Go2Go2Go2
^{Travel Exhortations by Ric Carter}

PROBABILITY

One basis of all modern math and science (besides Brahe, Descartes, Bacon and Newton) is Probability Theory, originally created by Blaise Pascal to help gambler friends figure the odds of their winning or losing. As mentioned in the section on UNCERTAINTY, certain effects of travel are statistical and probabilistic: you may only be a squiggle in the bean-counters' datqabanks, representing an economic or demographic impact that is individually trivial but which adds up greatly when you're part of a seething mass of consumers or voters or soldiers or other victims. And as I mentioned in the section on RELATIVITY, there are no absolutes, no constants — everything is variable, and varied, and relative, and relatively incomprehensible.

And so we get to probability in travel. Nothing is certain. There is a 60% chance of rain tomorrow, with a 5% chance of hail and a 0.1% chance that you'll be struck and roasted by lightning if you stand out in an open field. Your airplane has a 99% chance of landing safely if the pilot isn't drunk, a bomb in the luggage doesn't go off, and wind shear doesn't smash you into fragments in the ground. Your luggage has a 95% chance of arriving at your destination, unless you travel by Greyhound or Alaska Air, in which case the probability drops to 65%. You have an 88% chance of taking another breath. Don't exhale. Whatever.

Probability theory is wonderful, and it's very easy to calculate. Just take a total history of everything that's ever been tried or imagined, and divide that by the sums of all the various actual outcomes that ever occurred. For instance, there were over 800 successful Concorde flights and only one crash, so you're chance of dying on a Concorde is now ZERO because they don't fly Concordes any more. We drove just once from the Yucutan to the Chiapas uplands, and encountered just one Zapatista roadblock / holdup / death-threat, that's 100%. 'Loose' slot machines in Reno offer a 96% payback, so you'll only go broke if you pull the lever more than 24 times. See aren't numbers easy? Except on tax forms, of course.

But you'll probably take a less quantitative approach. Why reduce your fun to numbers? Just tell yourself that you will PROBABLY get to where you're going OK, and you PROBABLY won't be robbed or assaulted or catch any vile diseases while you're there, and you'll PROBABLY score at that quaint singles bar, even if you aren't sure of the gender(s) of whomever you end up with. You PROBABLY don't need to bribe any border officials; you PROBABLY won't be abducted by aliens or insurgents or black-market entrepreneurs; it's not LIKELY that a revolution will close the borders and leave you trapped in a hostile land far from home; there is a VERY LOW PROBABILITY that any bullets flying your way will actually hit you. Jest keep telling yourself this kind of stuff; see PRAYING AND CURSING WHILE TRAVELING for tips on other incantations you can repeat under your breath in nerve-wracking moments.

NON-EUCLIDIAN GEOMETRY

Traditional plane geometry is based on Euclid's axioms, which work very well on an infinite flat surface, like a pool table extending forever. But one axiom, about how parallel lines never meet or cross or spread out, bothered some 19th-century mathematicians enough that they developed (or one guy got the idea and everyone else stole from him) different geometries; they devised other axioms, other systems, which turned out to be absolutely necessary for Einstein's RELATIVITY.

In a relativistic universe (which is where we are now), straight lines (whether parallel or not) get all bent out of shape by gravity and/or velocity (which are the same thing). And in non-Euclidian geometries and universes (like where we are when get all bent out of shape), parallel lines can cross like your fingers when you fib or spread like your fingers when you wave HI!

The result of parallels converging and crossing is a universe (or subset thereof) that, instead of being flat like a plane, closes in on itself in parabolic curves, like being trapped inside a stolen basketball. And in the parallels-spreading universe, the plane curves the other way, in hyperbolic arcs, and everything on it falls off.

The applications to travel are obvious. On a Euclidian journey, you're walking or biking or driving or running while being chased by a bull across Kansas. Lines go on forever, parallel roads never cross or diverge, the bull usually catches up with you, and there is nothing of interest to see or do except run faster or daydream or drink or play chicken with oncoming traffic. Kansas is actually flatter than a pancake or a latke or even a crépe. This has been scientifically proved.

But go to an amusement park or carnival, even in Kansas, and you can experience non-Euclidian trips in the fun zone. Get into a Ferris wheel after the motor has been souped up [MORE POWER!] and as it whirls uncontrollably, ever faster and faster, just stand up and you'll be tossed out by centripedal force, flung out into the sky. And your motion (if you're going fast enough) will form a perfect hyperbolic arc — out of the county, out of the atmosphere, out of the solar system, out to the edge of the universe and beyond.

For the other non-Euclidian experience, get in that spinning wheel (I forget the name) where you're strapped to the inside of a thin cylinder that creaks ominously and cranks up and goes faster and faster, and the centripedal force holds you against that cylinder's wall. Then unstrap yourself. As the wheel slows down and centripedal force lessens, gravity takes over. Then you'll fall from its highest point to ther center of the machine, in a nice lazy parabolic curve.

