"Houston, we have a problem..."  by Bill Schoenfeld

You may have heard about the Darwin Award -an annual honor given to the person
who did the human gene pool the biggest service by killing him or herself in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the guy who was killed
by a coke machine which toppled over on him while he was attempting to tip a
free soda out of it.  And this year's nominee is....

	The Arizona Highway Patrol came across a smoldering pile of metal
embedded into a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage
resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was
unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what
had happened. 
	It seems the guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assited
Take-Off -actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military
transport planes an "extra" push taking off from short airfields. He had driven
his Chevy Impala into the desert and found a straight stretch of road. Then he
attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired the
JATO!
	The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3 miles from
the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted
asphalt at that location.The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached
maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in
excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for 20-25 seconds. The driver,
soon to be pilot, would have experienced G forces usually reserved for dog
fighting fighter jocks under full afterburner, basically causing him to become
insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained
on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver
applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick
rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4
miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater three feet deep in the rock.
	Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail
and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of
the steering wheel.

Another "Strange but true" tale....

	In California, forestry officials were conducting a damage assessment
following a forest fire when they came upon a body dressed in a wet suit, tank,
goggles and flippers. The body was free of burn marks and subsequent autopsy
revealed the cause of death to be from massive internal injuries. Dental records
provided a positive identification.
	It seems the diver was diving 20 kilometers from the fire site in a
location where firefighters were using helicopters to crane in seawater with
buckets. Evidently the individual extinguished exactly 5' 10" of forest fire.