Go2Go2Go2
^{Travel Exhortations by Ric Carter}

PREDESTINATION vs FREE WILL For Travelers:
  Are We Doomed Or Just Unprepared?

We're all doomed. And we all know it. The world's shortest dramatic poem goes, "Born - Suffered - Died." What is life but a term of intermittant pain and suffering, followed by extinction? That's the program. "Life's a bitch, then you die." Many theologies offer unsubstantiated hopes of some sort of AFTERLIFE (click here). Do you adhere to such wishful thinking? Do you feel better? Whatever.

Tied to concerns of life and afterlife is the question of human agency — are we free to do and think whatever we wish, or are we controlled by forces beyond our ken, by biology and environment and even invisible and forces? Does some great spirit play us like chess pawns, determining our every move, or at least the impetus of our lifestyle?

As a traveler you may ask, "What's this to me?" Why, it's EVERYTHING! Your view on PREDESTINATION vs FREE WILL colors not just your life, but how and why and where you will journey as well. It is THE most important consideration.

VIEWPOINTS

The extreme FREE WILL position assumes that you are responsible for everything you do. You must make all your own preparations, assemble your own agendas and gear, make your own bookings, use your best judgement in your journeys and communications. And, except for unforeseeable natural occurrances (mostly seismic), you have nothing and nobody but yourself to blame for whatever ensues.

The extreme PREDESTINATION view holds that invisible friend(s) and/or forces control you completely. Is your god a pill? "Everything you do, think or say / is in the pill you took today." Whether or not you make plans and preparations, gather gear and goodies, treat yourself and others well or poorly, has nothing to do with your own will — it's all part of a Greater Plan. And NOTHING is your fault, except as you fail to accomplish your part in that Plan — and your 'failure' may also be part of the Plan, and thus not your fault. You are invulnerable.

JOURNEYS

Let's see how ordinary and extra­ordinary journeys play out between these polar viewpoints. You decide (or your invisible friend forces you) to take a December vacation to Thailand. You do (or don't) learn to speak a little Thai; you gather some beachware, and maybe (or maybe not) some prophylactics and cosmetics; and off you go. You hit the beach, get tanned and fit, get sexually lucky (or maybe not), get stuffed, etc. Then the earth quakes and the tsunami strikes. Whether you survive or not, it's not your fault. It's either a matter of luck, or it's Allah's (or Jehovah's or Kali's or B0B's) will.

Maybe instead of the pleasure-palace beaches, you go instead to the central highlands of New Guinea. Prepared or not, there you are amid high tropical mountains and deep foggy valleys and immense steep jungles and tribes of cannibals. Cannibals? Ah, you end up in a stew pot; or maybe your new friends offer you a serving of someone else and you get CJD, the human equivalent of Mad Cow. The FREE WILLer has only theirself to blame, for venturing into cannibal territory. To the PREDESTINATIONer it's all part of a divine plan — the locals need food and you're it.

Maybe you take your vacation in Yucatan instead, in the back-country of the jungle. You are offered a thatch-roof hut for sleeping. The FREE WILL guy or gal says, "Thanks, but I'll stay in my tent instead." The PREDESTINATIONer says, "This is providential! Yes, thank you for the hut!" and then scorpions fall out of the thatching. Ouch. Who knew better? Are you fated to be be stung by scorpions? Which part of the Greater Plan is that?

GUIDELINES

You'll be safer if you act as though FREE WILL were operative. Prepare meticulously — you're either being prudent, or your invisible friend requires your efforts in order to achieve The Plan. Tread lightly upon the Earth, either becase you're environmentally responsible or because Isis wants you to. Take all due precautions, whether you're your own best safety net, or because Jesus has uses for you later.

If you truly believe in PREDESTINATION, nothing you do or don't do really matters. At least, you can't change things by wanting to. Follow all your whims; go as you are; screw whatever is available; burn down forests and heretical churches and icons of iniquity; eat and drink and smoke and snort and inject whatever you want, or abstain — it's all in the blueprint. Whatever happens is meant to happen. Your every action and thought is an expression of divine will. Go with it.

Or maybe you're a sneaky little predestination hypocrite. You SAY that it's all {JHWH}'s plan, but you make your own vain plans, take your own puny precautions. O ye of little faith... you're damned to Hell.

So we're all doomed (expect for reincarnation), at least until the immor­tality machines go online, and then we'll likely encounter other dooms. The only variables of doom are WHEN and HOW. What path(s) will you take to your doom(s)? What will happen when (not if) you get there? Will you have fun along the way? Will you itch and drip and twitch and rip? Consideration of all these matters can only make you a better traveler. Or a more nervous or sanctimonious or intrepid traveler. Whatever.

MERCHANDISING FOR TRAVELERS:
  Never Give A Sucker An Even Break

You're a merchant and travelers come to your locale, whether of their own volition, or by political-religious-social compulsion, or because of heavy advertising, or by forces migration, or invasion or pilgrimage or whatever. Whether they consciously know it or not, they always need stuff, and you're there to supply it. For a price, of course.