You can experiment with these geometries almost anywhere. Try them many times, so you'll know what they're really like. After a few trials, you may have difficulty finding an insurance carrier, but an Adventure Traveler like you shouldn't be detrerred by mere bureaucrats. Excelsior! Ever onwards! Ad astra, per aspera!

CHAOPLECTICS: EMERGENCE

You know already that life is complex, disordered, very incomprehensible. Chaos-Complexity Theory aka Chaoplectics tells us why: because that's how the universe is built. Real life displays patterns that are recognizable but utterly unpredictable. But Chaoplectics also says that as chaoplectic systems (ie, realities) go faster and become even more confusing, strange new things happen: new forms of order and regularity and complexity show up, as well as new behaviours. These are called EMERGENT PROPERTIES, and they prove that life automatically forms if you shoot enough juice into a primordial grey goo.

For instance, pump enough energy into a turbulent flow of anything and a new regularity takes hold. This is evident on Los Angeles freeways when everybody speeds up and almost nobody crashes. Or throw enough strange people into a stressful situation, and the survivors of the initial impact will soon be fornicating and talking and plotting and causing all sorts of entertaining mischief. This can be witnessed at many mass gatherings such as religious-political festivals, sporting events, and mob actions aka riots.

What this all means for travelers is that you shouldn't slow down or you won't understand anything any more than you did when you started. You always need to go farther and faster and furiouser, and be sure to spend lots more money because cash energy makes the world go 'round. And don't be surprised if/when new behaviours emerge, like when you speed up to go through a roadblock and they start shooting at you. New orders may emerge too: STOP! HANDS UP! TURN AROUND! GET FACE-DOWN ON THE GROUND!

But be careful — you don't really want to see how your travel relates to Catastrophe Theory. It's very complex yet simple in tis complexity. And there's a lot more to Chaoplectics but it mostly happens in computer simulations, which already are almost real. Almost.

QUANTUM TRAVEL & LIMITS

Quanta are the smallest units possible of what fills up space-time, and a very talented quantum mechanic is needed to keep them in good repair. Quanta (which might resolve into either matter and/or energy) are weird beasts that only become what they become after you observe them or even just think about observing them. Are they particles or waves? If you look at one of a pair so that it becomes one or the other, why does its far-away partner become the same thing without being observed itself? If you add 1+1 of them, why is the sum anywhere between 0 and 10, instead of just 2? See, you need more than just a powerdriver to keep these guys screwed down tight!

And then there's quantum froth, where quanta (on all scales, including up to the size of universes) just pop into existence, become waves or particles or something, then disappear. And quantum tunneling: some quantum exists on one side of a barrier, then it disappears and WHOOSH! it suddenly pops up on the other side of the barrier! The application for travel is obvious — what better way to get past a border without having customs check your bags, than just to tunnel through subspace to get to the other side? You can bet that some smugglers have tried this out.

As you travel, you'll notice all sorts of quantum effects. You look at something, and it changes, especially if it's a marked price; and 1+1 won't equal 2, again as applied to prices. Things will just pop into existence right in front of you, like speedbumps and dogshit and vendors and cops; then some things will just pop OUT of existence, like the money you thought you had in an outside pocket.

One of the most bothersome quantum effects is Photon Depletion, which I briefly mentioned in PHOTO-PENSEÉS I. Photon Depletion occurs at sites where many sightseers gather and/or where many photographs are taken. Photons travel at the speed of light; they ARE light. When photons hit an eyeball or film or camera sensor, they are captured to form the stored image. But when too many are captured, the level of photons available in an area can decrease drastically; their supply is depleted.

Some quantum theorists suspect that photons are like water, always seeking the lowest level, so that when the pool of photons in any area drops noticably, photons from other regions rush in to fill the void. We may hope that this is so, but it hasn't been proved yet. So, play it safe: don't look too much, don't take too many pictures, and be sure to avoid other sightseers and photographers-videographers. Only YOU can prevent Photon Depletion!

Quantum theory, combined with UNCERTAINTY and INCOMPLETENESS and RELATIVITY, imposes certain limits on your travels and actions. I have touched on some of these in THE LIMITS TO TRAVEL. But the quantum limits are more basic, and include:

1. Your final speed limit is 300,000 kph: It's The Law!
2. You can never tell when you'll start (or stop) frothing.
3. If your parents didn't have kids, you probably won't either.
4. There is no BRIDGE OUT sign at the end of the universe.
5. You can't get there from here, unless you tunnel.
6. 1+1=3, for large enough values of 1.
7. The hurrier you go, the behinder you get.

I'll add some more limits to this list as soon as I can think of them. There are limits to my understanding and inventiveness, y'know. And to yours too. Bother.