Poison

I've been living
With death mere inches
away from my head
And I never knew it.

My body tenses
And my voice becomes neutral
As I prepare myself
Eyes locked, never drifting.

I want to hurl the bookshelf back
To throw things around
To kill it,
to smash anything in the way . . .

The furniture overturns
And it moves
Black, writhing, menacing
The object of hate in my mind
I'm staring, unsure, unmoving
A fascination fueled from fear and anger
As it waits, eyes taking in
The change in environment.

When my life is in danger
I go one of two ways
I become hysterical,
and repeat myself constantly,
Or I lock up, deadset
My entire body solid
A mass of weight that could swing
Could thrash at the slightest notice.
I become angry.

I suddenly lash downwards,
slamming down on it
Fear bypassed, anger flaring
My arm propelled by festering anger
Poison splatters on the wood
Something moves under my hand
Dying underneath my fingers
My eyes blink, and I stare

I lean back and fall into a chair
Unable to stop from staring
Chills going through my body uncontrolled
As I watch the poison stain the wood
The poison that could have been in me
      If I had let it go,
      It I had passed it by
      If I hadn't noticed.

It's dead
But still I want to kill something
The anger is still there
Slowly releasing like a steam vent