All the things you had to do . . .
Be cool, but not cold,
Be calm, but not catatonic,
Be friendly, but not overeager,
Be fun, but not hyperactive,
Be sensitive, but not emotional,
Be attentive, but not obsessed.

All the little things
you need to pay attention to
keep rising up
and rising up
and rising up
and rising up
and rising up
until oh, for crying out loud,
Why do I care so much?

Can't I just not worry about it?
Can't I just . . . not care?
What's so bad about being single?
Is it such a sin?

According to some individuals,
yes, it is.
You have to find a friend.
                    A close friend!
You have to find a date.
                    A good date!
You have to find a girlfriend,
You have to find a significant other,
You have to find a lover,
You have to find a partner,
You have to find a fiance,
You have to find a wife,
You have to find another girlfriend,
You have to find a soul-mate.

Why does my soul need a mate?
Can't my soul just be a loner?
is that so wrong?
so bad?
hm?

Our nation is so hung up on dating,
On finding the right person for you!
The one for you is out there somewhere . . .
. . . probably hiding under a rock.

We have so many dating services,
that offer so many options,
that it's absurd.
Men seeking women.
Women seeking men.
Men seeking men.
Women seeking women.
Men seeking men or women.
Men seeking goats.
Men who aren't picky and who'll seek just about anything that walks.

Let it go.
There isn't always a hole in you,
That needs to be filled by the presence,
          by the love of someone else.
We aren't all filled with holes.
We can be solid if we need to.

Stand up for your rights!
Be a loner!

Oop! It's late!
I gotta call my girlfriend.