SouthWestSlide: _{Spring 2004}

Phase Three_(a)
BisbeeBisbeeBisbeeBisbeeBisbeeBisbeeBisbee

This is the beginning of a new phase. Umm, the focking Bisbee phase. That's 'cause we spent a whole focking week there, half of which was spent in focking Office Hell - realty office, internet cafe, sitting around trying to make focking things work. But I'm not bitter.

No matter which phase we're in, it happens that we've hauled all sortsa guidebooks to Arizona with us and haven't cracked nary a one. They're still safely boxed, sitting under the dinette table. One of these days I drag them out and arrange them meaningfully. Probably when we're in Texas or some focking place. Only brought 2 or 3 Texas guides along.

Day 26: Huachuca to Bisbee (2)
(Saturday 24 April 2004)

MidMorning: Earlier we decamped from French Fred Road, cruised around Huachuca and Coronado and Montezuma, and now we're approaching Bisbee.

We crossed the mighty San Pedro Valley and round the Mule Mountains, swinging close to Mexico and then came around into Bisbee from the south side. All the hills here are bright red and the south part of Bisbee is decayed and Old Bisbee itself is absolutely stuffed full with weekenders here for an Earth Day celebration and bicycle race and all that stuff. And it's too far to go anywhere for camping and return here, so who knows what we'll do?

And the answer to that question is, we stopped at a RV park, our first ever RV park, in Bisbee - the Queen Mine park, just below Old Bisbee, and we'll look around town for a few days. This is a, we'll take it as if we're exploring Pana or Antigua or Minori. We've even located an InterNet Cafe where they say I can plug in via FireWire so I may actually be able to get my narrative material uploaded pretty soon. What a concept.

Exercise: So we strolled all over Old Bisbee - well not ALL over, just over a small portion, there's SO much more to see. A brief perusal of postings in realtors' windows shows there are wonderful old properties available at reasonable prices in and around the historic downtown. We'll have to investigate that.

And let's see, we stomped into a gallery where the owner, Blair, when told of my entry into the Pegleg Smith Liar's Contest, presented his own story, saying that he grew up around Sand Point Idaho, and was out fishing with some friends and caught a real nice trout, and got an idea and also caught a rabbit and skinned the rabbit, put the rabbit fur - maybe it was a rat - squirrel, maybe it was a squirrel - put the fur on the trout, took pictures it, said they'd caught the Furred Trout of Sand Point Creek. Said they made money on that, selling postcaards and calendars and whatnot. OK.

Munch'n'More: We had a tasty lunch at Moody's, authentic Mexican but small, up in Brewery Gulch. After stomping around til the end of the day Maureen wore out. I kept going, went up Brewery Gulch to the elevated town park, the Earth Day celebration was still in full fling, a band playing, dancing, a woman standing on the street with a sign, or in an alcove off the sidewalk, with a sign saying ASK ME ABOUT FOOT MASSAGE. The party seemed to be contingents of old and new hippies, people out having fun, a slew of vendors of course.

Finally I crawled back up the hill to our RV park which on its other side overlooks a vast mining pit. At the entrance of the park is the Queen Mine Tour, so we have a mine ride here, we can go poke around in.

Day 27: Doing Bisbee
(Sunday 25 April 2004)

Morning: The wind is blowing, a bit chilly, the air is clear, Old Bisbee crawls up the hillside across from me and of course the other way is the Lavender Pit. Bicyclists are out early. Many of the inhabitants of our RV park seem to be bike race contestants, some with a great deal of infrastructure - there's one group that has a huge bus-type RV with pop-outs and a trailer stuffed with bikes and a motorbike or two. Last night at sundown the showers here were stuffed, all the bikers were rinsing themselves off. Then they all headed into town for a quick whoopdedo and dinner and then back and fast asleep. And they're now up early and going again.

Now we're strolling up the side streets in Old Bisbee, OK Street, and it sure has the feeling of Amalfi in the desert - twisty roads with little twisty walkways meandering between levels, between overhanging buildings. Eccentric architecture, lots of masonry with tiles set in, some old buildings with balconies and balustrades. Some of the dogs are almost Amalfitano. But don't read too much into that. And the barking of the dogs echoing thru the caverns of the hillsides and buildings - Que Amalfitano!