You may or may not have some experience in selling stuff to voyagers, which target audience is much different than dealing with locals, whom you'll have to accommodate in the future. Visitors are liberating for you because you may never have to see them again; thus you may try many different ploys. Here are some tips:

>   STATUS   Decide whether to strategically position yourself as a "high end" or "low end" supplier. You can gouge wealthy customers more than poor ones, and if you're in a "high end" resort area, you'll have no shortage of well-to-do suckers. But you may find yourself targeted by invading troops and looters during upheavals. Thus you should be prepared to quickly swap your fancy, overpriced display goods for the cheap crap you have stashed in your hidden basement.

>   TIE-INS   Local tie-ins are always good for souvenirs. Make sure the name of your tribe-town-site-area is firmly attached to everything you offer, no matter where it is actually produced. Or you can attach some swanky or famous or infamous name to your products, depending on whether your customers are rich or wannabees or collectors or psychotics.

>   COMPETITION   Competition is bad for your profits, and only confuses customers who might ask, "How come I can get this across the street for half the price?" Make sure all the local merchants adhere to the same price structures, with variations allowed on different "loss leaders" to entice suckers into the shops. Kill any competitor who doesn't abide by the local price-fixing agreements. Split their stock up among the survivors.

>   QUALITY   Quality is of no importance; only the illusion of quality matters. Wax-dips and buffings and shrink wraps and impressive typefaces can do much to enhance the value of nearly any worthless junk. Careful selection and manipulation of packaging can change the perceived heft-weight-solidity of an item, to satisfy a buyer's desire for something sturdy or light. Scuffing can give anything that "hand crafted" look.

>   SIGNALS   Don't forget big banners and signs. If they can't see you and find you, they won't buy from you. You also want to fill your establishment with loud pop music, unless you're "high end" in which case quiet classical-pops or ethnic flute drivel is advisable.

>   STAFF   Train your sales staff to be vigilant and aggressive. Shoplifters must be pick-pocketed and violently expelled. Prices at check-out must be rounded up so buyers can be adequately over-charged and short-changed. Shelves must never be fully stocked — keep only a few of each item visible, giving the impression of high demand and shortages. Floors must be swept in such a way as to drive buyers towards desired high-margin items. When staff ask customers how they can help, their body language must also function as herding.

When you know a good set of the "tricks of the trade" you'll recognize (and learn from) other merchants in other places. You'll eventually give up travel yourself, as you'll just encounter the same crap wherever you go. Then you can stay home and concentrate on fleecing outsiders. You'll be much happier that way.

FUNERAL RITES FOR TRAVELERS:
  Having A Memorable Final Journey

We're all doomed, even me, even you. We're all gonna go when we go, every Hottentot and every Eskimo. Sure, you can take steps to delay your departure, like the Rolling Stones keeping a defibrillator backstage during their concert tours. ("START IT UP!!") But in the long run you can't Cheat the Reaper, so you might as well get ready.

And if you journey a great deal you're likely to go while you're going. So you should prepare for your funeral wherever you are. Here are some possibilities.

BURIAL AT SEA

Leave instrtuctions that if you kickoff while on a cruise ship or landing craft or torpedo boat or fishing charter or pirae vessel, you should be dumped into the water. You'll hopefully be laden with wnough weight that you'll sink, rather than floating around as shark bait, unless that's what you want.

BURIAL ON LAND

Pick some pleasant place, consecrated if you so desire, where you can be interred in the earth. Coffins cost extra; a body bag should be sufficient. Stipulate that you be buried deep enough that wild animals won't dig you up, unless that's your preference.

EATEN BY ANIMALS

To be truly enmeshed in the chain of life, the ecological cycle, your remains should be thrown to jackals, alligators, wild dogs, army ants, piranhas, or other carniverous creatures. Stipulate that you should actually be deceased BEFORE such devouring starts.

EATEN BY PEOPLE

You could be an excellent "long pig roast" so long as you haven't succumbed to certain diseases. If your death is accidental and traumaic, such as by auto wreck, falling, gunshot, hanging, etc, stipulate that your remains are immediately marinated.

SCATTERED ASHES

A tasteful modern alternative to burial is cremation, with your ashes to be scattered at some beloved location: at sea- or lake-shore, in a forest or factory, within a church or office building, over a picnic ground, etc. If you're cremated while trapped in a buring building or your spouse's funeral pyre, scattering may not be an option.

STREWN BODY PARTS

While most commonly seen with airliner crash victims, you can also just be arbitrarily chopped up and dispersed. Or you can have your body run through a meat grinder or other industrial machinery, with the chunks catapulted towards the horizon.

These are just a few of the technical means of bodily disposal. Other methods include:

CAST INTO LIME PIT or BUILDING FOUNDATION

DUMPED INTO WELL or CAVE or TUNNEL

LIQUEFACTION or DISSOLVED IN ACID

DIPPED IN MOLTEN BRONZE or EPOXY

MUMMIFICATION or FREEZE-DRYING

LEFT IN PARKING GARAGE

SHOVED OUT THE AIRLOCK

NUCLEAR VAPORIZATION

The social rituals attendent to any disposal technique are almost infinite — consult your Invisible Friend(s) or their representatives for details. Have a nice last trip!