Go2Go2Go2
Travel Exhortations
by Ric Carter


TRAVEL GUIDES:
Out-Gassing on Travel-Related Topics

WARNING: Contents herein may contain rude and/or crude language expres­sing rude and/or crude ideas. If such bothers you, piss off and go away.

READ IT NOW:

  • DEITIES and RELIGIONS for TRAVELERS
      Pick A God(dess), Any God(dess)(es)
  • FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE FOR TRAVELERS
      What You Shouldn't Know When You Go
  • PREDESTINATION vs FREE WILL FOR TRAVELERS
      Are We Doomed Or Just Unprepared?


  • MERCHANDISING FOR TRAVELERS
      Never Give A Sucker An Even Break
  • FUNERAL RITES FOR TRAVELERS
      Having A Memorable Final Journey
  • THE UNDERWATER TOURIST
      20,000 Leagues Around Your Bathtub


  • THE TOURIST IN A HURRY
      Seeing Everything in Minimum Time, or
      Around the World in 80 Minutes
  • JOURNEYING TO LOST WORLDS
      Atlantis & Lemuria Are Just Around The Corner


  • TRAVEL and TOURISM for TOTAL MORONS
      You Don't Need An IQ To Go Places
  • TRAVEL 4 TERRORISTS & CONQUERORS & other (PARA)MILITARIES
      Getting The Most Bangs For Your Bucks
  • TRAVEL for VAMPIRES & WEREWOLVES & OTHERS of the UNDEAD
      Doing the Transylvania Trot-ski


  • TRAVEL FOR MODERN PIRATES
      Yo Ho Ho and a Jug of Pennzoil
  • WORK AS YOU GO
      It's Not A Working Vacation, Just An Extended Commute
  • DON'T WANNA LIVE LIKE A REFUGEE
      Journey Into A Better Life etc


  • TRAVEL PHOTOGRAPHY-VIDEOGRAPHY
      Take the Images and Run  
  • ULTRA-CHEAP RVing
      Squeezing Your Finite Bucks Until They Squeal  
  • TO HELL & BACK & BEYOND   [Expanded!]
      Bicycling etc to Afterworlds etc


  • WHEN & WHERE NOT TO CAMP
      Keep That Sleeping Bag Zipped  
  • TRAVEL AS PERFORMANCE ART
      Get Your Script Together
  • TRAVEL AS POLITICAL THEATRE
      Making Your Damn Statement


  • TRAVEL ATTITUDES   [Expanded!]
      The 7 Deadly Sins in Travel  
  • DON'T JUST MOVE - MIGRATE!
      And Don't You Ever Come Back
  • MEDICAL-SURGICAL VACATIONS
      Bloody Good Fun Under the Sun


  • STALKING THE WILD ECO-TOURIST
      Long Pig Never Tasted So Good
  • ASTROLOGICAL TRAVEL
      It's All In The Stars, Or Whatever
  • TRAVEL TIPS FOR BUS RIDERS
      Leave the Driving to Someone Else, Eh?


  • GRAPHIC TRAVEL
      Recording Your Journeys in So Many New Ways
  • LOVE AND SEX FOR TRAVELERS
      Getting It On While Getting Around
  • THE JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME
      Just Don't Get Killed On The Way


  • TRAVEL GAMES
      Play Hard But Fair, as Long as You Don't Ever Lose
  • HOW TO SHIT ALMOST ANYWHERE
      A Complete Guide to Elimination for Travelers
  • HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO YOUR BACKYARD
      The Answer is 85


  • TRAVEL WEATHER
      To Everything There Is A Season
  • TRAVEL TALK
      Essential Vocabulary For Your Journeys
  • TRAVEL FOOD
      As Long As You Don't Have To Eat Crow


  • ABERRENT TRAVEL
      Applying Psychopathology to Your Journeys:

  • Terror Travel, Horror Travel, Gross-Out Travel, etc.
  • OBSESSIVE TRAVEL
      When You REALLY MUST Go Someplace


  • TRAVEL RADIO
      I'm Picking Up Good Vibrations
  • TRAVEL AND PHYSICS
      Applying Modern Physics to Your Journeys:

  • Uncertainty, Incompleteness, Relativity, Chaos-Complexity,
    (Im)Probability, Non-Euclidianism, Quantum Travel, etc.


  • BAD TRAVEL GUIDES
      Where Not to Go, What Not to Do
  • ARE WE THERE YET?
      Destinations and How to Attain Them
  • THE LIMITS TO TRAVEL
      And Just How Far Can We Go?


