OWED TO MY AGENT

whose job it is I think I know
his desk is in the office though
he's out to lunch with so and so
and working hard at spending dough

you can tell by his large seating
that he goes to every meeting
lots of talk and lots of eating
and its always us that's treating

he collects dues and pay the rent
and tell us why he should be sent
to every single damn event
to which he's not already went

do not think that I begrudge it
just because he has no budget
and can spend it and then fudge it
tell us all he did misjudged it

he sees himself as shining knight
with mucho looks and tres polite
plus compensation out of sight
and politics extremely right

but when it comes to being there
to breath that lousy stinking air
or bust some schmuck from who knows where
you understand why I despair

some say that I should not deride
salute the flag and let him slide
then sleep together side by side
with elephants in donkeyhide

in order to avoid that fate
I think that I will simply wait
until that future unknown date
when I shall reach that pearly gate

so do not think it awful queer
if I keep scratching the veneer
it is the only way I'm told
to see if there is any gold

backstroke

to everyman a time will come
no one evades that rule of thumb
mere mortals cannot overcome
the swinging of life's pendulum
so hoist a glass and beat the drum
the captains gone, the scurvy scum

his ship not long was left to drift
as suits and ties all acted swift
and carefully they did review
each member of the motley crew
to pick the mate who would proceed
to don the helm and wear the lead

apparently there was a test
for each mate strutted out his best
in an attempt to lead the rest
they mouthed the proper platitudes
then held the proper attitudes
along the proper latitudes

some wanted gold, others power
and for each this was the hour
to raise the level of their greed
or satisfy that other need
to be the local potentate
and over others dominate

for that was how some got their kicks
why they had stood and took their licks
and waited for this time to come
it is the rule of rising scum
that skimming some from off the top
just elevates another crop

some of these mates could hardly walk
while others all they did was talk
none were pretty, none were witty
most were lazy, some were crazy
and it would be hard to agree
which one should lead the company

it is my guess that every grunt
who was not dead was in the hunt
to be the one who would replace
whoever rose and left their space
for thus the most incompetent
move higher into management

nothing is new under our sun
so hoist that glass and let it run
another circle has begun
the big brass met and round they spun
till they agreed and now its done
the albatross is number one

one wonders how the fates decide
who they applaud, who they deride
what formula it is they use
to measure men then pick and choose
whose head the jeweled crown adorns
whose head supports the crown of thorns

most scientific minds agree
whoever wins the fittest be
but judging by what i can see
in studying man's history
bureaucracy's the principle
that seems to be invincible

it thrives regardless of the clime
resides in every single time
it glues the present to the past
ensures a future for the caste
and lives by rules which can defy
whatever reason you apply

while avarice is what men boast
fear is the tool that they use most
so if you need to stay afloat
just keep in line, don't rock the boat
the waters cold, the ice is thin
why fight a battle you can't win

heros only live in fiction
justice is a part of diction
so stay on board, revere the powers
salute the flag then bank the hours
and don't climb out upon a limb
until you're sure that you can swim

i think myself an honest man
who pays his debts how 'er he can
the style i got from don marquis
and what i owe is what you see
so if you wake before you sleep
here rests a promise that i keep

COMPLAINT DEPT