"We know that men hold all the power," said Hyphenated-Lastname. "And all of the hostages inside the compound were men. Why were women systematically shut out from this center of power? Any time you see a group made up solely of men, you can be sure that discrimination against women is the cause. The Propaganda Organization for Women must insist that society set up special hostage-mentoring programs for women to make up for this injustice.
"We cannot overstress the damage that has been done to women by refusing to let them be hostages. It sends women the message that their lives were not considered valuable enough to be held as ransom. And it meant that, as in so many other areas of life, women were shortchanged of the valuable life experience and the contacts they might have acquired while being held captive.
"History shows that women were originally full members of the party in December at the Japanese compound in Lima. In that early time, before sexism, women did an equal share of the work in attending the party, and they even held high positions. But then men took over the compound and women were systematically excluded by the patriarchy, supposedly for their own 'protection.'
"We are sure that many of the women wanted to stay on as hostages and face the dangers right along with the men. Unfortunately, the men would not let them. Besides, many of these women had to drive their kids to soccer practice.
"To make up for this past injustice, we now demand that women be given preference in entering the Japanese compound and holding positions there. We can start by having Japan name a woman to be its next ambassador. We were shocked to see that the current ambassador -- a man, of course -- had to be carried from the compound on a stretcher. Obviously they're willing to let any old sick person be an ambassador just so long as he has a penis.
"The Propaganda Organization for Women regrets that we were not quicker in demanding that more women be present in the compound. Some people might be suspicious of our timing -- just when the hostage situation ended. The timing is merely coincidental, and anyone who disagrees really just wants to keep women down.
"Besides, POW was distracted by some urgent business. We have recently heard rumors that some woman named Paula Jones has accused President Clinton of something or other. We intend to give the matter our fullest and complete attention sometime in the next millennium."