Robert L. Rush: The Truth
The Unauthorized Biography of Robert L. Rush
Chapter One
The Presidential Treatment
The sun broke a dirty crimson over
the LA basin, bouncing off the roofs of car packed on the freeways, cars
carrying workers to their jobs, where they would be packed into cubicles for
eight hours before returning to their cars, only then to sit packed together on
the freeways once again as the sun set. As Bobby watched the sunrise he knew
that today would be the day that everything changed. After today everyone would
know who he was. No more small time. No more scuffling.
"Cue intro in five",
Lisa's voice broke through as the strains of Dada's Disneeland faded in
the headset, "four…three…two"
"AND NOW, THE BAD BOBBY BAKER
SHOW, ON FM 86 K.U.M." Bobby snuck in one more snort from his inhaler. The
coke rush surged through his head as Lisa gave him his cue.
"This is BAD Bobby Baker, and
we are coming to you this morning on a live remote from the Nixon Library in
"Good Bobby."
"I guess this is kind of early
for you."
"Actually, it's kind of
late."
"Right, I hear you. This is so
cool. We are, as we speak, we are actually standing on Richard Nixon's grave.
Divine, I gotta ask you, you ever been here before?"
"Naw, it's a ways out of my
turf."
"Are you sure? I hear that ol'
Dick was quite the ladies man. But as they say in your business, Divine, time
is money, so let's get down to business. How much would it cost for you to give
me the "presidential treatment right here and now?"
"You talkin' head, I'd want
five grand."
"Five g's…ooh, that's steep…but
what the hell, it's not my money. I hope the bean counters back at the station
sleep late. Of course those losers probably tune in to lite rock. Anyway, let's
get to it! We're talking radio history,
people." As she kneels, the commotion in the background intensifies.
Suddenly one of the security guards breaks through. As Bobby hits the ground he
can hear the sound of sirens in the distance.
*****
As he sits facing the desk Bobby
can't help but notice that the sunlight streaming in the window only intensified
the crimson glare from Ed Barnard's forehead. In the six month's since Barnard
had become station manager he and Bobby had butted heads on almost a daily
basis, and these confrontations usually left Barnard red-faced and hoarse. But
today the old fatass was reaching shades of purple never before seen on a
living person. By contrast, all the color seemed to have been drained out of
Neil Schwartz, Booby's rat-faced weasel of an agent. Bobby could detect no
change in the facial color of William Murtaugh, the station's legal counsel.
Bobby speculated that Murtaugh had a clause in his contract banning garlic and
crucifix' from the workplace.
"Look at me when I'm talking to
you, you asshole." Ed's voice had already reached that raspy quality Bobby
knew so well. "What the hell made you think you pull off this moronic
stunt, which has plunged this station in to a sordid and humiliating incident,
without consulting management?"
"If I had consulted you, you
would have stopped it, cost me and the station thousands, maybe millions, of
dollars in free publicity."
"This incident will cost this
station more in litigation and lost sponsors…not to mention the cost of bailing
you and your people out of jail and the five thousand dollars paid out to Miss
Brown, which we stand little chance of recovering…than we could ever gain in
publicity, assuming this were the sort of publicity we desired.
"You'll get you cut, Murtaugh,
so what are you bitchin' about?"
"I think we need to focus on
damage control. If Bobby were to make a full apology on the air, perhaps after
a brief suspension, this whole thing can be smoothed over."
"Fuck you, Schwartz."
"I have already prepared an
apology to read on air by your replacement. You're finished at this station.
Fired! Terminated! Do I make myself clear? If you not out of the building in
five minutes I'll have you thrown out.
*****
As the sun beat down on the asphalt,
Bobby and his agent stand in the parking lot.
"If you ever try to put words
in my mouth again, I'll kick your ass from one end of this lot to the other.
Listen, with all the publicity from this offers should come poring in. I'm
gonna want at least double what I'm making now, so get on the goddamn phone and
get me some offers."
"Are you insane? After this no
one will touch you. And even if somebody was willing to take a chance on you,
do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?
Trespassing…kidnapping…assault…lewd act…drug possession. You're going away for
a while.
"You slimy fag."
"Go to hell, asshole, I'm done
with you." With that Schwartz climbs in his Benz and leaves Bobby standing
in his exhaust.
*****
To
be continued