I want to reassure you . . .
          . . . but . . .

It's more than that.

I want consolation, reassurance
          that what I'm doing
                    means something

"It's okay," you say. "It's no big deal.
"It doesn't matter."

i cringe,
      shrivel
        shake
collapse inwards
          upon myself
the beauty - the purpose
          the thing i gave myself to
. . . doesn't matter . . .

i feel like screaming

Should I say it?
          Should I come out and admit
that at times I want to extend myself -

          -to more than a fling?

But that's not what you want
And

(thusly)

Your casual words -
    _of something
        _I hardly
            _feel casual
                _about
make me
                                                stop
rewind.
reluctantly rethink.

i just don't want to miss any opportunities
          and i don't want you to, either