What Would Buddha Do? What would YOU do?

In the modern world -- confusing, decadent, materialistic, globalized -- people find themselves in a moral quandry, searching for a moral compass, seeking moral direction. They naturally turn to moral leaders of the present and past, searching out their words and deeds for indications, for guides to right thoughts and right behaviours. They ask: What Would They Do?

What would Buddha do? What would Jesus do? What would Kali do? What would Dracula do? What would Cleopatra do? What would Madonna do? What would Scooby Doo? What would the Unabomber do?

What Would The UnaBomber Do?

Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, was known for his violent hatred of modern social systems, commercial systems, technical civilization. In these straightened and confusing times, we can use him as a moral guidepost.

Q: Dear Ted, I'm having difficulties with my significant other. What would the Unabomber do?
A: Blow 'um up.
Q: Dear Ted, I'm having trouble with my job. What would the Unabomber do?
A: Blow 'em up.
Q: Dear Ted, I'm having problems reconciling the conflicting demands of my family, my friends, my religion, and my career. Tell me, just what would the Unabomber do?
A: Blow 'em up.
Q: Dear Ted, my girlfriend and her boyfriend want me to join them in an erotic triangle. Is this right? What would the Unabomber do?
A: Blow 'em up.
Q: Dear Ted, I have a particularly nasty infestation of crablice and headlice. What would the Unabomber do?
A: Heh-heh-heh. Blow 'em all up.

And there you have it -- a straightforward and focused set of solutions to life's problems. When something or someone impedes you, repulses you, bothers you, just apply explosives.

What Would They Do?

• What would Attila do? Well, consider this: His skills included barbarism, sacking cities, strong leadership, cannibalism and striking fear into hearts. Take your pick.
• What would Buddha do? Meditate on the seven-fold path and strive for calm and acceptance.
• What would Cleopatra do? Fellate 'em, yu-betcha.
• What would Cthulhu do? You don't wanna know.
• What would Dracula do? "And we've gotta bite 'em, right?"
• What would Dubya's gang do? Other than loot the country and trash the Constitution and establish a world dictatorship, that is? Well, take a look here and here and here but maybe not here.
• What would Durga do? Durga Brings Liberty & Justice to All!
• What would Elvis do? See the answers and the conspiracy.
• What would Dr. Frankenstein do? Experiment on 'em, then regret the consequences, and flee responsibility.
• And Frodo? "Frodo failed, Bush has the ring!" Forget the ring.
• What would Godzilla do? Wreck Tokyo again, eh?
• What would Groucho do or say? Click here to find out.
• What would Isis do? Entertain Her fellowship most jovially.
• What would Jesus do? ROT IN HIS GRAVE. He's DEAD, Jim.
• Who would Jesus screw? We'll be taking a poll soon...
• Who would Jesus bomb? "Napalm the other cheek."
• Who would Jesus stalk? Probably not J-Lo or Oprah.
• What would Judas do? Well, play the game and find out.
• What would Kali do? Clear away the extras, that's for sure.
• What would Madonna do? Gosh, where to begin, and with whom...
• What would Mohammad do? Marry a bunch of women and some prepubescent girls, and conquer the known world, I guess.
• What would Nixon do or say? Something complex, smart, but self-destructive, and rotten. In His Own Words. Eewww...
• What would Spock do? Something logical, no doubt.
• What would Zeus do? Sell t-shirts to progressives.

(to be continued...)

Raw Notes - dictated whilst strolling around.