Consumpt-Ious #1
About Devouring Stuff
by Ric Carter
Consumpt-Ious #1
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THEMESNO COWS, MAN! [bluesy slide guitar] Duh duh duh da-da dah Dreamin 'bout some soymilk-banana shake Some nice tofu-burger bake Somethin else for my hunger to slake But I don't wanna eat no cow, man Duh duh duh da-da dah Loadin' up on powder at the health-food store Lecithin 'n' wheat-germ 'n'a whole bunch more That blue-green algae really makes me roar But I don't wanna eat no cow, man [bridge:] Pile up a buncha shallots'n'jalapenos On toppa some mashed avocado An' pile'em up with lotsa cilantro But get that ground beef 'way from me, man! Duh duh duh da-da dah I slaver for brown rice with vindaloo curry Zucchini and mushrooms, I never worry Yeah, shit like this, they don't serve in Missouri But I don't wanna eat no cow, man, no no VEGETABLES AND WATER AND DIRT AND SUN Think of cheap rum, and again, and again Think of an avacado as your friend [chorus:] And you'll know that good stuff can be done With vegetables and water and dirt and sun Think of adobe, you lazy shit (lazy shit) Think of the artichokes planted around it [chorus] Think of zucchini as sexual objects Think of run'n'cocoa-coated insects [chorus] |
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LATEST SIGHTINGS:
"VEGETARIAN: A person who eats no animal life that can be seen without a microscope."
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Monday, March 4, 2002 12:55 p.m. P.D.T.
* Eat bunny! Bunny Corp offers many tasty selections for all bunny connoisseurs. Check out the full menu. I highly recommend the Fried Bunny. Yummy-buns.
* In search of the cud-chewing soul of America, a Guardian scribe trekked to deepest Alabama. * He's trashed McDonald's outlets and marched with Palestinian farmers. But he still enjoys good dead meat. _ _ _ _ _ * MAD ABOUT MILK. Got milk? If not, then thank your lucky stars. Because if you do,medical research shows that you are likely to be plagued by anemia, migraines, bloating, gas, indigestion, asthma, prostate cancer,and a host of potentially fatal allergies -- especially if you are a person of color. It's all a genocidal WASP plot! * Don't ask me for a unified theory of food, or some principles of what eating must be, or any of that crap. I'm just a guy out for a good time. Gulp. Gulp some more. Urp. Aaaahhh... * Universal substitution guide - Food Thesaurus! _ _ _ _ _ * [via MemePool/Food/] It appears PETA's Commando Chicks have been given some reinforcements in the form of The Lettuce Ladies and The Broccoli Boys. Yumma-gootchie. * For that Starbuck's steamed, mocha, cappu-frappo-Americano: a small is a tall, a medium is a grande, a large is a venti. Got it? Upsizing... (without even going metric) * You need to eat a giant crab. _ _ _ _ _ * Experts Chew Fat Off New 'Remedy' - A Japan firm touts a fat-burning pill made from raspberry molecules. Skeptical nutritionists and scientists say,'Where's the beef?' * INTERACTIVE CATTLE MUTILATOR! * You prefer sushi to bananas. You also know how many bananas you'd trade for one slice of sushi. But how much *money* are they worth? * Give them the gift of sausage. Now. _ _ _ _ _ "My advice, if you insist, on slimming: Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it." —Harry Secombe
Gentle Readers: Please send me your recipes, links etc regarding alien cuisine - you'll be credited if you so desire. Click on my email address below. --Ric  |
