>  -----------------------------------
>  Why did the chicken cross the road?
>  -----------------------------------
>  
>  Aristotle      : To actualize its potential.
>  Roseanne Barr  : Urrrrrp.  What chicken?
>  George Bush    : To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
>  Julius Caesar  : To come, to see, to conquer.
>  Candide        : To cultivate its garden.
>  Bill the Cat   : Oop Ack.
>  Buddha         : If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
>  Moses          : Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has
>                   crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road
>                   doth so for its own preservation.
>  Joseph Conrad:   Mistah Chicken, he dead.
>  Howard Cosell:   It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events
>                   to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented
>                   avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean
>                   achievement formerly relegated to homo sapiens pedestrians is
>                   truly a remarkable occurrence.
>  Salvador Dali  : The Fish.
>  Darwin         : It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
>  Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.
>  Rene Descartes : It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
>  Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
>  Bob Dylan      : How many roads must one chicken cross?
>  TS Eliot       : Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
>  TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?
>  Epicures       : For fun.
>  Paul Erdos     : It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
>  Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
>  Basil Fawlty   : Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
>  Gerald R. Ford : It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its
>                   forward momentum.
>  Sigmund Freud  : The chicken obviously was female and obviously
>                   interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was
>                   mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious,
>                   selbstverstaendlich.
>  Robert Frost   : To cross the road less traveled by.
>  Zsa Zsa Gabor  : It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which,
>                   thank goodness, are good, dahling.
>  Gilligan       : The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.
>                   If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would
>   		 be lost, the chicken would be lost!
>  Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
>  Ernest Hemingway : To die. In the rain.
>  Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on,
>                     but it was moving very fast.
>  Adolf Hitler   : It needed Lebensraum.
>  David Hume     : Out of custom and habit.
>  Saddam Hussein : This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
>                   justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
>  Lee Iacocca    : It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road
>  John Paul Jones    : It has not yet begun to cross!
>  Martin Luther King : It had a dream.
>  James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
>  Stan Laurel        : I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
>  Leda               : Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken?
>                       He's into that kind of thing, you know.
>  Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it
>                         to cross.
>  Groucho Marx   : Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken?  Why, I had an
>                   uncle who thought he was a chicken.  My aunt almost divorced
>                   him, but we needed the eggs.
>  Karl Marx      : To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
>  Gregor Mendel  : To get various strains of roads.
>  John Milton    : To justify the ways of God to men.
>  Alfred E. Neumann : What? Me worry?
>  Sir Isaac Newton : Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion
>                     tend to cross the road.
>  Jack Nicholson : 'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored) reason.
>  Thomas Paine   : Out of common sense.
>  Michael Palin  : Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
>  Wolfgang Pauli : There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.
>  Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
>  Ronald Reagan  : I forget.
>  Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
>  John Sununu    : The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
>                   so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the
>                   opportunity.
>  Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transport0er beam was na functioning properly. Ah 
>             canna work miracles, Captain!  
>  William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
>                       hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
>  Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
>  Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
>  Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
>  Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
>  Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
>  Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of
>                       life.
>  Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
>  George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But
>                     most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie
>                     during the duration.
>  Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
>  Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
>  William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
>  Molly Yard: It was a hen!
>  Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.
>  Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
>  Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and
>               the other are not really opposites in the first place.
>  Paul de Man: (uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it wrote for
>               a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of
>               World War II.
>  Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for *object a*.
>  Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road,
>  Michel Foucault: It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it
>                   no choice-the police state was oppressing it.
>  Jacques Derrida: What is the *differance?* The chicken was merely deferring
>                   from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the
>                   idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside
>                   of language?
>  Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the
>                  feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and
>                  focus itself on its task.  Hens are not capable of doing
>                  this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism  tries vainly
>                  to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely
>                  following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
>  Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road *because of its own rational choice to do
>            so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to
>            each individual.
>  Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.
>  James Joyce: Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo
>               crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
>  James Joyce: To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of
>               its race.
>  Leopold Bloom: Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law. Migration
>                maybe. Mrs. Marion Bloom.
>  Molly Bloom: the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do
>               you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid
>               bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three
>               weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes
>  The Sphinx:  You tell me.