Eye Test

An immigrant from Czechoslovakia went to an optometrist
for an eye checkup.

 The doctor started with some simple testing, showing him
 a standard eye chart with the letters:  CRKBNWXSKZY

 The doc then asked, "Can you read that?"

 The Czech then answered, "Read it? Hell, Doc, I know him!"
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They're Back!

Q:  What has 99 legs & 49 teeth?
A:  The front row at a Willie Nelson concert
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Late One Night...


Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he
thought was empty.  He tiptoed through the living room
but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a
loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"  Silence
returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The
frightened burglar stopped dead.  Frantically, he
looked all around.  In a dark corner, he spotted a
bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He said to the parrot, "Was that you who said
Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes," replied the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he
asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the
burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the
doberman Jesus."

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents.  Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him
that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first
time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps
the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
Atthe register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack.  The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my
parents,come on in!". The boy  goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say
grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally,
after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and
whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist!"

An old one...
---------

Father Pat and Father Mike were riding down the highway with Father Pat at the
wheel.  Father Pat had the pedal to the metal when suddenly a rabbit jumped up
onto the highway right in front of the car.

Though he did everything he could to miss the little bunny, including throwing
the car into a spinning locked brakes slide (and almost tipping the car over
with this maneuver), it was to no avail; the bunny bought the big one. Both
priests jumped out of the car, ran back to the rabbit to see if there was
anything that could be done, but alas, it appeared that the rabbit was gone.

Never wanting to give up so long as there was a ghost of a chance, Father Pat
pulled a bottle out of his pocket and, making the sign of the cross, sprinkled
a few drops of liquid on the still body of the rabbit.  Instantly it jumped up
and started waving its little front paws like crazy.

Father Mike looked at Father Pat and said, "It is a miracle!" The rabbit stood
there and continued to wave at them. Since it appeared that nothing else was
needed, the two priests returned to the car and Father Pat continued down the
road. Father Mike kept looking out the back window and for as long as he could
see the rabbit, it was still standing there, waving at them.

When the rabbit was out of sight, Father Mike sat back and considered the
sequence of events. Finally his curiousity got the best of him and he said,
"Father Pat, just exactly what was in that bottle?"

In response, Father Pat pulled the bottle out of his pocket once more and
handed it to Father Mike, who read the label: "Hair Restorer with Permanent
Wave!"

From: Dave