by the Per Broadcasting Network
Colleen Hyphenated-Lastname, president of the Propaganda Organization for Women, is demanding that federal authorities bring sexual harassment charges against Colleen Hyphenated-Lastname.
"I was chuckling over some of my favorite books of feminist humor," Hyphenated-Lastname says, "when I realized that some of the jokes were sexual in nature. I hadn't planned on reading anything sexual in nature. In fact, it was all very unwelcome. Then I realized that by reading these unwelcome jokes, I was sexual harassing myself."
"It was not my intention to sexually harass myself," she says. "But intentions do not matter. The important thing is whether I *felt* harassed. And I did. By reading those jokes, I obviously was being subjected to a hostile reading environment."
"Because of this, I am now suing my own insurance company for emotional distress and punitive damages."
"But we're not after the money," she said. "We're after the publicity."
Hyphenated-Lastname is sure that her suit will be taken seriously. "After all, why would I lie?"
"POW believes that women can be sexually harassed even by underlings and subordinates. We have numerous cases of women professors being sexually harassed by males students who make lewd comments. So if you can be sexually harassed by and underling, why can't you be sexually harassed by yourself? It is entirely up to the victim to decide whether she felt harassed."
Meanwhile, Hyphenated-Lastname is seeking the help of the same experts who have helped President Clinton fight sexual harassment charges. "What I am told," she said, "is that because the harassment was done by someone we like, it doesn't count."
Hyphenated-Lastname also has hired an attorney to fight her own sexual harassment charges. "But we haven't seen the lawsuit yet, so we can't comment."
"The suit was filed in Walla Walla," said her attorney. "When we get a copy of it, we will have a tete-a-tete vis-a-vis Hyphenated-Lastname vs. Hyphenated-Lastname."
However, her attorney said: "Obviously, if she was harassed, then she was the victim, and she's not responsible for her actions in harassing herself."
"It's called the Battered Logic defense."