There were this guy from Arkansas named 
Jethro walking down the road one day
till he noticed his friend across the road carrying a bag.
     
Jethro: "Hey Billy Joe what you got in that bag?"
     
Billy Joe: "In this bag here I got me chickens."
     
Jethro: "Chickens! I sure would like chickens. I bet you 
if I guess how many chickens you got in that thar
bag you give me one..."
     
Billy Joe: "Sheeeeiiit Jethro if you guess how many 
chickens I got in this bag I'll give you 'both' of them"
     
Jethro: "uhhh...5"
     
Billy Joe: "Nope"
     
     
 ----------------------------------
     
HILLBILLY MOM TO HILLBILLY SON
     
Dear Son,
     
   I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.  We don't live
where we did when you left.  Your dad read in the paper where the most 
accidents happened within twenty miles of home,...so we moved.
     
   I wont be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that
lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they wouldn't 
have to change their address, wish I would have thought of that.
     
   This place has a washing machine.  The first day I put four shirts in
it, pulled the chain, and haven't seen 'em since.  It only rained twice this 
week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
     
   The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with those heavy buttons, so we cut them off 
and put them in the pockets.
     
   We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last
payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
     
   About your sister, she had a baby this morning.  I haven't found out
whether it is a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle, 
yet.
     
   Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat.  Some of the men tried to pull
him out, but he fought them off and drowned.  We cremated him, and he 
burned for about 3 days.
     
    Three of your friends when off the bridge in a pickup. One was
driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out.  He rolled 
down the window and swam to safety.  The other two drowned.  They couldn't 
get the tailgate down in time.
     
Not much more news this time, nothing much happened.
     
                                        Love, Mom.
     
P.S. I WAS GOING TO SEND YOU MONEY, but the envelope was already sealed.

From: Karen