Day 28: Doing Bisbee Again
(Monday 26 April 2004)

Early morning in the RV parking lot in Bisbee. Overlooking the great Lavendar Pit (named after its excavator not its color) which used to be a mountain til it got molehilled away.

YESTERDAY: We'd set a goal, looking at a certain property, I guess that's to the west side of Old Bisbee. We ended up taking a side road on the opposite side of Tombstone Canyon, wending past wonderful fancies and structures: a house on corner, its walkway going up thru an arch with great sculpted ironwork, metalwork demons with spread wings - demons or angels, some sort of spirits - and a wrought iron fence with more more angels, demons (Maureen sneezes), a sphinx further on. And wonderfully restored houses, bright colors, gargoyles leering down at us. And we wound our way up to the top of - well not the top of a hill 'cause it kept going beyond there - but as high as we could go.

Then back down into the canyon past overlooks and up past the Iron Man, a golden statue commmorating mine workers, and the glorious courthouse and up into the Quality Hill area. We never did quite reach our goal, it was just out of reach or we were just totally wore out and/or lost. And it was hot by then. We wandered back down the hill, stopped for lunch at Winchester's resaurant in the Copper Queen Hotel, fabulous food at a fair price. Maureen's grinder and my chicken quesadilla, just perfect, and the handmade bread pudding for dessert, MWHAH! And they gave us two coupons for free desserts to lure us back, heh heh heh.

Came back to camp to rest, the proprietor came around, we did a deal, we're staying for a week now, paying just over US$16 a night. Pretty good, huh? sez Maureen. Full hookups, free showers, cheap laundry, quiet location, few spaces. And so we'll poke around more buildings and up more side streets and into more stores and talk to a realtor or two and explore and soak the ambience and, mmm, all that stuff. Stomping around here for a week, we oughta drop quite a bit of weight.

At one spot we see a reconstruction project that coulda been straight off the Amalfi coast, an old pickup bed at the bottom of a hill being used as a trailer, a metal chute of corrugated tin running down to it from a wheelbarrow a level or two above, shovels stuck into the work.

Quality Hill: Above the Iron Man statue at the beginning of Quality Hill is the county courthouse, 30s art deco, just gorgeous - wonderful carvings, mouldings of cacti in the surface and miners and... oh, I'll have to take pictures when the light is right. (Maureen says, fabulous.)

Went back to the InterNet Cafe and wasn't able to connect yet, need one more adaptor, we'll try again today.

TODAY: Meanwhile there's cloud cover, the wind is blowing, the oleanders and yuccas and sycamores are whipping around in the wind. Maureen sez she heard some loud booms around 5 am but I was asleep so.... Here, I'll reproduce them: BOOM! BOOM!

  Maureen: No.
  Ric:     No no no, wait. Here,
           Maureen will reproduce them:
  Maureen: Ka-BOOOOOOM!
  Ric:     And?
  Maureen: And more of that.
  Ric:     And?
  Maureen: And more and more and more.
  Ric:     Yada yada...

Day 29: Doing Bisbee Yet Again
(Tuesday 27 April 2004)

Early: Around 3am a car pulled in to the RV lot crunching gravel whilst I slept and dreamt deeply. I awoke in full fight-or-flight mode, heart fluttering. REALLY fluttering. I felt my pulse, it was rapid and light, seemed like another bout of atrial fibrillation except that I didn't feel unmoveably exhausted. And after a bit my pulse subsided and I arose as normal or about as normal as I can get. Still, I'd better hold off on the decaf for awhile.

Later: Laze around all morning, ride with realtor all afternoon. The latter ain't as easy as it sounds. Sounds easy, don't it? It ain't. Believe me.

Day 31: Still Doing Bisbee, Redux
(Thursday 29 April 2004)

Stuff happened that I haven't kept track of. So here's an accounting so far of our time in Bisbee. As much as I remember now.

Last Saturday: Broke camp at French Fred's, shopped in Huachaca City & Sierra Vista, visited Coronado Natl Memorial, ascended Montezuma Pass, decided it was no place to camp. Came thru lower Bisbee to Old Bisbee, pulled into the Copper Queen RV Park (our first) because no other possibilitie sappeared. And that ain't bad.

