Sometimes, I wish I could turn off my sex drive.

I wish there was just a switch that I could flip when it suited me. All the impulses that end up in my brain, telling me to do things I may regret later, would simply . . . stop. Then I wouldn’t say things like that, I wouldn’t do things like that, I wouldn’t even think them. Unless I wanted to.

All thanks to my marvelous switch, which I would always keep handy with me. I’d never leave home without it, never be caught without it in an emergency. For emergencies of that nature do happen, and to be caught unprepared can mean disaster. Disaster for me, disaster for my friends, disaster for my family . . . disaster for all around me. I don’t want to hurt people, or cause them grief, so in order to protect them from me, I would carry this switch. In order to protect me from myself, I would carry this switch.

You say
          You move
                   You are
          so . . .

Sometimes, I wish I could turn off my sex drive.

If just to live my life with only one set of directions. If just to live my life straightforward, without complications from the inside. I can handle the rigors of life, I can take confusing things, but I am accustomed to them coming from the outside. I can fight the enemy, but what do I do when I am the enemy?

I could flip the switch. Then, the discordant voices would be silenced, the treasonous shouts drowned out by the calm hum of electricity from the switch. Peace, and inner harmony like I had never known would suffuse itself throughout my body, emanate from my being. I would be an incarnation of control, of balance. In order to maintain myself, I would carry this switch.

Sometimes, I wish I could turn off my sex drive.

If just so I could once again take things for surface value, without anything else. I could take what’s meant, not implied. I would stop searching for hidden meanings, and hints, and subtle come-ons that don’t and never did exist. There would be no motives, no subplots, no plans that I didn’t want. My role, my part in this play would once again be mine to decide, and no longer flying out of my hands due to something I did or said.

Sometimes, I wish I could turn off my sex drive,
          if just so I could sleep again.