Consumpt-Ious #5
About Devouring Stuff
by Ric Carter
Consumpt-Ious #5
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RELIQUARYTHEMESMADRE DE DIOS! You look into the sun And you grab a handful of wasabe peas And you shove'em in your mouth And you scream, "!Madre de Dios! This shit is hot!" And you fan your sweating face Then you grab another handful And go right back to that place A BEAR CHEWED ME UP I usta be good-lookin', I usta be a god I usta be a model, then a bear chewed me up [chorus:] A bear chewed me up, a bear chewed me up I usta have it all but then a bear chewed me up LET'S EAT LIKE PRIMITIVES Throw something on the fire Leave it there till it sizzles Tear it apart with your hands and teeth [chorus:] Let's eat like primitives Let's eat like primitives Let's eat like primitives THE PEOPLE OF COCA-COLA Oh we're the people of Coca-Cola We want you to feel alright We want you to take Coke all day And take more Coke at night We want you to forget your fears Forget your hurts and pains So take more Coke and listen to The secret sound of rain BURGERS IN HELL He woke up feeling very strange Didn't know where he was Didn't recognize the scene'ry Knew it wasn't his place Everything was hot and blurry Everything was smokey And he couldn't tell how he felt Except he was hungry Found that he was dressed and walking / Through some sort of townscape Somehow he had a bad feeling There would be no escape But up ahead, a glowing sign HOT BURGERS FRIES AND SHAKES He went in, ordered, looked around Then he saw his mistake [chorus:] BURGERS IN HELL! BURGERS IN HELL! He was dead and damned (damned) BURGERS IN HELL! BURGERS IN HELL! Hellburgers were his fate OUR LADY OF THE ANGELS She stops on Sepulveda for a Cambodian take-out Our Lady of the organic fast-food angels Our Lady of the non-bulemic slippery succubi And feels the nutrition at a cellular level EAT ME! You have such a wonderful mouth You have such a flexible tongue So EAT ME, EAT ME, EAT ME! And I'll stay forever young Yah I'll stay forever young Just smear me with creamy peanut butter And dip me in mesquite honey And EAT ME, EAT ME, EAT ME! And I'll give you all my money Yah I'll give you all my money |
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* Gode Cookery presents Gentyll manly Cokere: Culinary recipes from a late 15th century collection of recipes and remedies found in the library of Samuel Pepys. Get'em whilst theye bee hotte!
* Delicious Dogs: Man's best friend is also man's best meal.
* FoodPorn! I just had to mention it again, again.
* HEY!! A Burrito Bill of Rights (don't be shortchanged, or else)
* What Would Jesus Eat? "If Jesus witnessed modern "factory farming," he would find widespread animal mistreatment and suffering, and he would recognize that its wastefulness contributes heavily to environmental degradation and world hunger. We believe he would become vegetarian." But is that kosher, or even traditional?
* Is Your Neighbor a Cannibal? and The Cannibal Cauldron
* BIBLICAL NUTRITIONISM: {JHWH} doesn't mandate or support MYTHICAL VEGETARIANISM. So just eat human babies.
Shopping up here in the mid-Sierras is practice for the Yukon, with horribly high prices. When we find a cheap market downhill we go hog-wild and grab a ton of veggies etc, most of which we'll have to cook before we leave -- but it's been so HOT here, who can stand cooking? Anyway, we'll do most of our food stocking as we travel. We figure we'll see our last CostCo around Spokane, our last Safeway around Edmonton; we don't expect discount foods in Yellowknife, Whitehorse. Skagway, Dawson. Postings here will get slim again, even if we don't. Cya --Ric.
* Don't forget to give gruel a chance and enjoy toast 161 ways.
* Fast Food Confusion:the best of crap or the worst of crap?
* Raw Foodism (search) (more) beats Breatharianism (search) which kills you much quicker. So ya wanna live forever?
* Cory Doctorow has seen God in a cup of chocolate but some psychedelic food experiences cost less, eh? The corpse exuded the irresistible aroma of a piquant, ancho chili glaze enticingly enhanced with a hint of fresh cilantro as it lay before him, coyly garnished by a garland of variegated radicchio and caramelized onions, and impishly drizzled with glistening rivulets of vintage balsamic vinegar and roasted garlic oil; yes, as he surveyed the body of the slain food critic slumped on the floor of the cozy, but nearly empty, bistro, a quick inventory of his senses told corpulent Inspector Moreau that this was, in all likelihood, an inside job. —Bob Perry
It's ironic and sad that we travelled to places famed for local cuisine, then couldn't afford to sample it. The best prices for the best food seem to happen where there are many Euro tourists and lots of competition: Panajachel, Guatemala and San Cristobal de las Casas, Chiapas, Mexico. The closer to the US border, the pricier the prepared meals, but raw materials stayed cheap. Thus at Copper Canyon, Chihuahua, eggs were well under a dime a dozen. Mas huevos rancheros, por favor! Now we have continued tight budgets and new goals. So we'll eat cheap home-cooked veggie-heavy meals, both in the house and as we drive the RV to the Yukon; and we'll walk our buns off and drop weight so we can hike to Machu Picchu next year. That's the dream. As the newest Lady Turnpot descended into the kitchen wrapped only in her celery-green dressing gown, her creamy bosom rising and falling like a temperamental souffle, her tart mouth pursed in distaste, the sous-chef whispered to the scullery boy, "I don't know what to make of her." —Laurel Fortuner 
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Gentle Readers: Please send me your recipes, links etc regarding alien cuisine - you'll be credited if you so desire. Click on my email address below. --Ric
* SPACE RAMEN
* Hey, gringo piglets: you are