Go2Go2Go2
^{Travel Exhortations by Ric Carter}

NAKED, HERE?
  The WHENs and WHEREs of Skinny-Dipping, Total Sunbathing and Other Public Nudity

There are times and places when it may or may not be appropriate for you to enjoy the sun and atmosphere without the impediment of clothing. The savvy traveler should stay attuned to local conditions and customs, to best know when and where to (and not to) disrobe. Following are some guidelines to help you decide whether or not to go au natural, as natural as the day you and Lucy and Adam and Eve were created. Have fun, and don't let your meat loaf.

LEGAL CONDITIONS:

Laws in some jurisdictions provide more or fewer penalties for full or partial public nudity. Feel free to bare all at any time in New York, Berlin, San Francisco, Perth, New Orleans, Bucharest and Calcutta, so long as you don't indulge in explicit or provocative behaviour. But don't get naked in public in Iran, Dublin, Malawi, Houston, Canberra, Mexico, Bratislava or Pyongyang. Your sunny fun will be dealt with harshly in such places, from public humiliation to imprisonment to torture. Always be sure to check the local statutes.

BATHING VENUES:

Ancient traditions exist for skinnydipping and full-body sumbathing at ocean and lake and riverside beaches, and other bathing venues. Feel free to strip at ANY public beach or pool, although you may find it prudent to remain in the water while undressed. Just don't provoke the sharks and barracudas. Bathers in places like Brazil or Australia or Florida, with somewhat restrictive laws and customs, find an inventive circumvention by wearing the briefest of thongs while out of the water. Be sure to always carry shoestrings with you.

OTHER VENUES:

Besides beaches, certain other venues at certain times are very accepting of full or partial nudity. These include zoos, rock concerts (indoor or outdoor), fashion shows, fun zones at carnivals and county fairs, many outdoor religious festivals, automobile-motorcycle-bicycle-foot races, ball games and other major sporting events, and bath houses and gymnasia.

You should generally avoid disrobing in shopping malls, most indoor religious services, public (but not private) schools, military bases and installations, governmental offices including courts, prisons and libraries, banks and financial exchanges, and open-air markets. Walking naked on public streets and highways is always problematic, if only due to traffic hazards. For driving or riding naked in cars, buses, trains and planes, see below.

SPACES & CONVEYANCES:

Anywhere that can be considered your private space, feel free to be in the buff. Whether you own or rent a house, room, ranch, car, van or spacecraft, you can always expose yourself without fear, whether or not fences or doors or blinds are open or closed, up or down. Always open a door or window or hatch or gate however you wish to be dressed or undressed. And similarly, drive or ride any conveyance that you control: car, truck, bicycle, skateboard, coach, airplane or para­chute, skis or skates or pogostick, on horse- or camel- or llama-back.

But you should probably remain clothed on most public conveyances, like (subway or monorail) trains, commercial aircraft, short- or long-haul buses, elevators and escalators, taxis and rickshaws, if only to prevent operator distraction. Cruise ships and commercial and military spacecraft are special cases — as always, check with local regulations and customs.

GROUP ACTIONS:

Environments that are usually hostile to individual nudists are often more hospitable (or at least indifferent) to naked groups. Protests (afoot, or mounted on bicycles, unicycles, rollerblades, skateboards, etc), mass nude photo shoots, ecstatic religious-political-social gatherings, or just hundreds or thousands of pedestrians suddenly deciding to shuck it all — all these may occupy otherwise unfriendly public streets or arcades or arenas. In community lies power; in union there is strength.

WEATHER CONDITIONS:

Weather and other atmospheric and tectonic activity are always considerations in your decision to strip. You should generally avoid public nudity during blizzards, ice and hail storms, Arctic and Antarctic winters etc. (Note that in the latter, members of Polar Bear Clubs have special dispensation.) But you CAN be expected to run around naked during and immediately after hurricanes-typhoons-cyclones-tornadoes, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, meteor showers, and eclipses. Consult your almanac for propitious times.

SPECIAL HAZARDS:

• * WARNING * — Never undress in front of a governmental official, judge, military or police officer, or armed person, unless they are either also naked, or they direct you to disrobe. If so directed, do not expect payment unless prior contractual arrangements have been made. And never argue with someone holding a weapon. Never. Unless yours is better.



