It's sort of like defeat.
It's sort of like failure.
I tried at this, I really did.
I wanted to be able to do it.
However,
I guess I'm just not cut out,
I guess I'm just not able.
I believe that I could do it
if I were willing to truly extend the effort,
                    to put in the fire
                    the strength
but I never extend myself far enough.
Lack of motivation makes me falter,
fail.
There are some things in this
          that I love,
some things that are better than I've ever seen
in such things.
But as marvelous as those aspects may be,
They can't keep me from the other parts,
That I find less than pleasant.
I see them, and I cringe,
I look down, I shake my head.
I don't want to do this anymore.