The Onion borrows a page from the Barbara Simpson playbook as it reports on the newest front in the war on terror: "Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each Of Us". From the article:
Since toppling the Taliban regime in 2001, U.S. forces in Afghanistan had searched for bin Laden primarily along the rugged Afghan-Pakistani border, but overlooked that place inside every one of us that has ever raised his voice in anger or turned away from someone in need....
"I know this classified information may be hard to hear," [President] Bush said. "But I urge each and every American to perform a covert search of his or her own soul. Join me in quiet self-examination and self-interrogation. Ferret out the terrorist inside you and bring him to harsh and swift justice. Together, we can topple the last major stronghold of terror in this world: our own doubts and fears."
My inner terrorist is afraid, very afraid.
My inner rice paper-treading Carradine is in full Crane Position on Osama's sorry keister.