Mewling Bastard

I've finally listened to the other part of me
The part that I ignored
And didn't want to listen to
When this began again.

I've just made a total U-turn,
Spinning right around in my victorious march of will,
Stumbling as I turned
And ending up face-down in the mud of my own ironic statements
I'm crawling back on my hands and knees,
Head lowered and limited in what I should think
I'm crawling back on all fours
I'm crawling back to you

And I hate it.

What do I even expect to find when I reach you?
A new start at an old ending?
Another collection of dead possibilities?
Why exactly am I coming?

I'm confused.

A part of me wants this so bad, a throb of blind need
But a part of me says no, denying it firmly.
The denial has been in place for a while,
And the need is starting to win.
My sudden bursts of rational, long-term thought
Are muffled by the smothering waves of wanting
And I keep plodding onward through the mud
Desperately searching for you

You mewling, pitiful bastard.
Pick yourself up off the damn ground,
And wipe yourself off.
You're better than this, even if you don't want to be.