Charade

Forget it.
I'm so tired of appearances,
          tired of this crap.
Everything is new, so I can't
          afford to a bad first impression

Just once, I'd like to say no.
          I like to drop everything
          and say I don't care anymore.
                    I'm tired of making sure you all like me.
                    I'm tired of being Mr. Social,
          meeting new assholes who don't give a damn,
          expending countless effort over things
                    that don't seem to matter at the end of the day.
          I'm tired of this battle.
I'm tired of fighting to make friends.

But it's hard being lonely.
It's tough when you're the only one,
          sitting by himself,
as groups of people pass you by.
And as much as I'd like to raise
my middle finger sometimes,
instead of play it cool and calm and collected,
I have to remember
                              that loneliness.

Is it better to be alone,
or to be in the company of those you don't enjoy?