How THE GREAT OTTER Created Everything Etc.


Dig this, o my people:

  1. Once upon a time, long long ago, in a reality far far away, there was THE VOID and THE GREAT OTTER and not much else.
  2. And THE GREAT OTTER quested through THE VOID looking for COSMIC MOLLUSCS, for THE GREAT OTTER was so constructed as to require COSMIC MOLLUSCS for proper nutrition and to maintain his glossy coat.
  3. But being that THE VOID was rather formless and empty and without rigid definition and rather short on COSMIC MOLLUSCS, this quest was understandably a bit frustrating.
  4. And thus THE GREAT OTTER's health and pelt were not up to snuff, divinity-wise; which was a darn shame, but that's how it goes.
  5. Then the VOID was invaded by godlings from other realities, and the GREAT OTTER was much relieved, for possibly They had brought COSMIC MOLLUSCS, and possibly They would join Him in play.
  6. But They observed his tattiness, and were arrogant, and haughty.
  7. All of the other godlings used to laugh and call Him names; they never let THE GREAT OTTER join in any godling games.
  8. And the GREAT OTTER ceased His usual frolicsome play, and became exceedingly wroth, and hissed and pissed and shat out great chunks of Divine offal.
  9. And LO! this Divine offal did burn and shine and emit great quantities of energy and gas. And the burning offal became stars; and the gas became interstellar dust, and condensed into plantets. And the universal infrastructure was in place.
  10. And the GREAT OTTER checked out this shit, and was pleased.
  11. Then did the GREAT OTTER look closely upon this shit, and found that it was without worms, or fungi, or bacteria, or lichens, or Republican-Reptilioids, or other lower forms of life, let alone the higher forms like telepathic cephalapods or psychotic simians or cantankerous cats or wascally wabbits, and HE thought, "Gotta make some changes here!"
  12. So did the GREAT OTTER work some powerful ju-ju, and HE conjured up some minescule crappies: microbes and virii and non-flowering plants and conservative ideologues and slime-molds; and HE thought, "This is a good start!" And HE belched and HE farted and HE felched and HE barted and all was well.
(to be continued...)
DRSB ! Bisbee ! Coati Works ! Elvis !!