A FEW THOUGHTS ABOUT...
A FEW THOUGHTS ABOUT...
BODY ART
I don't get body piercing. I've never intentionally pierced my body. Done it lots of times...just never intentionally.
I am fond of the tattoos, however. My favorite is one I saw a while ago. It was a picture of a skull resting on a bed of snakes with an inscription that read "No, I didn't get it in jail".
BUMPER STICKERS & T-SHIRTS
Did you ever think you would see the day when you can get run off the road by a Volvo with a "Schools Out - Drive Safely" bumper sticker.
The other day I was driving to work when I was very rudely cut off by a car with a bumper sticker which read, "Back Off - I'm A Goddess". So of course I hit her...got out...walked up to her...and said, "Hi there, I'm an atheist".
It seems like much of our communication with each other happens either through bumper stickers or T-shirts. I kid you not...the other day I saw a woman walking two dogs with a T-shirt featuring the international "No Smoking" symbol, pass a man who was smoking a cigarette wearing a T-shirt with the symbol for "No Dogs".
KIDS, TV, & SOCIETY
I want to talk about kids for a minute. Kids, those mysterious beings that live among us who can commit to memory the secret codes to all twelve million levels of "Super Mario", but can't find their shoes.
Kids are a product of the Big Lie...that babies are "cute". You see, we as humans need the big lie, because if we ever admitted the truth to ourselves about these loud, ill-tempered, foul smelling insomniacs, we would have ended up on the endangered species list a long time ago.
They call it the miracle of life, and I'll tell you, if something tried to live inside of me for nine months...then tried to crawl out through an orifice ten times too small for it, it would be a miracle if it lived.
Then comes the Big Lie II, the sequel..."It's just a phase they'll grow out of". Like there's this phase called the "terrible twos"...it starts when they're about two and ends when they get a job and an apartment.
You spend the first year of their life teaching them to walk and talk and the next seventeen telling them to shut up and sit down.
You know, when I was a kid, I thought "Because I said so" was the stupidest answer I'd ever heard...not even a real answer. Then one day I heard myself say it...and by god I meant it.
But kids are different today. A lot of people blame it on the media...and I for one am damn glad the media is there to take the blame...saves a lot of trouble looking for something else to blame it on. Because we have learned in this society that the way to solve a problem is to find someone else to blame it on. And the simpler the
answer the better...because we yearn for simple answers. For instance, if poverty is a problem, the cause must be that we've got all those damn poor people running
around...they're the problem. So if TV is to blame for warping the minds of our youth, it's takes the heat off of us parents. Sure we have dysfunctional families in this country. That's what you get when you have an entire generation that grew up with Fred and Wilma as role models.
MEN & WOMEN
If you want to truly understand the difference between men and women, consider the term, "matching socks". When a woman says matching socks she means: Do they go with my outfit?...Do they match my purse?...Do they match my nail polish? When a man says matching socks he means: Are they both the same color, more or less?...And if the stripes at the top clash, who's going to know?
The same applies to dating. See, women put an incredible amount of forethought into the situation before accepting a date. "Do I like this guy?...Maybe I like him but not in that way...Should I insist on paying my own way, which will signal that I might not be ready for a relationship". The problem with all this thinking is that it only pays off if the guy does an equal amount of thinking. And we all know that most guys subscribe to the Irish Setter approach to dating..."You want to go out?" (pant, pant, pant)
BEER & COMMERCIALS
Has this ever happened to you? You hear a new song on the radio and the first thought that pops into your mind is, "Wow, that would make a great beer commercial!"
Because beer commercials have become part of our cultural heritage. One of my all time favorites is the one which starts out, "Beer came over on the Mayflower". Which might explain why they were 500 miles off course. "This don't look like Virginia to me"..."Yeah, well pull over...I really gotta take a leak...Been holdin' it since
Greenland."
Nothing against beer, mind you. I love beer. In fact I'm going in next week to get a penis enlargement so I can drink more between pit stops.
The commercials I hate are the ones where they scream at you at maximum decibels, then whisper the stuff you really want to know, like the truth. The ones that start out "FREE CARS! COME GET YOUR FREE CAR! HURRY DOWN! WE'RE GIVING AWAY FREE CARS!
Thegovernmentrequiresustotellyouthatwe'relyngthroughourteethandwouldtellyouanythingtosellyouacar."