Well, I suppose at this point we're getting into some stuff that you may not want to know about me. If that's the case, hit the back button now. If you go on, don't blame me for your upset over anything you find out here, because I've thought hard about my life choices and I don't regret any of them.

I'm one of those guys who loves women. To say that I'm heterosexual doesn't really cover it, because that's just about sexual attraction, which is not (at least not completely) the same thing as love. I never know what I'm going to fall in love with about a particular woman. Some I love because they're unafraid of passion or pain, and because they play rough. And some I love because they are reserved, because they move slowly and carefully, living their lives and pursuing their fulfillment gently and deliberately. In some, I fall in love with their depths of compassion, and in others, with the breadth of their knowledge. And then there's intellect. Intellect is a major turn on for me, especially when they're doing something which is creative and a work of skill and craft. As Garry Trudeau observed, "There's nothing sexier than a girl geek on a big coding run."

Woman, thou art ever re-created. And I thank whatever's holy for your infinite variety.

But -- and this is a crucial point -- that means I love more than one woman at a time. Heck, I still love, in some way, every woman I've ever been involved with. I can't help it. It's who I am. I'm not sure whether it's a blessing or a curse, but whatever -- it's me.

Now, most of those loves are remote. Some of them are people that I know I'd never be compatible with as partners. Some of them have married other men (or in a couple of cases, women) and because I love them still, I'm happy that they've found happiness.

I've never cheated on a lover. I've never deceived one to be with another. When I've been partnered with women who really needed me to promise not to be with anyone else, I've promised that, and I've kept my word. Because I loved them, I didn't want to hurt them, and that was reason enough not to pursue relationships with anyone else.

But from time to time I've been partnered with women who didn't make that demand, and generally, that's been more satisfying to us. Those relationships have also, so far, been deeper and longer lasting.

My longest lasting relationship in college was a trio. We tumbled into bed together almost by accident after way too much caffeine and not nearly enough sleep while we were getting a huge project done. In the morning, we all agreed that something very weird had happened and we needed time to think about it. We thought about it. We were together and happy for almost two years. The thing was, no two of us worked together very well as a pair. They were both bi, but het enough that a pairing between them was not satisfying to either. Without the first, the second and I would never have gone out and experienced much beyond our studies. Without the second's help, I'd never have had the energy to keep up with the first alone. But together, we worked. We were able to do, and be, so much together that none of us, and no two of us, could have done or been separately.

Another time, I was part of a "menage a cinq" for a year and a half. I won't explain it exactly; it was complicated. We used to go dancing together, and out to plays, and ... *sigh.* Lots of pleasant memories there -- and still one hard lump of pain. See, one of the other guys in this little family had his own biofamily turn hard against him when they found out about the whole thing -- to the point of abandoning him when he needed medical help, trying to have his scholarships revoked, and denouncing all of us as "perverts" to our families. We had other problems at the time, mainly financial ones over his hospitalization and our college classes, and eventually that stress broke us up.

Perverts. That one really gets to me. You live with people for a year and a half. You comfort them when they're down, you turn to them when you need help, you're there for them through thick and thin, you take them to the hospital when they need to go, you write poetry and computer programs together, you make rent on an apartment together, you consider carefully having kids, you start a business together, and you generally build a life. What does anybody see? a "Pervert." One word. One categorization. A complete denial that the rest of our lives had any meaning at all. Talk about missing the point. Which is the bigger affront to morality, I want to ask; learning to love and care for people, or abandoning family in an hour of need? *sigh*. Well. That's in the past. Everybody survived. It's best not to dwell on it too much now, I guess.

And now, out here on the coast, I'm in love with another beautiful woman -- and close friends with her husband -- and I'm making more happy memories.

When we were first getting involved, I sent her the original draft of the Poly Geek Relationship Disclosure Form-- which is something I wrote. My basic idea was that I knew we were both seeking something that lay a little outside the typical. I figured if we found out immediately, before we got involved, what dark secrets and issues we'd need to communicate about, we might get a "jumpstart" on our inevitable confusion and get past a few of the bigger barriers quickly. It seems to have worked -- we've been together for more than three years now. It seems that every few weeks I hear that someone else has used the PGRDF form -- so I'm leaving it on the web for the public.