George W. Bush

"One bad hombre"

RLR: We're talking today with the next President of the United States, George W. Bush. G.W., Lets get right to the issue. You have described yourself as a "compassionate conservative". As you know, most conservatives view compassion as a weakness. How do you reconcile these seeming contradictions?

GWB: It's just a spin Bob. I'm as committed to our conservative values as ever. But in a national election you have to broaden your appeal, your charisma, as my Hispanic supporters say. It's like…there are certain areas of the country where you can't win as a conservative, so you call yourself a moderate. And winning is what it's all about.

RLR: I assume that also accounts for your courting of minorities.

GWB: You're referring to the Latino vote, as my Hispanic supporters say. I know it's risky for a conservative to openly court a non-white constituency, but as anyone from Texas can tell you, when you factor in their aversion to birth control the potential demographic is just too large to ignore.

RLR: So you feel that your conservative credentials are intact.

GWB: Yes. I think my trip to Bob Jones University proved that.

RLR: Yes, you certainly took a lot of heat from McCain and the liberal media over that one.

GWB: You're right about that, Bob. It took some real juevos to go down there, as my Hispanic supporters say. But I made the commitment to go down there…and I did it for one reason. Those boys down there have a truckload of money.

GWB: Yes I have, and I think it's outstanding…muy bueno as my Hispanic supporters say. Exactly the kind of thinking that goes over big down in Texas.

RLR: Thank you. I must say I admire the way you folks down there handle those liberal gun haters…in particular your hard line toward litigation against gun makers.

GWB: Bob, I cannot stand by while these frivolous lawsuits target companies that are producing a legal product. I'm afraid we've opened a Pandora's box with these tobacco lawsuits and who knows where it will end. Do we, for example, sue oil companies because gasoline causes air pollution?

RLR: I imagine the boys down in Midland would stain their britches pretty bad over that one.

GWB: You're damn right there, Bob. That's why we need to elect me El Presidente, as my Hispanic supporters say. So that I can appoint judges that will ensure that that never happens.

RLR: Thanks G.W. and good luck in the struggle against that Godless tree-hugger.

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