By Robert L. Rush

The recent string of shark attacks along the East Coast is a tragedy that has stunned and saddened the entire nation, causing concern nationwide and fear along the Atlantic coast. Little did you know, however, that this was exactly the intent of the perpetrators. That's right, these attacks were no accident, no random encounter of man and nature, but a desperate and diabolical plot by one of America's most nefarious enemies to attack American citizens in their own waters.

Information was recently published in the Weekly World News (or the Globe or the Inquirer, I can never keep them straight) that Fidel Castro is breeding sharks and releasing them along the eastern seaboard, in order to spread death and panic among the civilian population of that region. When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense...after all, in no region of the country is there stronger opposition to marxism in general and Castro in particular than the Southeast. Who knows that the life snuffed out by these bolshevist predators might not turn out to be the next Strom Turmond or Jessie Helms or David Duke. My own sources tell me that there are specially trained schools of great whites targeted to assassinate Jeb Bush, Katherine Harris, and others responsible for thwarting the Clinton/Gore/Castro conspiracy to steal the election in Florida.

WAKE UP AMERICA! The time for action is now. The danger to our republic has never been greater. Castro with his own herd of killer sharks is like giving pit bulls to trial lawyers. It has to be stopped and it has to be stopped now. As I see it, America has two options...the first is to build and deploy our own fleet of man eating freedom fighters. With our clear superiority in genetic technology we could develop a vast armada of bigger, quicker, meaner breeds, much the same way we do with linebackers. Once our stockpiles are replenished, we would flood the waters off Cuba with bloodthirsty defenders of the free market system. While we're at it, we could plant a few in the sea-lanes between here and Haiti. A fresh water variety should be developed and deployed in the Rio Grande (and the Great Lakes for that matter) to curb illegal immigration. And schools strategically deployed along the California coast would be a great help in dealing with the domestic liberal problem.

The second option is to build and deploy a space based shark defense system. Tracking satellites could detect enemy sharks entering our waters, and powerful lasers and ion cannons would blast them into sushi. It might cost billions to deploy a shark wars system, and to develop the technology to be able to tell a shark from a dolphin (or our sharks from theirs) but I think any patriotic American will be willing to foot the bill for the peace of mind such a system would afford.

Which option should we choose? I say there isn't a choice...we should do both. Now, I can hear the liberals whining, "It's too expensive...you don't know if it will work...it will escalate shark proliferation...you might hurt some dolphins...". My response is "Shut up, you disgusting rabble of sniveling cowardly idiots. This may be a democracy, but it's our democracy, and if you don't like it you can get hell out!

Because it's Right

Because it's the Truth

Because I said so!

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