Last night, I dreamed everything was fine.

It was wonderful, such a feeling of warmth,
and comfort, and love . . .
. . . everything was okay.

Then I awoke.
And everything was not.

It was like everything happened again,
but three times faster.
All the scenes rushed through my head,
and tears instantly came to my eyes.
Realization of what had happened
hit me.
What we had done, what we had caused,
What we now bore.
Nothing I do can make up for it.

How could this be real?
How could this be my life?
It still seems to unbelievable,
yet all the memories are there:
me going through the scenes,
saying the lines . . .
not somebody from a movie.
It was me.

This is like a car crash:
You know it could happen to you,
You've heard of it happening to others,
you've seen it all the time on TV,
but . . .
It's still a shock when it happens to you.
It's still unbelievable when it's you
that it explodes upon.

I'm hearing screaming.
Is it me?
Oh god.
Is it me?