English Football Wisdom
Here are some of the foolish things that various football
commentators have uttered, and later wished they hadn't.....
"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch,
even on a sunny day."
(CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard)
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you
stay in football?"
(STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live)
"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot."
(RAY WILKINS, speaking on BBC1)
"I've got a gut feeling in my stomach..."
(ALAN SUGAR, speaking on BBC1)
"I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in
the Premiership, but there are none better."
(RON AKTINSON in a TV interview)
"Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke..."
(Carling FA Premiership WWW Page)
"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have
been a goal."
(DAVE BASSETT, speaking on Sky Sports)
"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have
conceded a couple of goals."
(PETER WITHE, speaking on Radio 5 Live)
"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level
without being able to score goals."
(ALAN GREEN, speaking on Radio 5 Live)
"What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas
began? I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...."
(SIMON FANSHAWE, speaking on Talk Radio)
"And we all know that in football if you stand still you go
(PETER REID, Tyne Tees Sport Special)
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area
for goalies is between their legs..."
(ANDY GRAY, Sky Sports)
"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the
(STEVE COPPELL, Radio 5 Live)
"They [Rosenborg] have won 66 games, and they've scored in all
(BRIAN MOORE, ITV)
"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of
(TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold)
"The lads really ran their socks into the ground."
"He [Brian Laudrup] wasn't just facing one defender -- he was
facing one at the front and one at the back as well."
(TREVOR STEVEN, STV)
"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
(Radio 5 Live)
"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75%
of their nine goals."
(TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day)
"...an excellent player, but he [Ian Wright] does have a black
(GARY LINEKER, BBC)
"We say 'educated left foot'... of course, there are many
players with educated right foots."
(RON JONES, Radio 5 Live)
"That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and
(BRIAN MARWOOD, Radio 5 Live)
"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right
"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about
(NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN, Radio 5 Live)
Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no
(KEVIN KEEGAN, Radio 5 Live)
"We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps."
(BRUCE RIOCH, ITV)
"And I suppose they [Spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA
Cup now than any other time since the first half of this
season, when they weren't ever in it anyway."
(JOHN MOTSON, BBC)
"... and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically
tied to his foot with a ball of string..."
(IAN DARKE, Radio 5)
"I never make predictions and I never will."
"And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the
"....and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96
degrees, is that Falcao is warming up."
"If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can
expect the same thing again."
"I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it."
"The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the
"I think that was a moment of cool panic there."
"Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs."
"Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his
"I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were
"Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both
"They have missed so many chances they must be wringing their
heads in shame."
"It's headed away by John Clark, using his head."
"Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team
to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs
"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody
will catch him."
"The shot from Laws was precise but wide."
"The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour."
"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure
today's won't be any different."
"Many clubs have a question mark in the shape of an axe-head
hanging over them."
"Tottenham have impressed me. They haven't thrown in the towel
even though they have been under the gun."
You have got to miss them to score sometimes."
"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly
"A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is
like a piece of paper saying you want to leave."
"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to
Wembley......unless somebody knocks us out."
"It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road."
"And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few
"Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on."
"What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get
the ball they are attacking their opponents goal."
"Celtic were at one time nine points ahead, but somewhere along
the road, their ship went off the rails."
"That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several
chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and
"...and so they have not been able to improve their 100%
"In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight
"In comparison, there's no comparison."
"I would also think that the action replay showed it to be
worse than it actually was."
"Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides
"Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins."
"Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick
the switch and change from quick to slow."
"Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me."
"I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way."
"And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0."
"They have got their feet on the ground and if they stay that
way they will go places."
"Being naturally right-footed he doesn't often chance his arm
with his left foot."
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in
the air for even longer."
Here are a few more amusing quotes:
What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on
If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so
Bryan Robson (1990)
John Harkes going to Sheffield, Wednesday.
New York Post (1993)
If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be
He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his
Derek Johnstone - BBC TV Scotland (1994)
The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must
have seen something that nobody else did
Barry Davies (1975)
I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel
Stuart Pearce (1992)
They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's
nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a
Glen Hoddle hasn't been the Hoddle we know. Neither has
There's no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He's
another Ryan Giggs
The only thing I have in common with George Best is that
we come from the same place..play for the same club..and
were discovered by the same man.
I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break
the habit of a lifetime for that prat.
Ron Atkinson (1979)
For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are
in the all-yellow strip
John Motson - BBC TV
I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than
Jimmy Hill: Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do
you think Germany has got of getting through?
Terry Venables: I think it's fifty - fifty
Last two not football related:
And he's got the icepack on his groin there, so possibly
not the old shoulder injury.
Ray French - Sky TV Rugby
Ah! isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president
is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew
Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race (1977)