• * WARNING * re: zoos and jungles — Higher primates often respond to human nudity with confusion and unwanted arousal. Be very careful when exposing yourself in the presense of orang-utans, chimpanzees and bonobos, gibbons, baboons, and republicans. Gorillas and unitarians can usually be counted on to remain calm.



• * WARNING * — Wearing too many clothes can be just as problematic as the opposite. Do not wear too many clothes at (nude) beaches, when leaving dressing rooms, or when returning home after a long night out. Do not wear someone else's clothes without their permission. Do not wear any clothes when being born or dying. Try to use common sense, if any.

Follow these simple guidelines and you'll rarely have trouble showing your skin in public. If you have any comments or suggestions or whatever, please contact me. Otherwise, it's better to be seen and not heard.

NO, NOT HERE:
  Which Travel Adventures to Avoid

I have written before of an acquaintance, a geologist we met at several Sonoma County parties, a little milquetoast-looking fellow who likes river-running in wild places. He rafts down the Indus River in Pakistan, and rebels and troops fire at their expedition, and a member is shot and killed. He rafts down the Zambezi River in Africa, and a boatsman falls overboard and is eaten by crocodiles. If he rafted down the Usumacinta River in Central America, his party would probably be caught in crossfire between Mexican and Guatemalan troops and Zapatistas, or poison snakes would get somebody. OK, so he's an adventurer, and those things happen. But we don't go with him, we're just travelers; please don't kill us. His journeys seem like good beginning entries in the ledger of WHAT TO AVOID.

I personally have certain standards regarding my prospects for survival. Your standards and prospects may differ, depending on whether you may be classified as a hero-fool (a hero is a fool who tries one more time), or a coward-realist (a coward is an extremely risk-averse realist), or just an Average Joe/Jane ie Mugwump (a mugwump sits on a fence with its mug on one side and its wump on the other). Regardless, here are some factors to consider before embarking on an adventure:

SURVIVAL: Do you face a good chance of being killed? Will your proposed journey put you at significant risk of being devoured by insects or animals or cannibals? Of being shot by bandits or rebels or troops or patriots or poachers or maniacs or hunters? Of being felled by disease or starvation or dehydration or disaster?

ABDUCTION: Do you face a substantial threat of being kidnapped or captured by bandits or rebels or troops or patriots or maniacs or aliens? What is the survival-release rate of prior abductees in areas you plan to visit?

DISASTER: Does your planned journey take you to space-times susceptible to natural or manufactured disasters? Can you reasonably expect to encounter severe storms, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, military actions, risky scientific experiments, predator-arachnid migrations, alien invasions?

EXPENSE: Does your adventure promise to cost more than you have ever or could ever earn, win, beg, borrow, and/or steal? Must you finance your journey with bad cheques and stolen credit cards? Are such machinations the reason for your trip?

BAD VIBES: Do you plan to visit places where members of your national-ethinc-social-religious-gender groups are feared, despised, enslaved, imprisoned, eaten? Can or should or will or must you try to pretend to not be a member of such groups? Can you get away with it? Are you a good actor? Can you fake sincerity? Are you personally obnoxious and/or insufferable? Can you disguise this characteristic? How?

If your answers to many or any of these questions aren't crystal-clear, you might want to re-evaluate your travel plans, your current situation, and/or your very existence. Perhaps the world would really be a better place without you. If so, have a nice trip.

So generally, the adventures to avoid are those where you have a good chance of disease, dismemberment, death, capture, torture, bankruptcy or impoverishment, etc. Your personal tolerance of mental anguish, tearing boredom, pain and fatigue, gross confusion and disorientation and uncertainity, local incomprehensibility, etc, may also play a role in directing your adventure.

RISK REDUCTION: You may note that many of the above threats and risks can be ameliorated with proper planning and preparation, often including a large infusion of money. Then you still risk impoverishment, of course. But you may procure many security and support services, which will tend to convert your individual adventure into a proper expedition. At this point, you should seek funding from institutional or governmental sources. A university or museum may fund your journey into cannibal territory; a mining firm may support your trip into mineral-rich regions; an intelligence service may recruit you to peer into enticing lands. Different risks may then ensue, but at least you'll have a cadre of guards, medics and porters on hand.

If you rate as a complete coward, you may wish to limit your adventuring to imaginary or vicarious or internal journeys. See my guides to Travel While Sleeping and InnerSpace Exploration for assistance.