-- BRUTISH COLUMBIA --
NO MORE SCORPIONS - [folk rock]
26 September 2005 - Houston BC
It's the morning after the rain
No more shaking, no more pain
No more clawing at the seams
No more scorpions in my dreams
No more scorpions in my dreams
-
The darkness thins, the mists lift
Sunlight hits the upper cliffs
Birds call out, the day unwinds
No more scorpions in my mind
No more scorpions in my mind
-
A lonely day starts to heat up
A lonely planet still looks beat-up
Patterns shift and patterns mesh
No more scorpions on my flesh
No more scorpions on my flesh
No more scorpions on my flesh
No more scorpions on my flesh
SMELL OF PHEROMONES DANCING - [hard rock]
26 September 2005 - Houston BC
Walking down the street looking real good
Music bounding around the neighborhood
-
[chorus:]
But what's gonna get you thru the night?
But what's gonna get you thru the fight?
But what's gonna get you thru the light?
And what's gonna minimize your plight?
-
Almost (almost) wanting to rub up against
Messages pop out from the walls and fences
[chorus]
-
[ bridge:]
The smell of all those pheromones dancing
And lights flashing over someones
First chance and last chance
[instrumental]
-
The yellow brick road leads around (around)
And the wind comes up and the sun goes down
Walking down the street looking real good
Music bounding around the neighborhood
[chorus]
HER TWITCHY FINGERS - [hard jazz]
26 September 2005 - Burns Lake BC
She just stands there looking at him
With sixteen yards of pain in her guts
And sixteen years of WHY in her eyes
And sixteen tons of tin in her heart
And a shotgun in her twitchy fingers
-
He carefully keeps his mouth shut
He doesn't say a single word
He carefully lets his hand drop slowly
He watches her twitching eyes and ears
He watches her twitchy fingers
-
So go on and twitch - the sonova bitch
Has got it coming, don't you wish?
Twitching into mortality
Twitching into reality
Twitching into eternity
-
[instrumental]
And happiness is a hot twitch
And happiness is a hot twitch
And happiness is a hot twitch
LET'S EAT LIKE PRIMITIVES - [hot accordian]
27 September 2005 - Francois Lake BC
Throw something on the fire
Leave it there till it sizzles
Tear it apart with your hands and teeth
-
[chorus:]
Let's eat like primitives
Let's eat like primitives
Let's eat like primitives
-
Don't grub for roots and berries
Let the women dig up that stuff
Shovel'em down with meaty stuff [chorus]
-
Going out on the hunt
Showing off your prowess
Closing in on the kill [chorus]
-
[bridge:]
Being primitive is so organic
Being primitive is so romantic
Being primitive is so orgasmic
Being primitive is so spasmodic
[instrumental]
-
Don't fret when your teeth wear down
Blame the grits, blame your mates
Don't fret when you die at 29
Blame the gods, blame the fates [chorus]
SAN JUAN WANTS A DRINK - [acoustic guitar]
28 September 2005 - Francois Lake BC
San Juan drove up in a new Porsche
Said, "Kid, I got something to tell you
Something that'll really make you think
But first, let's have a drink or two"
-
He said, "The wheels are a hit with chicks
Gets that St Ingrid hot as a mink
St Pete walks the waves but I can't swim
Hey, how 'bout another little drink?"
-
Then San Juan talked all gloom and doom
I didn't understand or believe a word
San Juan drove weaving along Loon Lake
And I sat there watching the birds
CANADA TO ME - [slow nostalgic]
28 September 2005 - Francois Lake BC
City lights and northern lights and
Grown men running 'round in tights
These sights say CANADA to me
Grizzly bears and beaver snares and
Cross-dressing Mounties sliding down the stairs
These things say CANADA to me
-
Pine logs and peat bogs and
Girls giving cocaine to dogs
These sights mean CANADA to me
Snow falls and granite walls and
Young couples eating stewed moose balls
These things mean CANADA to me
-
[bridge:]
I know you've got a stupid government
And so do we
I know it's not just an accident
Just you wait and see
-
Sunshine and moonshine and
The world's biggest ball of twine
These things say CANADA to me
Short nights and short skirts and
Submarines that don't work
These things are CANADA to me
These things are CANADA to me
MY TARANTULAS - [slow rock'n'roll]
28 September 2005 - Francois Lake BC
Nothing but pain, nothing but love
Nothing but night, nothing but night
Nothing but rain, nothing but time
Nothing but tarantulas, nothing but tarantulas
-
Watch me breathe, watch me move
Watch me live, watch me live
Watch my hands. watch my face
Watch my tarantulas, watch my tarantulas
-
[bridge:]
There's an answer, there's a will
There's a toxin, there's a pill
[instrumental]
-
Feeding my dreams, feeding my heart
Feeding my hopes, feeding my hopes
Feeding my face, feeding my eyes,
Feeding my tarantulas, feeding my tarantulas
TWO CARIBOO - [dulcimer+flute]
30 September 2005 - Burns Lake BC
Oh I wish I had a year's supply of blubber
And two harp seal pups to call me Mother
And a polar bear hide for my pillow
And two cariboo to watch over me
-
Oh I wish I had a trapline in the south
And some red berries so I could paint my mouth
And an ice-cream-cone filled with walrus brains
And two cariboo to watch over me
-
Oh I wish I had a speargun and a kayak
And an igloo with curtains I could tie back
And a Sno-Cat big enough to carry three
And two cariboo to watch over me
SAINT ELVIS RIDES AGAIN - [country waltz]
30 September 2005 - Burns Lake BC
St Elvis smiles down from above
And beams down his everlasting love
Into your heart, into your brain
Until you're quite insane (insane)
