You are fifty,  going on sixty,
expenses are piling higher,
kids' educations,  family vacations
You never ever will retire.

Carolyn, Judy, Peter, Chris,
Timothy, Jeff and Dave,
Fifties consumers, the first baby boomers--
We went out, the world to save.

Now we think we're older and wiser,
That's probably half true,
From free love and the Pill...  to Mi- nox- i- dil--
Somehow, we made it through!

You are forty, going on fifty,
Cousins, your youth has flown,
Young men and ladies, who once watched the Brady's,
Have got Bunches of your own!

You are forty, going on fifty,
You try a second honeymoon,
Head for Niagara,
Bring the Viagra,
Still can't stay up past noon!

Pat, Jim, Bobby, Skip, Kim and Penny,
Pittsburgh was once your home,
Cindy and Debby and Pam and Jenny,
Now look how far you've roamed!

We may be fifty but we feel like twenty-five,
Not ready to check out,
'Cause when we're seventy going on eighty,
Maybe... we'll figure... it out!