Sexual Addiction and Sexual Issues

Sexuality is a very important part of life and working on it to clear up problems will provide many benefits. People I work with are usually able to stop their problematic sexual behavior and experience more intimacy and sexual satisfaction with their partner - or move towards finding a healthy partner. My specialty is doing psychotherapy with people with sexual addictions / compulsions and with all kinds of sexual problems including intimacy and relationship issues (for 25 years in the Bay Area). I have offices in San Francisco and Marin county.

My therapy approach is designed to help people:

1. Resolve the root cause of the addiction.
I use a 2-step process for deeper work. First I work to help you understand how and why the addiction developed. This work is to essentially find the root of the problem.  The work on this first step is to make sure that what we find really fits – it has to ring true for you. The focus in the second step is to work at this root cause - to heal and resolve it.  This second phase of the work is the nitty-gritty work of therapy where old wounds and trauma are worked on for healing and old dysfunctional patterns are worked on to be resolved and mastered. 
For this deeper work I use a number of types of therapy to resolve these root causes of the addiction. For trauma I most often use a method called EMDR (eye movement desentization reprocessing - for more info on emdr see: http://www.emdria.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=2). This method reprocesses how the trauma is stored in a person's brain, nervous system, emotions and body. EMDR engages the visual, the negative beliefs (that formed during the trauma), the feelings and the sensations associated with a trauma. It connects the trauma with the rest of the resources in the person; before this, the trauma has been stuck (like an island) and generating negative symptoms. For people who were sexually abused and this is the cause of the sex addiction, this kind of work usually starts to resolve the sex addiction after several sessions. There are many other traumas that can cause and generate the symptoms of sexual addiction. I often see a person's sexual addictive behavior stop within 2 - 4 months when I use EMDR to target the early trauma that is generating the sex addiction.
Additionally I often work with people around their issues of intimacy in relationships. Many people who have a sex addiction have big problems with intimacy in relationships. I find that if I work with a person around these issues and they improve, often the sex addiction fades away as they learn how to get their real intimacy needs met (I have some more info about this a little further down on this page).

2. Stop the damaging sexually addictive behavior.
Doing the deep work of psychotherapy is usually the best way to resolve a sex addiction problem. However I also work with you to design a treatment program tailored to your needs so that you can effectively stop the behavior as soon as possible that is damaging your life. This may involve attending 12-step programs, or attending other kinds of supportive groups. Or setting up certain agreements and structures with your partner to help you remain sober.

Call 415-221-3182 or click here to email me about psychotherapy or to ask any questions you have.
All calls and emails are completely confidential.

Take the test - if you answer YES to 3 or more of the following you may have a sexual addiction:
Do You...

• Put yourself & others at great risk by engaging in unsafe sex?
• Become irritable if sex is not available?
• Believe that sex is your most important need?
• Buy porn or regularly visit "adult" websites?
• Have others tell you - "all you think about is sex"?
• Feel ashamed of your sexual impulses?
• Repeatedly pressure your spouse for sex?
• Lie to get sex?
• Have sexual contact with strangers, multiple partners?
• Use sex to relieve tension?
• Lie to cover up sexual acts?
• Feel at times that your sexuality is out of control?
• Sometimes swear you will never express your sexuality in a particular way again, but repeat the behavior anyway?
• Worry that your secret life might be revealed?
  

Signs of Sexual Addiction:

• Loss of control of sexual impulses.
• Negative consequences from sexual behavior.
• Loss of discrimination toward sexual objects or partners.
• Preoccupation with the search for sexual outlets.
• Increased but not emotionally satisfying or pleasurable increase in sexual drive.
• Ritualizatin resulting in a trance-like state with a blocking of reality & real world consequences.
• Living a secret sexual life filled with shame and lies.
• Violating your own ethical, moral and professional values.
• Persuing sexual interests obsessively despite personal and financial risks.
• Using sex to relieve or escape anxiety.
• Difficulty in connecting feelings of intimacy and love with sexual behaviors.

The basic way to determine if you have a problem is if your sexual behavior is causing damage in certain areas of your life, including your relationships, your career, or your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. The main signs of an addiction are 1. a preoccupation with sex to the exclusion or neglect of work, health, family or social relatiohships, 2. loss of control and 3. negative consequences due to the behavior. And there is sometimes / often denial in place which partially or somewhat completely blocks the awareness of the negative consequences. Basically, if you are unable to control your sexual behavior and you're having negative consequences because of the behavior it is accurate to say you have a problem and should seek help.

Additional Notes about the way I work:

Many people with a sexual addiction have an intimacy issue and for this issue I work to help improve intimacy levels in relationships.  In other words, people with this issue need to learn how to develop real intimacy with another person. The sexual addiction is the symptom showing there's a problem in this area.  Many people with an intimacy issue still need to work on the sexual addiction, but as the work proceeds and the sexual addiction issues get resolved, I focus more on the intimacy issue and how to develop it with a partner.  If the person does not have a partner, I work to help people learn how to choose a healthy partner with the goal of healthy intimacy.
 
My style of working is basically client-centered which means that in any particular session, I work with whatever is most important to talk about and go from there. I am very supportive and positive, and I work to empower clients to achieve life goals. I use empathic listening, reflection and explaining to assist people in going deeper and clearing out whatever is in the way of achieving goals, resolving problems, and feeling better.  

I also work with couples. I like to see an individual with a sexual addiction for several months or more before I see both partners.  The initial work is to help the partner without the addiction heal from the betrayal and break of trust.  As this healing progresses, more focus is put on improving the relationship.  I work to assist partners in clearing up communication difficulties, dysfunctional relationship patterns, and uncovering the vulnerable feelings that are often hidden in power struggles and trust issues. I ultimately work towards the goal of more connection and intimacy, while working with whatever material comes up and gets in the way of intimacy, or is triggered by intimacy.

I have an MA in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies (1989). I've been in private practice since 1988. In addition to my work with sexual addiction, I also work with relationship issues, depression and anxiety, childhood abuse and neglect, career problems, self-empowerment issues and spiritual issues.

See my blogs at  http://bayareasexaddiction.blogspot.com/

Please feel free to call or email me for an appointment, for more information or for any questions. I have offices in San Francisco and in Marin county.

Call 415-221-3182 or click here. All calls and emails are completely confidential.

My fee is $125 for a 50-55 minute session. I sometimes have slots open for clients who need a lower fee.  

Mark Robinett, MFT     e-mail mrobi@sonic.net        Office Phone (415) 221-3182      Fax (415) 324-8137

Office Locations       San Francisco	Marin county
5028 Geary Boulevard San Francisco, CA 94118	610 D Street, Suite A San Rafael, CA 94901
CA License #MFC29231