El Crapero

This is basically reserved for those tequilas that refuse to divulge their actual source, or any other useful info for that matter. This usually means that they are sent over to the US in large containers (probably gasoline tanks), and then subsequently bottled domestically, and some lame label slapped on. Why would anybody in their right mind actually buy this stuff? I haven't quite figured that out. I suppose that if you buy the white cans with the black lettering "GENERIC BEER", than these brands may be something for you, otherwise, use as Molotov cocktails during the next riot.

The Brands

Bandolero Tequila
This seems to be the house brand of the Safeway supermarket chain. Comes in your basic clear and caramel additive coloring.

Golden Agave
Hmmm. I guess you would have to classify as the "super premium" Lucky supermarket house brand, after all it costs $1 more. That extra buckero buys you: 1) a more square shaped bottle 2) Extra colors on the label 3) Extra caramel additive.

Hombre Tequila
This is the Long's Drug Store house brand. Sells for about $6.79, and undoubtedly overpriced at that, considering you can purchase other Molotov cocktail ingredients for only $5.99 at Lucky or Safeway.

Jose Mandez
Apparently the house brand of Walgreen's Drug Store. Clear or caramel for hangover of your choice.

Lucky Tequila
Usually found on the bottom shelf in Lucky supermarkets. The long shaped bottle should provide decent torque when using as a Molotov cocktail. Never met anybody actually desperate enough to drink it. Comes in your basic brown and clear. A notch below Lucky's super premium Golden Agave.

Señorita Tequila
The house brand of "Berverages and More". On special for only $5.49, which is one of the best bargains for a rioter on a budget.

(c) Abseits Guide to Tequila