  • EAT OR BE EATEN
      Travel With Pets & Bugs & Pals & Other Animals
  • TRAVELING WHILE ASLEEP
      A Complete Guide to Journeying During Unconsciousness
  • NO GUILT TRIPS!
      Traveling For Pleasure Without Liberal Anxiety


  • PRAYING AND CURSING WHILE TRAVELING:
      Getting The Most From Your Words
  • NAKED, HERE?
      The WHENs and WHEREs of Public Nudity
  • NO, NOT HERE:
      Which Travel Adventures to Avoid


  • TRAVEL GEAR YOU CAN WELL DO WITHOUT:
      Lighten Up, Dummy
  • TRAVELWEAR TIPS and SURVIVING AIR FLIGHTS:
      Hard-won Wisdom From Previous Travel
  • THE TROUBLE WITH GUIDEBOOKS:
      Why You Should Just Throw Some Away



  • MICRO-GUIDES:

  • ZEN TRAVEL and DADA TRAVEL
      When Sex Just Ain't Enough
  • TRAVEL SOUVENIRS
      Bringing Home Only The Finest Cheap Crap
  • INTEMPERATE VACATIONS
      You Can Make It If You Really Try


  • INNER-DIRECTED TRAVEL
      Go Wherever Your Voices Tell You To Go
  • A JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF YOUR BRAIN
      Don't Let The Dogs Out


  • WANDERING THROUGH PRIVATE GARDENS
      Fence-Jumping Made Painless
  • ALTERNATIVE TRAVEL
      Modes of Movement You Likely Haven't Tried
  • TRAVEL ELECTRONICS
      And How Many Power Supplies Should You Take?


  • THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST
      What to Do When You Go Wrong, or,
    THE ACCIDENTAL TOURISM GAME
      Get Lost And Still Have Fun
  • CLONING FOR TRAVELERS
      Have Fun, Each And Every One Of You!


  • LOST IN THE OZONE AGAIN
      Can't See The Forest For The Decision Trees
  • PORTABLE MUSIC FOR TRAVELERS
      Careful With That Sousaphone, Eugene
  • TRAVELERS as SUPERHEROES
      Which Hyperthyroid Mutant In Tights Are YOU?



  • SEE ALSO:

  •   Note: TRAVEL WITH A SOUSAPHONE   (Overcoming obstacles)
  •   Note: DON'T WAKE ME UP!   Obsolecence of Poetry & Travel
  •   Note: WE ARE WHAT WE:   Defined And Haunted Are We


  •   How2: Travel on US$35-$48 per Day   (Slow Down & Absorb)
  •   How2: Stay Healthy & Fed, Cheap   (South of the Rio Grande)
  •   How2: Tips For Travelwear   (The Clothes Make the Survivor)
  •   How2: Surviving Those Long Air Flights   (Outside First Class)


  •   Note: Travel as a Science   (It IS strictly Scientific, right???)
  •   Note: Boredom, or Why Travel?   (Is there a reason for this?)
  •   Note: Travel (Meditations)   (The where, how and why of it)
  •   Note: Earth Is Shrinking   (Or else we're all getting lots fatter)


  •   How2: Pilgrimage For Morons   (We're all Bozos on this bus!)
  •   How2: InnerSpace Exploration   (Look deep inside. Further!)
  •   How2: Time Travel: A User's Guide   (Go all the way back!)
  •   How2: Labyrinths & Mazes For Total Morons   (Get lost!)


  •   Note: Adventures in Travel (Do you *really* crave adventure?)
  •   Note: What A Chicken Bus Is (For Adventures in LatAm Travel)
  •   Note: The Military Checkpoint (What travel guides don't say)
  •   Note: I SWEAR THIS IS ALL TRUE!   (Would I ever lie to you?)


  • OTHERS SAY:

  • Professor Cahill's Travel 101   (20 indispensable dos and don'ts)
  • Tips For Stagecoach Riders   (some of this applies to buses too)
  • Sir Francis Bacon on Travel   (some things never *ever* change)


  • Gila Monsters   (everything you should know about toxic reptiles)
  • Black Magick In Mexico   (an ever-thriving business for the poor)
  • Guatemala For Gringo Old Farts   (ya can make it if ya really try)
  • US State Department Advisory   (for Americans going to France)



    MORE NOTES:

    Survival, Dogs, and Drivers   (Is Survival Darwinian Or Divine?)
    Inside Mayan Languages   (More Complex Than You'd Expect)
    Inside Roadside Cultures   (North American Are *So* Interior)
    Capitalism Au-Go-Go   (Free Enterprise Is Freer To The South)

    Tarahumara Crafts   (Indigenous Peoples of NorthWest Mexico)
    Inside a Maya Healing Ritual   (WARNING: Not AMA Approved)
    Inside Vegetarians & Vegans   (Alimentary, My Dear Flotsam)
    Healing With Chaparral?   (Like Hemlock, It's So Very Organic)

