Things have been repeated to me today:
angry things,
obvious things,
painful things.
I understood them before,
and I understand them now.
I understood them the first time they were said to me . . .
. . . but people still felt they needed to be repeated.

One of the greatest things in my life was taken away today.
Taken from me, because of a mistake.
Because of an accident that could have been prevented,
With only a little more preparation . . .

Every single time something horrible happens in my life,
My mind reels, thinking of all the "if only's"
"If only this had been different . . ."
"If only I had done something else . . ."
"If only I had never gotten out of bed that morning . . ."
Then all could have been prevented.
Things would have been fine.
I could still see her.

I'm still crying.
It's eight hours later, and I'm still crying.

It kills me how calm you were.
You were so calm that I didn't believe
that you fully understood
what had just transpired.
How do you do that?
I feel like I've fallen,
and dropped you.
You've fallen from my grasp
in the dark,
and there's no chance I'll ever find you again.
You were such a bright spot in my life,
that's it hard to believe you're gone now.
It's hard to believe I can't still find you in the dark.
It's hard to believe that there's no way.
It's hard to believe that it's over.

"I love you," you mouthed to me
as the car drove away.
I was as strong as I could be
until the car disappeared from sight.
Then I fell, crumpled,
the gravel seeming more friendly than ever,
bawling like I never had before.
I thought of how much I'll never learn about you,
How I'll never get to touch your skin again,
How I'll never have you leap into my arms again,
How I'll never be able to kiss your forehead again,
and I cried.

I still can't believe this happened.
It's still so huge that it seems impossible.
I suppose that's what all victims of a disaster say.

There's a picture of you beside me now,
and every time I look at it, I sob.
You were the single most perfect person,
that I ever knew.
And I had the privilege of being your lover,
right up until the world came crashing down on our heads.
We were crushed, we were separated,
and I lost you, somewhere in the dark.