Bisbee is such an exciting artsy village, vertical with culture, like Amalfi without the ocean. Or did I write that about Jerome? Doesn't matter, it's more so here, except the dropoff isn't quite as definitive. Oh yeah, and I found a paper in the street, all about GILA MONSTERS. Read it.

Following days: Explored on foot up OK Road, Tombstone Canyon, Brewery Gulch. Wore out our feet and legs. Bisbee is a tad higher than Antigua or Gringotenango and as vertical (or more) than the latter or Amalfi. We looked at real estate offerings, were astounded by low prices, and investigated further.

Bisbee is quickly becoming a seasonal destination, arts and retirement community (post-hippy), and cultral hub. Old Bisbee is filled with galleries, antiquaries, ad a smattering of eateries with (mostly) good and reasonable food. And lotsa old stuff.

Monday or Tuesday: We poked around some more, then went to a realtor (Garland) recommended by a shop owner (Blaire). THAT realtor was too busy to work with us but his associate (Mary) was happy to show us around. We saw fixer-uppers and nice stuff beyond our means - and then the place that is JUST RIGHT. Otter Adobe, a recently renovated little adobe-and-frame 2-bedroom with a cosy yard (easily Guatemalanized) just a short walk from the heart of Olde Towne. On a ridge between Tombstone Canyon and Brewery Gulch, away from floodwaters (probably). Up a hill, but not too steep. Parking nearby. Our long-awaited pied-a-tierre. Glorioski!

One of these nights we fired up the DVD computer and external speakers, and we watched THE LIFE OF BRIAN. That was our Easter celebration. Another night some big loud SOB pulled in next to us to we watched TOMB RADER II: THE CRADLE OF LIFE. That was our revenge. And did I mention that our new cellphone doesn't work for shit around here while others do? Our relationship with AT&T is very near its end.

Wednesday: We drove around Lower Bisbee and were totally unimpressed - relocated miners shacks, or mansions besides mountains of tailings, or flatland developments, just don't ring our bells. We looked at more Old Bisbee properties, some quite nice. Then we put in an offer on our Otter Adobe. Now comes the waiting.

In the meantime we've learnt about the sewer wars, and which (downhill) areas harbor UDAs (UnDocumented Aliens aka illegals aka wetbacks), and the political leanings here (liberal), and the prospects of South Bisbee (Naco) becoming a major international Port of Entry (lotsa truck traffic), and the prospects of the copper mine starting up again. Did I mention that our RV park is on the brink of a huge excavated pit? It is. Used to be a mountain there. Now it's just a big hole.

But our calculation is: more and more people, boomers, excapees from Tucson & Phoenix & Riverside & Seattle, are coming to Old Bisbee. And if mine operations and employment expand, the managers won't want to live down near the tailings in UDA-haunted neighborhoods. Absent an asteroid strike, Otter Adobe should evaluate nicely.

Thursday: We dawdled away the morning and stomped around Old Bisbee all afternoon. As soon as anyone hears that we've made an offer on a house we're treated like neighbors. (Take that as you will.) Now all we need is a response, an acceptance. That comes tomorrow. Hopefully.

Meanwhile, the places to eat here are The Daily Diner on Naco Rd for cheap fine tasty meals in a funky setting, and Winchester's in the Copper Queen Hotel for reasonable excellent hand-made lunches and desserts. Moody's in Brewery Gulch ain't bad, the nearby Pizza Parlor ain't great, and the places along Main St are OK but slightly overpriced.

Day 33: Aloha Bisbee, Aloha Oe
(Saturday 1 May 2004)

Saturday morning, in the RV park. Yesterday morning (after being held up for a day) the word came back and it was NO. No counter offer, no solid indication of what the seller will take. So we thought and figured and made another offer, response due Monday. If it's NO again, we'll go away and resubmit that offer every month. Or whatever.

And now we get unsolicited advice on house-buying here. Our ItaloBrit waitress tells us to look for fixer-uppers in Lower Bisbee. Ah well. But she keeps giving us coupons for free desserts, so we'll invite her to the housewarming party. Meanwhile the wind blows and blows and blows, the sky clouds over and clears, the cat tries desperately to escape the confines of the RV, and we're suffering from Realty Hell - too much time spent sitting in an office.

