"The news media focused solely on the damage done by Bertha," Hyphenated-Lastname said. "They didn't look for what caused Bertha to commit that violence."
"When men commit violence, it is for enjoyment and control," said Hyphenated-Lastname. "But when women commit violence, it is because they are mentally ill. And how did Bertha begin her life? With a tropical depression. In a compassionate society, we should be treating depression, not condemning the victims who suffer from it.
"Our organization has demanded that the government commit millions of dollars for the New Age Therapy for tropical depressions. But budget cutters who are waging the War On Women say this is 'frivilous.'
"And we are demanding that authorities bring charges against the ones really responsible for Hurricane Bertha's violence. And we all know who that is: Hurricanes Hugo and Andrew."
"We believe that the violence later committed by Bertha can be directly traced to the violence first started by these two abusive males. The newspapers reported that Hurricanes Hugo and Andrew 'battered' the coast. Well, why were these batterers let go?"
"Instead, when Hugo and Andrew came ashore and commenced this battering, thousands of men turned and went the other way. That thousands of men deliberately did nothing to stop this battering shows once again how our society condones battering. All these men are just as guilty as Hugo and Andrew themselves, and their guilt somehow entitles women to a promotion and a big fat raise.
"When Hurricane Hugo hit islands in the Caribbean, that was foreign violence," Hyphenated-Lastname said. "But when he hit our shores, that fits our definition of domestic violence.
"So it is obvious to everyone except backlashers that Hurricane Bertha was a victim. We sincerely hope that, instead of giving in to the punitive mood sweeping our country, we can have compassion for Bertha, and sentence her to probation and the therapy she so desperately needs."