Revelation

Revelation

I think I've been looking at this all wrong.

Depression has a tendancy to be self-defeating.
You enter a firm state
Where you don't even want
      to think about anything
      other than what bothers you.

A cycle:

  • wash, lather, rinse, repeat
  • Add in a half cup of Doubt and Worry
    if the stress level gets too low
    We must keep that conscience
    in an unpleasant foamy condition

    I need to get out of the washing machine
    Kick open the door
    and wipe these stupid suds off me
    and manage to not slip on the way out

    I need to look at my friends differently
    I need to notice just what they've done
    While I've been moping about
    In my dreary shell
    I need to cherish what I have
    Instead of whine about what I don't

    In depression, your focus is . . .
          . . . different.
    You never look at the good things,
    However present they may be
    It's part of the cycle:
    Good things are scorned
    or looked down upon
    While every single little tiny
          whiny crappy piece of dirt
    that's in your life
    is brought to the surface,
    to be inspected and concentrated on
    much more than it needs to be.

    I need to go thank Chris
    for being a figure of optimism,
    a beacon of happy light,
    no matter how dark it was around me.
    I need to go apologize to Mandy
    for unintentionally ignoring her
    when all she wanted was to talk,
    to be near somebody friendly.
    I need to go thank Jeanette
    for doing what she did
    while we were backpacking.
    I really needed the comfort.

    I need to hang out with
          Sam and Irwin more.
    I need to stop what I'm doing
          the next time Ashley calls.
    I need to find out what
          the hell happened to Briana.
    I need to talk to Tyler more.
    I need to call Allison more.

    I need to go hug some people.

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