Have you ever woken up crying before?

The tears trickling down my cheeks,
Before I even awoke.
Soaking my pillow,
Before I even gained consciousness.

When something is torn out of your life,
you suddenly notice all the spaces
that it had previously filled:
all the little cracks it had found its way into.
I notice you everywhere now:
in the things people say, and do.
In the things that no longer happen,
but I wish so badly that they would.
I don't even care when the phone rings anymore.
I know it won't be you.

It hurts.
It's even gotten to be a physical pain,
that wracks my body in waves,
always starting at my chest,
and reaching a crux at my neck.
I can't even hold my head up any more.
I just sob, face down on the bed beneath me,
tears soaking the sheets, wetness spreading,
spreading like the pain in my body.