Until you're quite insane
-
St Elvis comes into your life
And becomes like a husband, a wife
And never takes NO for an answer
And brings in some go-go dancers
And brings in some go-go dancers
-
St Elvis is always your friend
From the beginning, right to the end
Drinks all your beer, calls you a queer
Fills the yard with Xmas deer (Xmas deer)
Fills the yard with Xmas deer
-
St Elvis will live in your heart
Until your Studebaker falls apart
So dust off and tune up your old guitar
And run it right down to the bar (the bar)
And run it right down to the bar
MIGHTY MIGHTY - [moderate funk]
30 September 2005 - Bednesti Lake BC
She winks her mighty eyes
And flexes her mighty thighs
And shakes her mighty hips
And pouts her mighty lips
-
[chorus:]
She's mighty, mighty, mighty
She's mighty, mighty, mighty
She's mighty, mighty, mighty
And she's mine, all-righty
-
She flashes her mighty teeth
And kicks her mighty feet
And pokes her mighty elbows
And spreads her mighty toes [chorus]
-
She waves her mighty hands
And squirts her mighty glands
She sticks her mighty thumb
Into my cerebellum [chorus]
I'M NEARLY PERFECT - [fast rock]
30 September 2005 - Bednesti Lake BC
Once I didn't feel so hot
So I got rebuilt by nanobots
And now I'm nearly perfect
Yes now I'm nearly perfect
-
I got new eyes, I got new veins
Brand new balls and brand new brains
And now I'm nearly perfect
Yes now I'm nearly perfect
-
It's like I came outa some trance
I just put on some tighter pants
Now I just wanna dance dance dance
Yes I just wanna dance dance dance
-
Play that funky music faster
Watch my brand new rebuilt ass
'Cause now I'm nearly perfect
Yeah, now I'm nearly perfect
-
Pull the power, pull the plugs
Pull the tubes out, drop the drugs
'Cause now I'm nearly perfect
Yeah, now I'm nearly perfect
RIDING THE HORSES - [carousel organ]
3 October 2005 - Cache Creek BC
I found her on the D.C. carousel
Riding the horses up and down
She and her friends screamed like banshees
Riding the horses up and down
She yelled, "We're the four focking horsegirls
Of the focking apocalypse (apocalypse)
Riding the horses up and down
Riding the horses up and down
-
She yelled, "She's Death, and she's Taxes"
Riding the horses up and down
She yelled, "She's Bulimia, and I'm Offline"
Riding the horses up and down
She yelled. "What's worse than taxes or death?
What's worse than purging or being offline?"
Riding the horses up and down
Riding the horses up and down
-
I left her on the D.C. carousel
Riding the horses up and down
Screaming and riding out of hell
Riding the horses up and down
Now there's no hope left in the world
But who pays for hope in the new world?
Riding the horses up and down
Riding the horses up and down
THE MUTANT TEDDY BEARS - [playful]
3 October 2005 - Cache Creek BC
Here come the mutant teddy bears
They're dancing in the dark
They're playing with the kitchen knives
They're playing with the forks
They're playing with the microwave
They're shoving in the cat
Here come the mutant teddy bears
Now go and take your nap
-
[chorus:]
Here come the mutant teddy bears
The cutesy mutant teddy bears
Here come the mutant teddy bears
We're going to have some fun
-
Here come the mutant teddy bears
They're standing at your door
They have a taste for children's flesh
They have a taste for gore (gore)
Their teeth are gleaming silver
Their eyes are glowing red
Here come the mutant teddy bears
Now snuggle up in bed [chorus]
-
Here come the mutant teddy bears
Their fangs are dripping blood
They're crawling 'cross the backyard
They're crawling in the mud
They're sneaking in the back door
They're crawling down the hall
They're crawling into bed with you
Now don't you cry at all [chorus]
ON THE WALL - [moderate folk-rock]
5 October 2005 - Scuzzy Creek BC
You took a photo of me
You posed me just so
My skin scraped, my clothes torn
Behind me was a window
And outside was a world
We could just barely know
-
I took a photo of you too
Back when you were happy
In the sun with your shirt off
Your light eyes were snappy
Just a small scar on your arm
I took it on a Saturday
-
Our pictures are up on the wall
We both smile a little
We're both still alive
And working on the riddles
And I've still got the camera
And you still play your fiddle
JUDY BLUE EYES - [techno-boogie]
6 October 2005 - Manning Park BC
She looks so lovely standing there
With sparkles and baubles in her hair
And the machine-gun she's carrying
Slung over her right shoulder
Pointing nowhere in particular
-
[chorus:]
But I'm not worried
And I'm not nervous
And I'm not running, yet
-
A smile floats on her pretty face
Everyone's hearts begin to race
As the stubby barrel starts to trace
A complex pattern around the room
Like an abstract dance of doom
[chorus]
-
She's beautiful as her finger squeezes
An automatic line that gently teases
The faithful to go home to Jesus
And she touches so many, so fast
And she touches you, at last
[chorus]
NOBODY'S LEFT - [fast rock]
6 Oct 2005 - Manning Park BC
Ain't the day like the night
When they turn out the lights
And everybody fights
Until nobody's left?
-
Ain't the future like the past
When it goes so fast?
And it bites your ass
Until nobody's left
-
Ain't the truth like a lie
As it whizzes right by?
And you laugh and you cry
Until nobody's left
-
[bridge:]
Don't move so fast
Don't move so slow
Don't ever go
[instrumental]
-
Ain't the dark like the dawn
As it slobbers along?
And you scream your song
Until nobody's left
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