It's my own little violent fantasy.

I've run over it a thousand times
in my head.
Different situations,
Different beginnings,
          same ending.

I hate you.
I actually do.
I hate you with an intensity
that I haven't felt in a long time.

"Ever since I heard about
what you've been doing
I've been looking for an excuse
to hurt you."
         
"If you keep this up,
          you're going to give me that excuse.
Go on.
Give me my excuse.
I dare you."

It's been a long time
since I wanted to seriously injure
                    someone
I am a little surprised (bemused),
That this should come to the surface now . . .
                    . . . but . . .
I think I know why.

I am fighting for something I want.
          -something I want more than anything
Something I hold dear.
If this makes me possessive . . .
                              . . . so be it. I no longer care.

But I'll be damned if I let someone
who doesn't even deserve this
          Take it away from me.

Right now I'll be calm.
Composed.
Clean.
But in my mind, every day
          I'll be hurting you.
And one day, you'll push too far
          and these dreams
          these filthy little nightmares
          will happen.

I can't wait.