Recount This!
By Robert L. Rush
As we stand on the edge of history, on the precipice of a Constitutional crisis of unprecedented magnitude, it is imperative to understand the forces at work here. On the one hand we have President-elect Bush and the Republican leadership, asserting their claim to their undeniable right under the Constitution and the rule of law to govern this country for the next four years. On the other we have Al Gore and his liberal henchmen, attempting to subvert our electoral process through re-counts and threats of litigation. Aided by a band of pro-Lieberman trouble makers and Jesse Jackson…the third head (with Clinton and Gore) of the liberal anti-Christ…the liberals seem hell-bent on destroying our Constitutional form of government. The Republic stands impotent as the will of the people is held hostage by a cadre of minority subversives bent on anarchy and backed by the might of the liberal establishment.
WAKE UP AMERICA! It never should have come to this. If not for the lies and distortions of the Gore campaign and his allies in the liberal media, without the media fixation on such frivolous issues as Bush's DUI and the pollution levels in Texas, GW's ascension to the Presidency would be unimpeded by a bunch of feeble-minded whiners who can't figure out a ballot. The morally-bankrupt tree-hugging bureaucracy of the last eight years would have been terminated, Clinton and Gore exiled to CSPAN, and a smooth transition toward "One Nation Under God" could proceed. Instead the forces of darkness (led by the unions, the trial lawyers, and the Hollywood elite) conspired to steal the election and plunge our nation back into the morass from which it hoped to emerge…and very nearly succeeded! This is when I believe a third force came into play…Divine intervention.
It's a well known fact that God hates liberals. Their hedonistic, commie, tree-hugging, baby-killing, permissive, feminist, sodomizing "life-style" is an abomination. But more than that he hates their tendency toward tolerance and open mindedness. Because the Truth is that God's Word is absolute, with no room for interpretation or fuzzy math. The liberal agenda is an affront to everything God stands for.
Now, I hear you, America. You're asking, "If God hates liberals so much, how do you explain Clinton?" Well God has given me the answer to that one. In the early 90's we strayed from the righteous path of the Reagan years into the pseudo-liberal intellectualism of the "big tent". At times in our history when god has seen us wavering upon our principles he has seen fit to deliver us unto a Clinton, or a Jimmy Carter, to remind us of the evil that lurks down that road.
But God would never abandon his flock, and when he saw that we were in danger of remaining under the spell of the godless liberals, he showed his mercy and sowed confusion in the minds of the voters in Palm County, causing them to vote for Pat Buchanan, God's second favorite candidate. And so we were delivered from the clutches of the liberal coven. But the struggle is not over. We need to ensure that God's will is done and the election results remain intact. For what God has fixed let no man tear asunder.
Because it's Right
Because it's the Truth
Because I said so!
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