So today we'll toddle off, see Douglas and head for Chiricahua Natl Monument (camping below great rocks), and call the realtor midday Monday. If the answer is NO, we'll toddle off towards Ganado (Hubble Trading Post, Navajoland - there's an Event next weekend). If yes, we'll dash back to Bisbee for paperwork, then toddle faster towards Ganado. We shall focking see.

Saturday afternoon, Mayday! Mayday! 2004, northeast of Douglas heading towards the east side of the Chiricahua Mountains. We're a bit lower than we were at Bisbee but that won't last, it's about 4000 feet at Douglas. The landscape has become much more homogeneous, lots of scrubby mesquite and not much else. Except the platyopuntia of course. We're in a large valley and will soon be swooping around some mountains and getting into an even larger valley, sez the map. So we have vast vistas of blue mountains way out there and grey and red ones up closer with mesas and sharp buttes and limestone layers visible above the alluvium.

We had another excellent lunch at the restaurant at the Copper Queen, then Katrina gave us MORE free dessert tickets so DAMMIT we have to come back before the end of July. HUGE bread puddings!

And then we had an *educational* three hours or so at the InterNet Cafe trying to get connected. Couldn't do it with LAN, wireless or even dialup. But it was a pretty place for Maureen to sit and look out on the plaza, then watch X-MEN II. Yah, the proprietors seemed to know an awful lot about networks and computers, everything except how too actually get OUR stuff running.

Douglas & Beyond: So we swooped across the landscape and into Douglas after business hours. We were hoping to find it unbearably picturesque and we'd have to stay. Such was not the case.

A bit further, moseying through the alleged communities of Bernadino, Chiricahua, Apache, and Rodeo - this is definitely High-Plains-Drifter-type country.

We passed thru a long cut of iron-red basalt on both sides of the road - well maybe not basalt, but definitely lava, too red for basalt. Think of something... and the earth beyond there looked like ground-up lava, not much growing there. A few cattle but too few to have chewed it all down to a nub. Unless these are all that remain after the extensive herds were abducted by ETs.

But in stages we passed thru areas where there's platyopuntia on one side and stunted mesquite on the other, and others where there's just saltbush and not much else. Some yuccas poking up.

Another roadside cut is just LITTERED with wildflowers, mallows and natilja poppies and re-herart sunflowers and all sorts nice little goodies, and purple thistle and other purple ones we didn't stop to take a close look at.

Some of the free guides we picked up back in Bisbee pointed to ghost towns and birding areas in southeast Arizona, I'm sure there's probably some wildflower guides for here too. A few wildflowerr wonderlands must be tucked away here'n'there.

GERONIMO! At Apache AZ at Skeleton Canyon Road we passed by the Geronimo Surrender Memorial which is a stone phallus with stone lesions on the side, some of which formerly contained glass which has been broken out. Commemorating that Geronimo gave up somewhere nearby here, thus signaling the end forever of Indian warfare in America. For now.

It's a peculiar-looking lingam monument with a wide base. I imagine generations of hearty folks have jumped off that edge shouting GERONIMO-O-O-O-O-O! I'm not the only one.

Chiricahuas: Now we're turning into our camping zone in the Chiricahua Mountains and oh, the road DOES go thru to Chiricahua National Monument, over that rugged crest. And I mentioned that California's got parks for off-road vehicles, and in Arizona they've got parks for gunmen - well now we're headed for Rustler's Park. Imagine that.

And we're seeing signs for inexpensive real estate, 40-acre ranches from $15,950, which I calculate to be $40 an acre. And worth every damn penny. And we just passed a van off the side of the road, all spraypainted over with unsmiley faces on the windows and the words UDA WAGON on the side.

And we're heading up into the Chiricahua Mountains. The sun is down. What we see of of the east side of'em is deep purple, and their peaks are gnarly and pointy and spikey and all that kinda stuff. We have to remember that just on the other side over here, Chiricahua National Monument, that was Cochise's stronghold. One of'em - there's another Cochise's Stronghold monumnet a few miles further west. But this is renowned as very tough country to track hostiles in.

