i want something to fight against
to take arms against
      whether it's right or wrong
to do it blindly
to do it out of hatred
the only thought in my mind --
the eradication of this
      this . . .

      whatever it may be

i want to refute
i want to refuse
i want to reject
i want to remove

sharp

      dangerous

      black razor

is that it?
is that what i lack?
do i need hatred to have a meaning?
no
but i want it anyway
i crave it
i'm so sick of placidity
      sick of docility
      sick of that warm comfort
i want to feel that bite
i want to feel that searing pain
if only to know it exists
and to know that i can still experience it
while i'm stuck in my all-too-friendly world
of friends and smiling faces and conformity
this nauseating sea of buddies
all so one-track, one-dimensional

feel the burn
feel something outside your realm of understanding
feel me