Feeling this way wouldn't be nearly
      as bad
          If I knew why
    I was

"What's wrong?" you ask
I have no good response,
because I don't know.

I can't even believe I'm writing this now.
I knew I didn't want to.
Admitting this,
        even to myself
is like a culmination of my fears –
- an option I hadn't even wanted to consider
        because it would be failure
          of my dream, my desire

I suppose I could accept
          such a thing.
But I would want to know
          why