Day 34: 'Cross the Chiricahua Mtns
(Sunday 2 May 2004)

Sunday morning, just below Rustler's Park AZ. We found all the Forest Service campgrounds on the east side of the Chiricahuas to be occupied so we started taking the road over the mountains, it turned to dirt after a little bit. Good road though. Now we're resting; last night I found a cozy little spot off the road to stop, devour chicken, and slumber.

We're at about 6200 feet, junoper-piñon zone, with opuntia, agave, yucca, manzanita - and what's that, live-oak? Rocks in the roadcut look like a hard compressed sandstone, very fractured. The mountains around look pretty damn fractured too. Very steep, very rugged - the peaks right around us are maybe 1000-2000 feet higher than we are.

Little purple mints in bloom, big purple thistles. What's NOT in bloom are the lotuses and puckwheats. The juniper up here is the Arizona alligator sort. Today we'll backtrack a little bit, see some of the country we missed in the dark last night. And then, onwards up to Rustler's Park. Woops, I almost missed the bloomin' asters, so pale they're almost white.

PARADISE, LATER: So we took a little spin down to Paradise at about 5000 feet on Turkey Creek. Map sez it's a ghost town but it ain't, it's inhabited. No store but there is a guest house, seems to be the only establishment in town. "Casual Guests Welcome Year Round" So drop in, y'heah?

So we crawl back up the hill on the dirt road, nice compacted smooth dirt for the most part. Here'n'there there's a cattle guard and a stream crossing. Signs for the cattle guard saying BICYCLES CROSS WITH CAUTION. I'm waiting the one at the really deep stream that sez BICYCLIST CROSS WITH SWIM FINS. Sometimes the roads are rougher and I feel like I'm sailing our land yacht thru tumultuous waters.

Folks are campered-out by the creek here'n'there, some of'em look like they're kinds dug-in, might be staying for awhile, and we can certainly see why. And everybody's friendly, they're all waving at us. Of course we don't see the guys off in the hills with their rifles pointed at us. WELCOME TO ARIZONA, NOW GO HOME. Or is that just an Oregon thang?

And about a half-mile down the Paradise cutoff from Forest Road 42, there's a couple of nice places beside the creek, good for stopping and jacking up the RV and putting out the table and chairs and shelter and staying for a week or two. Remember that!

Another camping spot right at the cutoff but it's occupied, and the cutoff is 13 miles from pavement on the west side of the Chiricahuas. According to the sign.

HIGH COUNTRY: We've taken the turnoff to Rustler's Park. We just passed a notice warning that we're in bear country.

WARNING: Never put an apple in your mouth and invite the bear to take it.

WARNING: Never play practical jokes on bears, they've no sense of humor.

WARNING: Never try to seduce a bear, the relationship can't last.

WARNING: Smoking bears may be quite hazardous to your health.

The turnoff was at Onion Saddle at 7600 feet. The guidebook notes that Rustler's Park is at 8500 feet. Maureen noticed that we are now in a ponderosa pine zone. I may not be able to sleep in my little bare skin tonight.

A little bear sleeps in his little bear skin
He sleeps very well, I am told
Last I slept in MY little bare skin
And I caught a heck of a cold

Now we're at a tee. Rustler's Park, one mile one way. Barfoot Park, one mile t'other way. Oh, decisions. Shall we go rustle or shall we go b'arfoot? Let's look at both.

Barfoot Park is informal camping down an increasingly rugged road. We swing around, pass the same hikers a couple times. I always slow down for horses and hikers and bikers, don't wanna make'em skittish.

And despite what the guidebook says, and without further warning, we see that Rustler Park campground is closed. Bugger. We'll have to think of something else.

So we're back down at Onion Saddle, elevation 7600 feet, and descending. Less view, less ice. Fewer bears. More bareskin.

Sunday afternoon, we're camped in Pinery Canyon and everybody else has left. The route we came in yesterday from the east into the Chiricahua Mountains was spectacular, a desert Yosemite. Incredible rock formations, Now we've been over the top and we're heading down the west side a little bit, we're only at 7000 feet here, and it looks more ordinary. However I have reason to believe that there are good rocks below.

Epitath to a Gambler

Played five aces,
Now playing a harp.