, a rusted weather-vane points toward the whirring stir of cicadae. On a weathered porch, an old man rocks like an old boat at sea. Beyond the timbered hills, thunder frames the sky with a gentle lace of lightning.
1. Is there enough detail? My goal was to provide just enough detail to
allow the reader to paint his/her own mental image of Emmet County.
2. Do the four stanzas work together as one poem , or would they be stronger
as four seperate poems dispersed throughout a collection?
3. If the poem, or poems, were in a collection, would that collection be
worth reading?
4. Any suggestions?
I love the poem, it has a real potential.
I would add some details (and drop a few things that slow the flow of your poem.
For example: The Des Moines river / is tangled in the hills.
This is a very strong beginning and works very well to a point. What I need to see, however, are those hill.
Show us what kind of hills they are. Are they green, covered with pines? OR colorful, covered by rained leaves, or what?
The next verse is "of Emmet County." I think you do not need this verse at all, especially that you have already told us you talk about this county.
In the next stanza, I think that the lines "points / toward the whirring stir of cicadae." might be combined in one line.
In the next stanza I would like to see this "old boat," I need to have more details. Also, here you could play on the similarity to hills that also may rock in some way.
This poems rocks. It is hard to see how the collection would work. If the rest is equally strong, sure, I would read it.
Stefan <nn_h@hotmail.com>
TX USA - Tue Jan 9 12:30:02 2001
Readers: You may wish to contact Kevin Clark privately with your ideas about this poem.