    A Paranormal Report From Mexico   (Official To SkeptiChat)
    Native American Names   (You Are What You Are Labeled, Eh?)
    El Gringo Viejo   (An Account Of One Emigré's Life In Guatemala)
    The Reno-Antigua Connexion   (Explaining Our Fascinations)
    Swarming Across The Border At Bisbee   (A Bit Exagerrated)

    Nourishing the World   (Lively Italian Depictions Of Sustenance)
    A Day In The Life Of A Visit To Minori   (The Amalfi Coast, Italy)
    The Neapolitan-Amalfitan Experience   (What To Watch For)
    Flying To/From Italy, 2001   (It's Probably Lots Different Now)

    Monte Vesuvio & Pompeii, Etc   (Whole Lotta Shakin' Comin' Up)
    Truth About Lemon-Pluckers   (Why Amalfi's Dogs Are Like That)
    Conspiracies and the Paranormal   (When Aliens Be Redundant)
    Preparing For A Trip To Italy   (It's Not Enough To Chew Salami)


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  • SkeptiLog: Sightings

  • Ridge Rat News
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  • Eat It! Food News
  • NE2: Song Lyrics
  • NE1: Alaska, 1999
  • Other's Tale, 2003
  • RV-Tour the NWTs
  • 4x4s and Ecocide
  • ALASKA ROADKILL AND OTHER HAZARDS:
    How to Identify the Ungulates and Other Large Animals That Leap Out in Front of Your Car as You Drive Through the Mountainous North.

    AND: How to Extract Said Beasts From Your Windshield, Grille, Wheel Wells, Passenger Seat, Teeth, etc.
    AND: How to Identify the Tree that Just Fell on Your Camp or Vehicle.
    AND: How to Tell Which Kind of Bear is About to Devour You.
    AND: How to Tell Which Kind of Flood is Sweeping You Away.
    AND:
    How to Tell What Kind of Windstorm is Blowing You Away.

  • ETs AND UFOs FOR TRAVELERS: Watch Out For Those Anal Probes
  • HALLUCINOGENs FOR TRAVELERS: What You See Ain't Necessarily There
  • BAD POETRY FOR TRAVELERS: Sometimes You Should Just Close Your Eyes & Mouth

  • PATRIOTIC TRAVEL (w/ Phil Ochs' COPS OF THE WORLD)
  • ECO-'GREEN' TRAVEL (w/ Joni Mitchell's BIG YELLOW TAXI)
  • SUBVERSIVE TRAVEL (w/ Warren Zevon's fine song LAWYERS, GUNS & MONEY)

  • 'PATAPHYSICS FOR TRAVELERS: There's Always Another Exception
  • TRAVELING TO THE END OF THE WORLD: Super Discount Vacation Packages to Armageddon
  • THEOPHYSICS FOR TRAVELERS: The God Particle Goes On Forever

  • CRYPTOZOOLOGY FOR TRAV­ELERS: Last Train to Sasquatch
  • STATISTICAL TRAVELERS:
    Are You Average Or Extreme?
  • TRAVELERS AND SADO­MASO­CHISM: Chain Me, Whip Me, Send Me Far Away

  • TRAVELS WITH MY CACTUS:
    A Thorny Journey Of Love
  • A JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF URANUS: A Dark And Dangerous Destination
  • CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:
    Visiting Sites Of Famous Alien Abductions & Manifestations

  • CSI WORLD (There's An Axe-Murderer in My Luggage):
    Visiting Famous Crime Scenes
  • SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAIN­BOW: Visit the Sites of Your Favorite Films and TV Shows
  • NONE DARE CALL IT OBSESSION: Stalking
    Your Favorite Celebrities
  • Opinions expressed herein are possibly but not necessarily those of the author.

    Events described herein may or may not have really occurred in the manner described, depen­ding on what "real" means.

    And no guarantee, explicit or implied, exists for any given definition of "real."

    Events found in mem­ory may be nearer or further than they appear, whether real or not.

    If you don't like the contents of these notes, write your own.

    TOURISTS

    "It is a fine thing to be out on the hills alone. A man can hardly be a beast or a fool alone on a great mountain."  —Rev Francis Kilvert


    "There I stood & humbly scanned
    The miracle that sense appals,
    And I watched the tourists stand
    Spitting in Niagara Falls"
     —Morris Bishop
    "Travel is atavistic, the day will come when there will be no more traffic at all and only newlyweds will travel."  —Max Frisch

    DRSB ! Bisbee ! Coati Works ! Elvis !!

     heading for midnight sunshine

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